A Better Version Of You Or A Weak Imitation Of Someone Else?

One will come naturally the other will not.

“Write your own book instead of reading someone else’s book about success.” – Herb Brooks

You are not the first person to have thought mimicking those predictable lists of the various habit of “successful” people will automatically translate to success in your own life. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for the simple reason: you ain’t them and they ain’t you.

You work with what you have, as my father used to always say to me. He also used to say, ‘cut your coat according to your cloth’, especially when he didn’t want to dole out the extra cash for me to keep up with the latest trends, but I digress. The point is you can only be yourself, so it makes more sense to work on getting to the best version of you.

If you only measure yourself by someone else’s accomplishments or your perception of the person he or she is, you will probably live a life of disappointment and maybe even self-loathing. The other people are not perfect nor do they perfectly adapt to every situation as they would have you believe. Who can say what the “perfect” reaction to any situation is anyway?

As long as you are paying attention you will, from time to time, come to understand new things about yourself.

Being overly impressed by claims of how some people have achieved a constant state of being primed to act most pragmatically under any circumstances, or how they can always adapt to gain a maximum advantage is counterproductive.

In my experience, I have sometimes realized, in hindsight, that getting the maximum advantage wasn’t always the best course of action. I have come to realize that sometimes I should have given a little if only I had looked at the bigger picture.

“…the journey of self-discovery is like a marathon. It is not like a sprint.”

By taking the following simple steps, you can begin your journey to that better version of yourself. You should note, however, that the journey of self-discovery is like a marathon. It is not like a sprint.

You will continually catch glimpses of your true self in different circumstances, like when upset, how you approach conflicts, how you treat people whom you expect nothing from, or when something goes wrong and it is undeniably your fault, etc.

As long as you are paying attention you will, from time to time, come to understand new things about yourself. It will be at these moments that you can determine whether it is something you need to work on or not.

The journey may seem long, and like a marathon, it will be uphill sometimes, the terrain may be rough, people will deliberately cross into your path, some people may go out of their way to offer you the help you need and some will not.

Become more self-aware: this calls for your honest assessment of who you are, not who you want to be (we will get to that in a moment).

This is an important step because you cannot determine what areas of your life you to need work on otherwise. Noting how you react to certain situations or certain people can be a good way to start. For instance, if Joe’s a little slow and all you ever do is react to him with impatience and/or annoyance, then you know that is one side of you that needs work. Because not only is it not good for Joe, it is not good for you. Joe needs the patient, understanding, and helpful you.

A SrengthsFinder test can be an effective tool in helping you identify and articulate some of your hidden talents. There are many free versions available online for you to choose from. Your strengths will be your ability to optimize those talents.

It is also necessary that you identify and accept your weaknesses as areas of your life that just need work. If not for anything, knowing your weaknesses can help you determine when to stay away from undertakings you now know do not suit you.

Know who you can be: You may already have a good idea of who you want to be, but what if this is not who you can be?

This sounds limiting, I know, and therefore identifying your unique strengths and weaknesses is the first step. To become a better version of you and be all you can be, you will need to leverage your natural talents. Research shows that people who can leverage their strengths live happier, more fulfilled lives.

Be willing to change: The previous version of me used to think the best way to deal with angry people was to get angrier and shout the loudest. I do not do that anymore. I do not because not only was it counterproductive; it denied me the chance to exhibit some of my better traits like patience, empathy, active listening, and so on. So I made a conscious decision to change, and I have stuck with it.

The point is, you cannot be a better version of yourself if you don’t recognize where you need improvement and be willing to change. The old you may resist for fear of going into uncharted territory, but you have to be firm. Fear is a natural human reaction, but it can also be very limiting. So if you find you have to drag you the “old you” kicking and screaming into the new you, by all means, do.

“The previous version of me used to think the best way to deal with angry people was to get angrier and shout the loudest.”

Adopt some powerful habits:

• Writing- Start writing on Medium. Aside from being a platform for earning, Medium gives you a platform for self-expression, the opportunity to learn more, organizing your thoughts, and practice expressing them. The more you write the better you become at communicating even complex ideas more effectively. Alternatively, you can start a journal. Writing your thoughts in your journal daily, preferably before bedtime, can help you navigate the haze and improve your understanding of the direction of your life.
• Meditate- Meditation can help catch harmful thoughts and enable you to steer them towards more constructive patterns. It helps gain a deeper understanding of yourself and can help you evolve into the best version of yourself.

Help and be willing to accept help:

“Giving back is as good for you as it is for those you are helping because giving gives you purpose. When you have a purpose-driven life, you are a happier person.” -Goldie Hawn

And as the science shows, helping others aside from making you feel good, is also good for you because it can help you lead a happier, longer life. So do away with that nagging feeling that by helping people they are taking advantage of you or you are being depleted. Give a little back any way you can everywhere you can.

On the other hand, you should also never let pride impede your acceptance of help whenever it is offered. Do not deny others the benefits of being helpers.

Stay connected with family: People who feel better connected to their families not only feel better physically, but they are less likely to suffer depression. They are also in a better position to get out of depression.

Acknowledge and celebrate even your minor accomplishments: Celebrating your minor accomplishments will keep you motivated towards achieving even bigger accomplishments. All those small successes will snowball into big ones, so be ready.

If you begin to take these steps like I have been doing, soon enough you will start to see the changes manifest. Relish them.

The journey may seem long, and like a marathon, it will be uphill sometimes, the terrain may be rough, people will deliberately cross into your path, some people may go out of their way to offer you the help you need and some will not. However, as you grow you will be able to meet these challenges in the best way that only you can.

Enjoy your journey.