Life Story

9 Months to Gain, 12 Months to Loose

The Bright Side of Looking Yourself Good, It’s your choice and nobody has the right to body-shame

Last year this time, I weighed 134lbs (61kg) and today around 108lbs (49Kg). Here’s my story about how I lost almost 26lbs (12kg) and still counting.

When I looked up, my eyes met my tiny bundle of joy, sleeping in a baby cot calmly, without having any clue that his mum profoundly sweating even in cold weather. And when I looked down, I saw a weighing scale under my feet trying to catch his breath.

I walked over to my cupboard, looked through my fittings to check if anything fits me, instead they were grinning at me.

Almost every time, my thoughts were rapidly firing on how am I going to lose what I have gained over 9 months? Yet, I enjoyed my baby’s presence. I became highly emotional all-time. Thanks to hormones and postpartum hangover. Those effects mercilessly scrawled over me, made me tired, a senseless, and a foolish person with weird thoughts.

My heart was jumping up and down when we saw a tiny fluttering heart during the ultrasound, Yes, we are ready to welcome our 2nd baby. A sister or brother to my darling daughter and she was way excited than us.

During each clinical visit, my heart pounded when the clinical assistant would ask me to step on the weighing scale. Hesitantly, I would step on it and would give a flash at my husband’s to see his reaction. There you go, Numbers are kept on going up without any doubt or sense as the machine was ready for it.

Each time when I step on them, I had this phobia and I felt the scale is grinning at me without having any sympathy but with a scary face. It could be my imagination, but it hurts a lot. By the time when I walked into the delivery suite, I weighed 134 pounds. I was or wasn’t ready to embrace.

As everybody says, the weight will start to reduce once after delivery and I looked forward to it. So I continued breastfeeding journey and embarked on confinement food, starts to eat all healthy versions. In a moment I thought, yes, I could feel my clothes are no longer tight and I will be able to shed the weight as I thought.

Neither I want nor I wish to step on weighing scale anymore as if we are not friends anymore. I kept a distance from it and never even bothered about it. I left it in a corner.

I started to worry when my postnatal massage lady pointed out a bitter truth that, “you look the same, but my other clients shed their weight easily”. Dear Lord help me there, How am I going to convince her “Hey lady, it’s all those stupid hormones, we waged a war 7 years ago, still fighting, but in a friendly manner and the war will continue till my last breath”.

Yes, You heard me right, I am under hypothyroid (Underactive thyroid) treatment and I need a regular pill (different dosages) daily in the early morning (empty stomach) to maintain myself and to make me better. Somebody called it a “Simple, small pill” but I am not so sure how simple is this pill and skeptical.

To me, the pill is the life savor, without him(the pill) I might not survive. So he (Mr.Hypothyroid) will not let go of me that easily hence the weight. I have to put double, a triple effort to make it happen.

I have done this before, exactly 4 years ago and I was able to do it, gradually, yet I did it. I reached my target weight, took about 15 months less or more. But this time, I wasn’t so sure due to practical reasons.

1. Age matters (getting old, I am not that old as you think but older than yesterday).
2. Hormonal changes matter (reaction to a younger body Vs older body).
3. My current health condition.
4. Too busy (with 2 kids and full-time working).
5. Willingness matters.

I did lose some weight right after my delivery but had not moved much thereafter, So my situation was dreadful and I would ask this question every day “Will I lose weight? Will I be back to my old self?” I was extremely stressed by such thoughts and I wasn’t nearly myself.

During childhood days, I wasn’t a slim child, but not chubby. However, teenage phase hormone changes took a toll on me and yes, I became chubby and people use to mock me including my own family and friends. I just didn’t know what do do and how to face it, neither I don’t have a heavy eating habit, but I was gaining weight from whatever I eat.

I used to say this to console myself and itchy minded people “If you are the owner of a good soul, whatever you eat will reflect on your body”.

I still do remember one of my friend’s parent was commenting on me “Hold on to Anju if there is a storm”, as usual, I laughed at it as if I pretend that I enjoyed his damn joke. But in reality, it hurts me inside out and I still couldn’t get it over with it.

I am not tall, 150 cm, so any extra Kg would reflect as overweight. I didn’t bother about it once, neither it affected my freedom. But a few years back, even before my marriage, I was shopping with one of my friends and she is very skinny. She is trying on a few clothes and not satisfied with any and hopping from one section to another.

Meanwhile, I was staring at myself through the mirror, I just couldn’t take it and I decided that I have to do something and I did. I shed extra weight doing some outdoor morning exercises, control my diet on my own. I didn’t rely on any weight loss program, no extra workouts, no gyms. I did on my own and I was extremely happy with the result.

I wasn’t delusional at this time, but back to my reality, going through the same phase and staring at me through the mirror. Here’s what I did;

I put a stop sign on obsessive thinking of weight loss (Stressing yourself will do the opposite).

Never step on the weighing scale daily.

Exercise indoor due to my current busy life and COVID-19 crisis (outdoor is best if given a choice).

Exercise at least 2 times a day, each workout session lasted about 10 minutes and focused on diastasis recti (those special post-delivery exercises and no regress types).

Cut down the intake of sugar (all sugary stuff such as pastries, cakes, ice creams).

Drink plenty of water, especially before meals (It will help you to reduce the food intake).

Gradually control the portion of the food.

Munch few nuts and dark chocolates when I feel hungry (mainly peanuts, almonds except for cashew nuts). I guess I might have boosted Lindt’s production.

Drink black coffee, especially before exercise (Its a metabolism booster I heard).

Mindful eating (avoid any type of food in excess).

Sleep well.

Most Importantly, I believed in myself that I can do it.

Last but not least, Losing or gaining weight is an individual’s choice. Nobody has a say in it. My body, My choice.