8th March Reminded Me Why I am Not a Feminist
An open letter to all feminists
Two weeks have passed since the celebration of the world-wide day “Women’s Day”. Like every year, I question my beliefs and search for answers to them. I am quite an open-minded person but when it comes to hot topics like; should I take Meghan’s side or Kate’s, should I write every day on Medium or thrice a week, and whether I believe in feminism, my brain ceases to give an accurate answer. But there is one thing that I know for sure; that I am not a feminist, but I am not an Anti-Feminist either.
One of the main reasons that my belief in this subject has become so certain is that I have read history for about a few months now. And being a woman myself of the 21st century, I searched first for women in history. Yes, I found horrible stories about women; how they were abused in the name of baseless sexism, no credit for their hard work, no right to vote, no ownership of the child they bore, FGM, unequal pay, harassment of all types in all places, being married off to the rapist and so much more of the brutal circumstances in which our female ancestors survived. It was too much.
But I did wonder about one thing; can a conclusion be drawn, looking at the circumstances, that women have always suffered at the hands of men and the patriarchal systems formed by treating their fragile masculine egoistic issues?
To find out the answer, I read more history and to my surprise, I could now call a few women even from those harsh times to be my mentors and they were not conventional feminists. The list of strong women that I found is so long that I will have to write another article on it.
So here are the reasons I am not a Feminist.
Focusing on Differences Extinguishes the Real Purpose
In my belief, women and men weren’t so divided before as much as they are today. Yes, women and men must be divided, but not too much as to reach the point of unnecessity. This wears off the real purpose of any achievement. Why add the notion of gender where it is unnecessary?
The very recent example of it is the Forbes Magazine Headline: Bumble Cofounder Becomes World’s Youngest Self-Made Woman Billionaire. But Jeff Bezos isn’t a Man Billionaire. This extinguished the purpose and the real message that anyone can become the next billionaire who works hard for it.
It furthermore promotes hate and absurd victimization of women by making them think that there are still seats left for them to crush the male counterparts to be the next in the line of predominantly male billionaires instead of really focusing on the other actual reasons that might include that woman’s lack of interest in the job that she is doing to be the next successful, headstrong feminist.
“Victimhood gives us great moral superiority and entitles us to unquestioning sympathy while exempting us from examining any single one of our actions. A victim is utterly devoid of responsibility or blame. This of course leaves us vulnerable as we will carry on engaging in precisely the behaviour which provoked an unacceptable response.” ― Belinda Brown
Now, I don’t mean to say that if you are being paid less than your male counterparts precisely because of your gender, it’s okay to stay silent. No, never at all, one must fight for the rights they deserve but blaming it all on men or the system where it is not entirely the case will lead to many other sorts of inequalities. For instance, a woman and man are fighting for the last seat to their dream university, there is more probability of the woman getting the seat even if the male counterpart has worked harder than her on the basis of gender-based quota.
Fallacious Representation Of a Strong Woman
I hate feminism, it is poison. — Marget Thatcher
During my observation of feminist women from all different categories, I noticed one thing that made them stand on one stage — the ideal of strong and true feminist, a trying to be man-woman; a short haircut, a deep voice, an assertive, bold, and confident attitude, the independent, the one who always speaks up, the tech addict, the boss in play.
But aren’t being assertive, bold, and confident traits that anyone can have and shouldn’t be a representation of masculinity? And like always speaking up, they are actually excellent traits to lead.
But also, is a strong woman only defined by such traits? As Jessa Crispin, the author of Why I am Not a Feminist says:
“The metric is how many women are the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.”
Does a stay-at-home mother not have any place in the panel of success? Because there are many women who want to be mothers as well. But the ideologies of feminism deprive them of the choice by making them choose between a self-loving, career-oriented woman and a self-less, sad mother.
Take Hilary Clinton, for instance. She portrays herself as a feminist icon or as a gutsy woman who paved the path for many other young women to come to a place filled with hopeless misogyny and patriarchy. But she brushes under the rug having a close political relationship with Harvey Weinstein, the most unpopular gentleman. She in fact didn’t even include Margaret Thatcher in her book The Book of Gusty Women mainly because Margret never considered herself a feminist and if measured in the struggle for power, Margaret can be more but not less.
Cultural and Religious Backup
Only an honourable man treats women with honour and integrity, and only a vile and dishonourable man humiliates and degrades women. — Prophet Muhammad
Feminism does not need to be applied all over the world because this world is huge and so, the problems are different that require different solutions. The idea of Feminism is principally a Western one. And they don't essentially apply quite well in Eastern societies.
Because if I talk about Muslim countries like mine, we don't quite need movements like feminism (even though they are on a high rise), if the religion is followed properly.
Allow me to brag a little about the religion that I chose to follow, Islam. We have the complete rights to education, property, job, choice to marry the person we like, divorce, complete ownership of our own money/property( even one’s broke husband can’t touch his wife’s band account). Our ancestors were enjoying these rights at the time when the clergymen in the West were figuring out if a woman is even a full human or not and even before when Aristotle was telling Alexander to stay away from his wife or it might ruin him.
One of the very few things that I like about my culture, is the concept of segregation. It might sound too conservative to follow, but the results are exactly what we all as women desire-no place for harassment. It was once in our culture to have a separation by gender in almost everything; hospitals, wedding halls, schools, colleges, etc. This ensured zero molestation and even if it did happen, very strict rules would be used against the wrong party.
The other benefit of such segregation was equity in merit. If a woman and a man want to apply to be a doctor, they will be entered into the hospital without taking over the other’s seat.
What Causes the Need for Meninism?
Emma Watson said in her speech at the UN:
“Feminism has become synonymous with Man -Hating.”
Why is it so if the movements for Feminism meant equality for both genders? How did it become biased?
Third-Wave feminism is really changing for the worse. It is ruining the purpose it started off for. It is becoming a notion for gender equality by considering only womens’ rights and almost disregarding men’s rights. It has assumed that the economic, political and societal standard of men is the goal to achieve while causing the formation of a few laws that are misandrous.
Twinkle Khanna, a popular Indian feminist in one of her interviews said:
“My mother made it very clear from the beginning that you don’t need a man. It would be nice to have a man, like you’d have a nice handbag but a plastic would do too. For a really long time I grew up with the notion that there was not much use for them.”
I mean, just imagine the vice-versa being said by a man, it would be a disaster, a new trending Twitter hashtag. I don’t mean that its okay if men are being misogynists but it is also not okay if women are being misandrous.
If we look closely at the statistics of the current men’s situation, it is shocking. 72% suicides committed are by men, 93.2% prisoners are men, more probability of mother to get the custody of her child, 70% of the homeless people are men, 92% of people working in labour are men, people dying in wars are mostly men.
But feminists seem to put blanket judgment over #AllMen that they are all privileged. No feminist really talks about the rights of men being ignored.
Donald Trump is one of the last people I would like to quote especially since he himself is a massive sexist but there was an Indian man holding a banner of a quote that he said:
“It is a very scary time for young men in America, where you can be guilty of something you may not be guilty of.”
But it is very true for countries like mine where feminism is rising high and also other countries as well, for a woman to gain a divorce. In countries like mine, the groom gives his bride some money/property as a gift and it is given back to the husband if the woman asks for a divorce. If the woman now wants a divorce, she can easily blame the man for domestic violence or any other such crime that he has not committed to get away without giving money back. Such crimes by very few women should be kept in checks and balances, and trust should be established with the party that is right; be it a woman or a man.
What Do We Need to Do?
Since there are many problems, there are many solutions, but a few can be common to all of them.
Show Up. Normalize a woman being strong, assertive, ambitious, passionate, yet kind and loving; businesswoman, prime minister, chef, gymnast, mother in her own way rather than comparing with men. There is basically no competition on the basis of gender. If one wants to compete, compete on the basis of values and virtues.
Stop making headlines of a Woman Billionaire.
Remove Bias. Consider both the genders when talking about equality and don’t generalize the issues. More precisely, fight for equity. Don’t leave one gender behind in the race.
Let’s join our hands together for a better world, a world full of opportunities for those who desire and let none of us be bullied, harassed, molested, snatched rights from anyone!
Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me, and the entire human race.