8 Tips for Planning a Meaningful Large Wedding When You Don’t Have an Unlimited Budget

You’ve got to be ruthless in order to splurge on your top priorities.

I had a two-year engagement before my wedding day. My now-husband swears I told him I wanted a long engagement so I could have plenty of time to plan our wedding. In retrospect, that wasn’t a good idea. I got overwhelmed by the options early on and spent far too many nights stressed over details, frustrated by family requests, and desperate to just be done with the whole thing. Yet throughout it all, I knew elopement or a destination wedding were never viable options.

We each have large extended families who all live within an hour of us, so we knew it was going to be a big wedding from the beginning. Our parents were very generous in helping fund the wedding, but we definitely had to carefully consider how to allocate limited resources to celebrate with nearly 300 of our family and friends.

1. Identify your top three non-negotiable priorities. Anyone on a budget will tell you you cannot get everything you want. I absolutely adored one amazing wedding photographer couple whose photo journalistic style was so captivating. Yet hiring the couple was nearly 1/4 of my wedding budget. I agonized over being so extravagant about photography and met with several other photographers. Ultimately, we decided that photography was important and we would cut back in other areas. I don’t regret that decision at all as I look at several of my favorite wedding photos daily. Our other 2 priorities were 1) offering delicious food as we didn’t want to end up at a mediocre venue with lackluster “rubber chicken” meals and 2) we didn’t want to cut our guest list in half to fit other expenses into our budget. In order to splurge on these three priorities, we had to be ruthless at every other expense.
2. Figure out where you will have the wedding ceremony and reception. I knew I didn’t want a hotel ballroom for my wedding because I didn’t want to spend the money on flowers, lighting, and rental chairs and tables to dress it up. I thought about renting a winery or a stunning historical home in my hometown, but those options would cost thousands of dollars and still require renting tables and chairs and hiring a caterer. Thus, we decided to get the best food for our budget and compromise on aesthetics. We held our reception at a Chinese restaurant, hosting a traditional wedding banquet with multiple gourmet courses (and at a far cheaper price than a fancy hotel’s cheapest meal). I reminded myself that the focus would be on celebrating with family and friends who love us, not the utilitarian lazy Susan on each table covered with a dozen or more tempting dishes. I was a little disappointed not to have elegant centerpieces on each table, but they would have been moved to the ground as soon as the food started showing up! To counteract the giant reception, we had a small ceremony earlier in the day in my future in-laws’ backyard, only inviting our parents, grandparents, our siblings, and our parents’ siblings.
3. Figure out what you’re going to wear and how much you’re willing to spend on your appearance. I know we all want to look amazing on our special day, but at what cost? I wistfully admired a spectacular dress that I saw in a wedding magazine. It was by a San Francisco designer who custom makes them for her brides. It was unlike anything I had seen, given its gorgeous draping on the full skirt (it was almost origami-like). I even went in for a consultation, but then balked at the price. It would have been 20% of my entire budget and I’d only wear it for a few hours. Instead, I bought my simple strapless A-line dress at another boutique’s sample sale. As an aside, you might also consider a previously worn dress through eBay, consignment, or thrift stores. I found a simple white Vera Wang column dress with spaghetti straps for only $10 from a thrift store in San Francisco shortly after my now-husband proposed back in 2000. It was a heavy-duty cotton material (not satin or lace) so it seemed most appropriate for a simple beach wedding. I later sold it on eBay when I deemed it too casual for my wedding. I bought my satin heels from DSW (Discount Shoe Warehouse) instead of splurging on fancy designer heels because I figured no one would see my shoes, anyway! I also went with a low-cost hairstylist at a local salon who did my updo and my make-up. I regret that, though, as my updo fell out before the reception and my makeup faded as well. In retrospect, I wish I had asked around and found a reasonably priced but highly recommended wedding hairstylist and make-up artist.
4. How much do you care about decor and other extras? As I mentioned earlier, my priority was excellent food, celebrating with almost all our family and friends, and capturing that all on film in a photojournalistic style. Thus, I didn’t really focus much on decor (which can be a huge expense). I hired a florist who only made the bare minimum for us. We didn’t have a bridal party so we only needed a simple bouquet of Black Magic roses (a deep dark red velvety rose) for me, boutonnieres for the groom and male relatives, corsages for the female relatives, one beautiful centerpiece for the head table (a long rectangular table on a raised platform at the front of the restaurant where we sat with our parents and my husband’s 4 grandparents), and some roses for the three-tier cake. I did want a delicious and pretty cake, but we managed to save money there, too. We had the baker make a small three-tier cake for the cake-cutting but then had a lot more sheet cake in the back to serve the majority of our nearly 300 guests. Ordering a small tiered cake plus sheet cake is much cheaper than ordering a beautifully decorated eight-tier cake. In addition to skipping the centerpieces, we also didn’t order programs, hand-calligraphed place cards, or fancy favors. I made a giant poster with table assignments and printed out guests’ place cards on my printer. For favors, we burned CDs of our favorite songs and gave each guest (or couple) a CD with a custom label (printed at home). It was time-intensive but budget-friendly!
5. Reassess your budget during the planning phase and consider whether you can add lower priorities back in. I initially planned to skip videography and a day-of wedding coordinator. However, as we got closer to the date, I realized I would like a video (which I’ve watched maybe 3 times over the past 19 years) and someone to handle any last-minute issues. I looked closer at my budget and didn’t have enough to hire professionals. Fortunately, thinking outside of the box, I was able to hire my youngest sister-in-law’s friends (all high school students at the time) to serve as day-of coordinators and videographers. They obviously weren’t professionals, but they did a great job shooting video (I think we had 2 different home video cameras on tripods!) and managing the little details. No one had to ask me questions on the day of the wedding, so I enjoyed myself immensely. One young man who edited the raw footage ended up going to film school, so we really lucked out.
6. Smile politely when any family or friends offer advice and try not to get too ruffled. “Bridezillas” (i.e., brides who are controlling, trigger-sensitive, and melodramatic) are real, but has anyone ever asked how they get triggered? My theory is that constant input from others can make many stressed-out brides freak out and put their foot down on seemingly minor issues. In my case, my parents caused me so much stress because I felt pressure to change my plans to address their concerns or accommodate their last-minute requests. For example, after we shared we wanted a small ceremony in my future in-laws’ back yard with just family (since we knew we would have nearly 300 guests at the reception), my mom told me it was shameful to get married at home. She said only a newlywed couple who was trying to hide their news would marry at home. I stuck to my guns despite several arguments (pulling a Bridezilla move in their eyes). My relatives grudgingly admitted later that it was a lovely, intimate ceremony. Another example of familial stress happened a couple of weeks before the wedding, when mom said, “The groom’s family is supposed to come to the bride’s home and pick us all up. It’s disrespectful if we just show up at the ceremony site.” I did not know this Chinese custom. Our plan was that our parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles would all just meet at the ceremony site. I couldn’t believe my mom dropped this on me at the last minute and I started freaking out. Ultimately, we settled on having a limo pick up my parents and my dad’s sisters, so the groom’s family was still “sending” for them. I could have saved myself a lot of tears and stress by not letting last-minute surprises overwhelm me.
7. Expect surprises and try to roll with them. I can think of several unexpected issues that affected our wedding, but the first one that comes to mind is that several guests snuck in hard alcohol. We deliberately only offered wine because I have friends who are/were heavy drinkers. Yet I didn’t realize they would actually bring in bottles of whiskey. I deliberately avoided that table after dinner as they kept trying to get me to take shots with them. Another issue is that of guests bringing additional uninvited guests with them who had not RSVP’ed. Fortunately, I was told that happens in the Chinese culture, so we had already ordered two extra tables to accommodate random people.
8. Schedule some “quiet time” for yourselves after the ceremony/before the reception. Yes, you want to celebrate with the large group of family and friends you’ve gathered together on your wedding day, but finding quiet moments to relish your newlywed status together is special. I still remember sitting with my husband in the back seat of the classic car we rented and falling asleep on his shoulder as we drove to the reception site. I hadn’t slept well the night before, a combination of excitement and anxiety, and that blissful nap really recharged me before the long night ahead of us. Before I fell asleep, we chatted and marveled at being married. Carve time out for that opportunity to connect, reflect, and rejoice in your marriage.

In retrospect, the wedding planning experience was more stressful than anticipated. I remember joking that we should have just planned a destination wedding, so only those guests who truly love us would make the effort to travel there. Yet I also cherish the fact that my husband’s four grandparents were all at our wedding and sat at the head table with us. I remember looking out at all the people at our reception thinking, “Wow, look at all the people who love us that are celebrating with us here tonight!”

May your wedding be a lovely and heartwarming experience, too.