Magic wonders of life: a life lesson

A Break From Perfection

How a box of broken pencils can make you realize how much perfection has cost you

“Baby, be careful with this pen. You are going to…”

Crack!

“Break it…” I mumbled with a nervous twitch. It was the last intact pencil of the box. With it, the symbol of my broken perfection.

With it, the symbol of my broken perfection.

“ Perfection is the lowest standard in the world. Because […] you know you can’t be.” Tony Robbins, author of Unlimited Power

When I heard that statement for the first time, I felt cheated. The lowest standard? I understood his point in an intellectual way but emotionally, I couldn’t help feel it was wrong. It was denying a whole part of my life.

“[Don’t] ask that we achieve perfection. […] ask that we never cease to aim for it.” Atul Gawande, author of Better, A Surgeon’s notes on performance

This motto has always been one of my mental keystones, encouraging me to strive for the ideal. Like any good perfectionist, I could spend countless time on minor details to get my work better. On most occasions, it has served me well. Still, sometimes, it would cause unnecessary loss of energy. Other times, it would even create problems where there shouldn’t have been any in the first place. But I had never realized what this habit might have robbed me from, up to now.

When I was a child, I had a box of colored pencils. I took great pride in keeping it tidy. All the colors were in a rainbow arrangement. Aligned with no gap, all the same height, and shape. No broken tip. Perfect!

Evidently, I took great care whenever I used them. I can’t remember much of the pictures I drew with those pencils. But the pencils box kept its tiny space in a forgotten corner of my mind as I grew up into adulthood and drew a lot less.

It wasn’t until I had a baby that I remembered about it.

“- Oh, look! Baby is starting to be able to hold pens and draw. Should we buy him a box of colored pencils?”, asked my husband.

“-Ah wait, I know I have a box of colored pencils. Let me see if I can find it…”

There, in my childhood desk drawer, the precious box was waiting like in my memories. A little dusty. But still perfect otherwise.

“- Here you go Baby. See all those nice colors? It’s pretty right? Hold the pencil gently. Be careful!” I couldn’t help an involuntary wince when the first pencil broke.

“- Gently Baby, gently. You don’t have to be so forceful.”

My husband started to laugh: “- How is Baby going to learn how to hold the pencil by himself and draw if you keep holding his hand? Those are only pencils. We can buy more if some of them break. What’s important is that he’s learning how to draw and having fun.”

I stepped back to see my baby drawing so freely, with colors flowing in a happy disorganized art. As the pencils were flying everywhere, my idealized view of perfection started to crack.

Did I miss the joy of creating amazing pictures with an imperfect box of colored pencils? How many opportunities for happy experiences have I let pass by me, because I wanted things to be perfect? For once, I questioned if perfection has truly served me well. Did I still need to hold on to it now?

How many opportunities for happy experiences have I let pass by me, because I wanted things to be perfect?

In the midst of my reflection, I heard my baby laugh. How will this little one grow up? He doesn’t know yet anything about restrains, guidelines, expectations. He doesn’t know what’s right or wrong. About perfection. What values do I want to teach him?

I couldn’t feel bitter about my past perfectionist. If it wasn’t for it, this box of pencils wouldn’t have made it to those tiny hands today. I felt grateful for who it has made me become today, but it was time to let it go.

With a smile, I took the broken pencil. I started to add my own color to the masterpiece in the making, a firework of colors started by my baby. I set free of my broken perfection.

Afterthought: And you, do you have qualities that might have served you well in the past but are holding you back now? What values do you need to let go, to be able to step up to your next level?

And if changing those habits is still a work in progress, I totally sympathize with you. I’m still working on letting go of my perfectionism… should I say about working more than 6 hours on a small text like this one :P Let’s not give up!

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