8 Unsmart Incidents I Dealt With Being an Art Teacher
The things highly unartistic humans say. Gosh…
I don’t think I need an intro. The title says it all so let’s melt your eyes, shall we?
*sounds of cheers and utter joy*
Highly unartistic human #1
On one of my breaks I received a video chat call from my (ex) mother-in-law. Yeah, I don’t like her either. I pick up, she looked slightly panicked. Why, what’s the matter — you?
Her: Oh, hi Jay! I hope I am not disturbing you. I was wondering if you could offer me your expertise since you studied art and I know nothing about art.
Me: Sure, anything. What’s up?
She walked away from the screen and came back holding a broken vase.
She: Can you help me fix this, please?
Highly unartistic human #2
One of the teachers came to my classroom one time with a bag of fabric. I had no idea what she wanted.
Her: I just think you are so talented with colours and stuff.
Me: Thank you…
Her: I was wondering if you could make me a skirt since you are so artistic.
Highly unartistic human #3
My neighbour asked me to come over for a chat one time. She was telling me how she wanted a special birthday for her daughter. Cool.
Her: I want this to be special since she will be moving out soon. Can you help me out?
Me: Of course. I can help with decorating if you want. Maybe shopping?
Her: No actually, since you are an art teacher, can you help with the cake?
Me: Oh, do you want me to paint something on the frosting? *I got excited*
Her: No, I was hoping you could make me a rainbow layer cake. I thought the best person to ask is an art teacher!
Highly unartistic human #4
A parent in Dubai asked me if I could tutor her daughter in art. She chased me for months and I eventually budged. On my first visit I asked the girl to get all her supplies. She looked a bit confused.
Me: What’s wrong, Salama?
Girl: Teacher, my mother say you come do art, not teach art.
I asked for her mother to come speak to me.
Me: Salama doesn’t want to do the art class, I think.
Mum: Oh, she love art! But you do please her art projects. She look only.
N.B.: I mean no disrespect with the broken English. This is my attempt to bring you as close as possible to my experience.
Highly unartistic human #5
This happened here in my house. I had started teaching art from home and one of the parents called to ask if her son could attend.
Me: Of course! I have classes for his age on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
Her: Mmm, can he just come from 3 pm to 5pm today? I need to be somewhere and have no one to watch him.
Highly unartistic human #6
This was in a school in Egypt. Right before school started the principal asked to meet for our first day of school activities
Her: I have prepared a schedule with all your activities.
I looked on the sheet and my name was nowhere to be found.
Me: I’m sorry, I think you forgot to put my name down.
Her: The art teacher’s job is to make goody bags for the children the first week.
Highly unartistic human #7
A friend came to see me at school. I took her to my classroom where she was marvelling at the kids’ art work.
Her: Have you ever done big art projects? I need you to help me with one of my rooms.
Me: Yes, of course. What were you thinking? Do you have a particular image in mind? I love doing murals!
She looked a bit puzzled.
Her: What mural? I just want you to help paint my wall since you’re an art teacher.
Highly unartistic human #8
At one of my parents' meetings, a mother was concerned about her son’s grade in art. I showed her his portfolio. She looked at one of the drawings and asked what it was.
Me: This is supposed to be a fruit bowl from one of our still life drawing classes.
Her: Can’t you just let him trace it?
Me: Trace what?
Her: The fruit bowl!?
I would like to thank my art classroom walls for being patient and respectful. It wasn’t easy to hear all those things and keep quiet, but you did. You have earned my absolute respect. Well done my dears!
Thank you for staying around. Until next time, be kind.
Jay
Dedicated to all teachers and ex-teachers Maryam Ismail Carrie. A. Kelly
Thank you Regi Brittain for your edits and laffs!
