9 Reasons You Should Never Sacrifice for Success
Unless You Actually Enjoy Missing Out on What You Really Want
What does “success” mean to you?
Do you have to think about it before you can answer? Do you even have a definitive answer? You get to define “success” for yourself. But if you don’t bother, then you may as well not worry about it, right?
We all want to be successful. And society gives us plenty of ideas about what success means. But society can get over itself because we live in a free country. I’ll say it again: we get to decide what “success” means to us.
Here’s how Merriam-Webster defines “success”:
“[a] favorable or desired outcome”
And here’s how Merriam-Webster defines “sacrifice”:
“to suffer loss of, give up, renounce, injure, or destroy especially for an ideal, belief, or end”
Now, do you still want to make sacrifices to be successful?
You may assume I’m wrong about success not requiring sacrifices — you may think my definition of “success” is too wimpy to demand sacrifices. But it’s not. Let me tell you nine reasons why my success doesn’t require me to make sacrifices. And yours doesn’t have to either.
9 Reasons Why Success Shouldn’t Require Sacrifice
You Deserve to Live a Full Life, Not a “Balanced” Life
Did you ever notice that men never get asked, “how do you balance work and family?” Men are expected to be able to do both, but for some reason (sexism), it’s assumed that women can’t do both.
I’m here to tell you that regardless of your gender identity or expression, you can have both work and family. You can follow your professional passions and live out your dream to raise a family of your own.
How do I know this? Because lots of people do it. It’s possible. If it weren’t, nobody would be able to do it.
This applies to other seemingly opposing dreams, too. For example, you can work a full-time job and write a book. You can travel the world and be an entrepreneur. I know someone who teaches K-12 and writes romantic fiction (under a pen name).
It’s doable because people are doing it. You can too.
What are two “opposing” dreams you want to fulfill? Can you see a way to choose “both/and” instead of “either/or”?
We want “And” Not “Or”
Do you want to go to grad school or have children? Start dating again or save for retirement? Start a business or volunteer?
These might seem like obvious “both/and” scenarios, but take a closer look. Grad school, dating, and starting a business all require vast amounts of time and energy. So do having children, saving for retirement, and volunteering.
How about this option: all of the above? Now we see the need to choose “and” instead of “or.” Maybe you won’t do all of those things at the same time, or maybe you will. Again, people do it. Why not you?
The Universe is Abundant, Not Lacking in Anything
There’s enough to go around. Even if it doesn’t seem that way. Yes, I realize people on this planet are suffering because of a lack of resources. But here’s the thing — they don’t have to. We could fix this.
You don’t have to suffer from a lack of resources — be they love, money, fulfillment, or anything else you desire — because the Universe is an abundant place. There’s more than enough to go around if you tap into Source or a Higher Power.
That may sound a little (or a lot) like“woo woo” to you. And that’s okay. But I’m wondering: do you believe in abundance or scarcity? To know the answer, look at your results. Check your performance at work. Check your bank statement. That will tell you everything you need to know.
If the Universe truly is an abundant place, and I believe it is, why would you lack any good thing? Is it because you’re choosing to believe you can’t have it?
I’m not perfect. I’m still learning to believe in abundance, but my faith is growing all the time.
Merriam-Webster offers another definition of “sacrifice”:
“destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else”
An abundant universe is creative, not destructive. It doesn’t require sacrifices; it requires faith.
“Sacrifice” is a Disempowering Word; “Choose” is Better
If we have to give up something we want for the sake of something else we want, how do we stay motivated in our pursuit of success? Especially without feeling resentful of it?
So many people fear success. Why is that? I think it’s because we’ve been raised to believe that success is limited; it requires us to “destroy” or “surrender” some of our deeply held desires, to borrow from Merriam-Webster’s definition.
That’s really unfortunate, isn’t it? It puts us in a victim mentality. We can’t have it all. We have to choose between Desire A and Desire B. Our dreams will never come true because they will always be missing some key components — whatever it was that we had to sacrifice.
Instead of “sacrifice”, I like the word “choose” because it helps me claim responsibility for my life. If I don’t have what I want, what can I do about it? I can make a different choice.
For example, I made a goal to write every day this month. Even so, I’m not making the money I want to make from my writing. It seems there’s more to my success story than writing; namely, self-promotion. So, can’t I just promote my work more often to become successful?
Well, here’s the rub, right? We each only have twenty-four hours in a day. So, if I choose to spend time promoting my writing to other people, I’ll be saying “no” to doing other things during that time. Does this mean I have to make a “sacrifice”? I don’t think so. Instead, it means I have to make a choice.
In other words, I have to prioritize my desires. Maybe I’ll choose to promote my work on social media this afternoon instead of calling a friend. Am I sacrificing my friendship for success? Not if I can help it. I can prioritize my friendships at a later time, say, on the weekend. That way, I really can have it all.
Claim Your Desires — All of Them — and Receive Clarity
Often, we end up making sacrifices because we’re not clear with ourselves or the Universe about what we want.
Clarity creates energy; confusion dispels energy.
So if you’re feeling fuzzy about your dreams or goals, you’ll be slow in putting in the effort to make them happen.
It’s amazing how much being clear about what you want helps. Before I got clear about wanting to write for a living, I worked several jobs, but I never stayed long in one place. I had the potential to be successful in society’s terms, but I didn’t really want that.
Instead, I went within to find my answers. What was it I really wanted to do for a living? The answer was strikingly clear: I wanted to write.
Since I got clear on that, it’s been so much easier to make writing every day a priority. And with that practice in place, my success is inevitable — assuming I keep my mindset in a healthy place and cultivate a strong belief in abundance.
What do you want? If you can’t answer that immediately and specifically, you have some work to do. Reflect, dream, and design the life you want by getting clear about it. After that, you’ll have more energy to pursue success on your terms.
Be Conscious of Your Choices
We make approximately a gazillion choices per day, but here’s the catch: most of those choices happen on autopilot. It’s estimated that 50% of our daily actions are based on habit.
Unconscious choices lead to sacrifices. Conscious choices lead to success and happiness. This is backed by psychology.
Do More
This may sound obvious, or naive, (or both), but to have more, you must do more. As my mom likes to say, “more makes more.” She has another saying I love:
“If you want something done, ask a busy woman.”
Why does this work? Because the active woman (or person) is already engaged in an activity and is more quickly able to accomplish a task than someone who is at rest. (Remember Newton’s first law of motion? An object in motion stays in motion; an object at rest stays at rest.)
What if you’re already maxed out and you want to accomplish more? How do you squeeze it all in? It sounds to me like you’re choosing the wrong things.
Do you really want to do everything that you’re doing? Are you fully engaged in every task as you’re doing it? If not, reconsider your priorities. You may find that you actually want to be doing something else. In that case, make a different choice and do a different action. That way, you’ll get a different result.
Make Time, Don’t Take Time
I got this idea from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.
Are you a victim of time? Here’s how to tell: if you complain about not having enough time, you’re treating it like time is “out there” somewhere and you are subject to its whims.
After reading Hendricks’s book, I’ve committed myself to stop complaining about time. (Or to at least forgive myself and practice self-compassion when I do.) It’s all about reframing.
For example, I’m writing this on a Monday and this morning, I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed about everything I “have to do” this week. I caught myself and promptly forgave myself for having a limiting belief about time.
Then I wrote the following in my journal:
“Everything that’s on my calendar and to-do list is there because I put it there. I’m making choices about how I spend my time. It’s natural and normal to feel overwhelmed at the beginning of a busy week, at least according to the old paradigm I was living under. Now, I choose to be happy and excited about all of the opportunities available to me this week.”
Reframing time helped me feel better. It actually expanded space by giving me room to breathe. I felt relieved when I read what I’d written about time.
If you’re feeling pressed for time, I invite you to reframe it by taking full responsibility for yourself and how you’re choosing to spend your time. You might find great relief through the process.
Some Future President Will Be a Mother
If she can run the country and her household at the same time, you and I can do everything we want to do too. Yes, I realize that a President has many people supporting and helping her run the country.
But you and I have support too. By relying on a Higher Power, our Higher Selves, and each other, we can do more in this lifetime that we’d ever dreamed or imagined.
May it be so.