9 Things You Should Never Do On a First Date

Summary

The article provides humorous advice on re-acclimating to social norms and in-person interactions post-quarantine, particularly focusing on first date etiquette.

Abstract

The piece titled "9 Things You Should Never Do On a First Date" offers a lighthearted take on the social skills that may have deteriorated during the quarantine period. It emphasizes the importance of returning to in-person social interactions with a set of tongue-in-cheek rules, such as avoiding negative comments about weight, dressing appropriately, and refraining from using text-speak or emojis in conversation. The author humorously reminds readers to leave their pets at home, engage in topics beyond binge-watched shows, maintain personal hygiene, and use proper table manners. The overarching message is to re-adapt to social cues and behaviors that were once second nature but may have been forgotten during prolonged isolation.

Opinions

The author suggests that the ability to communicate effectively in person has declined not only among younger generations but across all ages due to the pandemic.
Wearing pajamas outside the home is seen as inappropriate and indicative of a relaxed standard of personal presentation that should be reserved for private spaces.
The use of internet slang and emojis in verbal communication is considered socially awkward and suggests over-reliance on digital communication.
The article implies that mimicking remote control actions towards people is rude and highlights a blurred line between technology and human interaction.
Pets, particularly exotic ones like boa constrictors, should not be taken to restaurants under the guise of service animals.
Discussing television shows excessively on a first date may not be the best conversation starter and could indicate a lack of varied interests.
The author pokes fun at the idea of using one's clothing as a makeshift napkin, emphasizing the need to remember and practice good manners.
The overall tone of the article is humorous and slightly sarcastic, aiming to gently nudge readers towards re-evaluating their social behaviors in a post-pandemic world.

Tips for venturing back out into the real world.

For years, we older people have been blaming electronic devices and social media for the younger generation’s inability to effectively communicate in person. Now that many of us have been quarantined in our homes for much of the past two years, maybe none of us have social skills anymore. When meetings became “pants optional” events, and “going out to lunch” meant you walked out onto your front porch to pick up the bags a delivery driver just left, something broke within our social structure.

In order to try to do my part to repair the damage and return some normalcy to in-person one-on-one interactions, I’ve provided some tips and rules to help you remember how to function in the real world whether it’s on a first date or with friends you haven’t seen in months.

Never ever say anything like, “Wow, so you’ve gained weight.” If you do and you get punched in the face, you will deserve it. Following it up with “me too” does not make it acceptable. This is not a point to bond over.

As comfy as they are, swap your pajama pants for jeans or other pants with a button and zipper when going out to enjoy a drink or a meal with someone. On your way out, throw those pajamas in the washing machine. Whoever you live with, even your dog, will thank you.

When speaking with a real person, don’t say the words, “LOL,” or “hashtag” whatever. You spend enough of your time on your phone texting and posting. Give yourself permission to express actual emotions without emojis and use full sentences.

It’s rude to mimic picking up a remote control, pointing at a person, and clicking a button in order to change their volume or speed up a story. Likewise, you can’t pause a person so you can run to the restroom. Instead, try the phrase, “Please excuse me for a moment.”

While your pet boa constrictor may have been an extreme comfort to you over the past couple of years, it’s highly unlikely he qualifies as a service animal. Take the orange vest you knitted for him off and leave him home under his sunlamp. Most restaurants do not appreciate snakes in their dining room. Also, wearing a snake as an accessory makes you seem unapproachable.

Before going out, think of something you can talk about besides how quickly you binged through Bridgerton or how the subtitled version of Squid Games is so much better than the dubbed version. If it’s a first date, you might want to avoid mentioning Squid Games altogether.

You know when the cats were chasing each other through your closet and knocked your good clothes on the floor and you just left them there because you weren’t wearing them anyway? They’ve been super comfy cat beds, but before picking them up and putting them on, toss them in the wash. You don’t want your clothes to announce the fact you have pets before you do.

Unless you are eating burgers, tacos or nachos, using silverware when eating with other people is a must. When sitting alone on your couch it was fine to slurp your Spaghetti-os out of a mug and eat your scrambled eggs with your fingers, but picking up your sauteed veggies with anything other than a fork while out in public is a definite no-no.

Remember that your shirt is not a napkin. It’s been easy to let little things like manners and hygiene slip during this time when special occasions meant you ordered food through Door Dash, but using your sleeve or the inside of your shirt just below the neckline to wipe the pasta sauce off your mouth is no longer going to fly.

There you have it, nine useful tips to help you navigate back into the murky waters of real life. I know your home has been a cozy oasis where you didn’t have to shower, wear clothes that fit, or do much besides pointing the remote at the TV, but as social beings, we humans need to be among our own kind. How else will you learn about the best shows to binge this weekend?

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9 Things You Should Never Do On a First Date

Tips for venturing back out into the real world.