A Baby Boomer Copes with Morning Stress Millennial Style
Coping tips from a retired psychotherapist.
It’s 1988, and 7:45 am. The aromas of hot coffee, buttered toast, and sliced bananas fill the kitchen. I finish preparing breakfast with one hand while the other hurriedly applies my makeup using the toaster as a mirror. My four-year-old son is velcroed to my leg, and the babysitter just called to say she has the flu and won’t be in today. Being a parent and coping with stress are often synonymous.
I wrote that paragraph when my son was four years old. On a recent trip to Louisville, Kentucky, for my mother’s 92nd birthday, my sister handed me that forgotten article printed on yellowed, worn paper for Kids, Kids, Kidz Magazine. My writing cadence remains the same, although the needed visuals would be very different if written today.
Fast Forward!
It’s 2022, and 9:45 am. The buzz from my cell phone turns my head as it skitters across the kitchen countertop. I place my half-filled “I Will Survive” coffee cup next to the morning pile of anti-aging supplements and vitamins. My thirty-six-year-old son just texted, asking if I could entertain his two kids for a few hours. A grin slides across my face as I type, “Of course.” “They’ll be there in an hour,” he responds. I sigh deeply, sip my lukewarm coffee and then dress, promising to finish the deadlined article tomorrow. Grandparenting, parenting, and coping with morning anxiety are often synonymous.
Is stress a positive or negative?
Although typically thought of negatively, stress can be a positive aspect of life. Stress adds interest, intensity, and zip to our existence. Without it, life would be dull. It is essential, however, to recognize the difference between positive and negative stress. One points out our values and strengths, while the other overwhelms us and can cause illness.
Trying to attend your son’s band concert and your daughter’s religious confirmation on the same night will weaken your defenses. Taking care of an ill child when you have little sleep will also cause harmful stress. Even having children at home for summer vacation can be a stressor. In general, stressors are events, issues, or moments that add tension to life and cause the body to react, even if only for a second, as if fighting a terrible threat to its existence.
What are the common signs of too much stress?
Common signs of too much stress: aggression, change in appetite, migraine headaches, diarrhea, missed menstrual cycles, pounding of the heart, impulsive behavior, depression, accident proneness, and increased use of drugs and alcohol.
Parenthood is amazing, complex, and powerful. By the very nature of the role, parents are constantly modeling coping behaviors for their children. They provide a foundation, negative or positive, upon which their children will build their lives. Therefore, searching for and utilizing the best coping plan specific to your needs is essential. Not only will this benefit you as an individual and parent, but it will also help teach your children positive coping skills.
How to design a coping plan:
The first step toward developing a personal coping plan is to identify your life’s negative stressors. Begin by carefully listening to your body. Headaches, backaches, and tightness are clear signs of stress. Notice what you were doing before and during the physical discomfort. Also, notice signs of agitation and anger. It may be helpful to develop a log of your findings. Add columns for the date and time, the identified stressor, and the physical and emotional reaction. Note both the positive and the adverse effects connected to the event.
Once you’ve completed a week of log information, it’s time to strategize. Which events caused negative stress? Which were positive? How can you reduce your harmful stress level?
Use these coping tips from a retired psychotherapist.
1. Learn to be assertive and say “No.” Create a safe space around stressful events and people. It is not necessary to taxi your kids to the pool, theater, tennis lessons, or the beach and then head home to make dinner. Boundaries are important.
2. Identify products that may be helpful by providing critical information regarding your body’s health. The data can help you make necessary changes.
a. Need to track the amount and quality of your sleep? Wearing an Oura Ring could be the answer.
b. Or perhaps a weighted blanket could keep midnight anxiety at bay.
c. Ask the internet for assistance as you search for products specific to your needs.
3. Know your limits and physically or mentally remove yourself from a stressful situation to change your chemical makeup and gain perspective. Square your shoulders, take several deep breaths,
and begin again. Flapping your hands for a minute will also alter your chemistry toward a beneficial blend.
4. Maintain your focus. Have a stack of notecards on hand. In the morning, list three task goals for that day. Make them obtainable. At night, list three enjoyable moments from the day. Tape the cards to your bathroom mirror or refrigerator for your reflection.
5. Spend at least fifteen minutes alone each day. Put your feet up, close your eyes and imagine you are drifting in a small boat. Feel the sun on your face. Hear the birds singing and note that the surrounding flowers smell sweet. This guided imagery will lower your stress level.
6. Stress is hard on the body. Chemical changes affect hormone levels which, if sustained, can create avenues to illness. Treat yourself well by lessoning sugary, processed food, and add probiotics, fibrous vegetables and fruits, water, and proteins.
7. Find time for laughter, play, and exercise. They provide better options for a stress release than Smash Therapy. Although I’m fairly sure, even that has a temporary benefit.
8. Never be ashamed of hiring professional help, whether it’s to find someone to complete some of the jobs on your ‘to do’ list or talking with a psychotherapist. Either way, interview the person before you hire them. Whether handyman, babysitter, or marriage counselor, ask if they have training and experience in the area you search. Check them off your list if they can’t spare a few minutes to talk with a potential new client. Therapy is only as beneficial as the therapist is healthy. It is definitely not a one-size-fits-all category.
These suggestions can help lower stress and increase productivity and energy. As you drive from baseball practice to summer camp and your massage therapy appointment, you’ll be glad you did.