Why, oh why didn’t you go to UCLA? Now I’m forced to give you an old white man lecture about your terrible life choices in the midst of a 40 year old stagnant economy due to bullish*t trickle down economics, rampant deregulation, conservative activist Supreme Court justices, unprecedented political corruption, and the moral turpitude of your parents’ generation caused by Michael J. Fox. Most people thought our democracy ended when Reagan told us that ketchup was a vegetable, but I knew it was really Family Ties that finished us off.