8 Tips to Supercharge Your Self-Love
Our world can be challenging — use these tips to turn that frown upside down and supercharge your love for yourself.
Loving oneself — self-love — has gotten a bad rap in modern society. We’re told not to think too much of ourselves, and not to place ourselves above others without defining what self-love actually IS.
Self-love can be described as a “state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support one’s physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” To express self-love, you must take care of your own needs and not sacrifice your well-being to please others — even those you love and who say they love you.
Check out the tips below for ways you can extend and expand your level of love for yourself while navigating our increasingly complex and polarizing world:
1. Consider the 24-hour opportunity cost of hating yourself
Every day, we’re given 24 hours. At least five or six of those hours are spent sleeping (or more if you’re fortunate). That leaves approximately 18 hours for you to either love yourself or not.
If you spend most of the time disliking yourself and putting yourself down, you have wasted that time — thrown it out the window, never to return. You’ve also quenched the fire of your motivation and enthusiasm — and you’ll need to put in extra effort to stoke and rebuild that fire.
Here’s an alternative — set an intention to spend most of that time loving yourself instead. Eliminate the time and effort it takes to hate yourself.
2. When you love yourself, others will be encouraged to love you too
Love is considered a positive emotion — under normal circumstances (stalkers and the psychotically possessive not included). When you project love, it comes back to you. You attract what you are putting into the world.
The same is true when you project negativity. It will come right back to you. Ever notice how one “down” or “toxic” person in a group can change the whole tenor of a conversation and the associated interactions for the worse? Since the choice is yours, why not choose positivity and love?
3. Stay away from negative, energy-draining people
These energy vampires suck your positive energy stores to the point where you become just like them over time. Think back to anyone who you view as negative. What benefits do you acquire from their negative behavior, attitude, or vocabulary?
Think hard — I bet you won’t be able to come up with any. One of my personal goals is to leave people feeling better after talking with me than they did before our conversation. Save your precious time for people who ADD to your life instead of always taking FROM it.
4. Focus most of your energy on the present — let go of the shadowy past
The present is the only time frame you have some control over. The past cannot be changed — no matter how many times we play and replay it in our minds and hearts.
The future hasn’t happened yet — and truly, it’s not guaranteed. People tend to spend more energy dwelling on these time frames that are out of their control, and they lose sight of living right NOW.
5. You are the only person that can completely love yourself the majority of the time
Your parents, family, and true friends absolutely love you. There’s a big BUT, however — they have their own lives to live. While they may support you, and be there for you, they cannot (and likely will not) do this every second of the day.
You must be the one who does it for yourself when they aren't around. If you can do it while they are not there, why not do it when they are there as well? Expressing love for yourself is a key requirement for healthy self-esteem and unshakable self-confidence.
Knowing that you can give love to yourself means that you are stronger than most, and you don’t NEED to depend on anyone else.
6. You’re cutting yourself off from opportunities if you don’t love yourself
It’s all about projecting the right kind of message to others. Your body language, your actions, your expressions, and your tone of voice reflect how you feel about yourself. People notice this even at a subconscious level.
If you give off a negative vibe, others may not consider you for a promotion or other opportunities. If you don’t value yourself, people WILL know. If you continually speak ill of yourself, people will notice it and will avoid you, or worse, agree with you.
7. To love yourself, start by liking yourself
Give yourself permission to genuinely LIKE who you are. Start by celebrating your good qualities — no one is 100% bad or incapable. Learning to accept your faults while committing to consistent positive change in the areas you CAN affect is the path to self-acceptance.
Make planned and intentional changes when you feel changes are needed and give yourself the gift of time to manifest the changes. You didn’t become who you currently are overnight — build on what you LIKE about yourself and make consistent gradual changes for the things you want to improve.
8. Avoid toxic people
People who are critical of you either don’t understand who you are, are envious of you on some level or are going through issues of their own. You can and should ignore these people. Be aware that this is different than your boss giving you constructive criticism at work.
Constructive criticism is vastly different than just being critical. Truly constructive criticism isn’t about airing complaints or tearing anyone down — according to BetterUp.com, it’s a feedback method that offers you specific, actionable recommendations for how to improve.
It’s about building you up, not tearing you down, with clear, direct, honest, easy-to-implement solutions for corrective action. Constructive criticism builds trust — and if you’re not feeling that, or hearing the next steps that build you up, gon’ head and brush your shoulders off and keep it moving.
If you’ve gotten used to NOT expressing self-love, you’re going to need to put in some work on a consistent basis for at least 30 days to start turning that situation around.
You didn’t become hard on yourself overnight, so it’s not going to vanish overnight, but YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THAT.
Don’t wait another day — start examining what you DO like about yourself and reinforce, celebrate, and enjoy those aspects. It gets easier every day that you do it, and YOU DESERVE IT.
