avatarHakima T A N T R I K A

Summary

The article outlines eight behaviors that confident women typically avoid in their dating lives, emphasizing the importance of self-worth, independence, and clear boundaries.

Abstract

The article "8 Things Confident Women Don’t Do" provides insight into the dating habits of confident women, as exemplified by the author's friend Louise. It suggests that such women do not chase men, seek external validation, overreact to disappointments, give all their time to one man, compromise their boundaries, play games, see themselves as victims, or think short-term. Instead, they embody a sense of self-worth, maintain independence, and uphold their standards, which in turn makes them more attractive to potential partners. The article implies that confidence is a key factor in attraction and that anyone can cultivate it by avoiding these eight detrimental behaviors.

Opinions

  • Confident women like Louise understand their worth and do not settle for less than they deserve in relationships.
  • External validation is seen as unnecessary for confident women, who are secure in their self-image and do not rely on others to feel good about themselves.
  • Reacting negatively to situations like being stood up is discouraged; responding with kindness can sometimes turn the situation around.
  • Dating with options and not investing all one's time in a single person is advised to maintain independence and avoid desperation.
  • Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is crucial for confident women, who prioritize their needs and are willing to end relationships that do not align with their values.
  • Playing manipulative or competitive games in dating is viewed as a sign of insecurity and is something confident women avoid.
  • Confident women do not view themselves as victims in their relationships, taking responsibility for their choices and standing up against disrespect.
  • They have a clear vision of what they want in a partner and do not settle for relationships that do not meet their long-term goals.

8 Things Confident Women Don’t Do

#4: They don’t date one man at a time

Photo by Autumn Goodman on Unsplash

My best friend Louise is the queen of attraction. I have never seen anyone who had so many men doing everything possible to win her heart. Surprise dinners and cross-country trips to share a coffee with her are just the norm. It didn’t matter if they were young or old, short or tall, rich or poor — they would do the impossible to spend time with her.

It made me curious. How does she do that? I asked her and she told me something that I’ll always remember.

There are two kinds of women in this world. Women who know their worth and women who have forgotten.

We talked a little bit more and we realized that there were eight things that Louise and other confident women don’t do. There is significant research that shows that women who are confident are deemed more attractive. The best part is that everybody can embody confidence if they don’t do these eight things.

#1: They don’t chase men

One of the main things that keep women from finding a guy worth their time is keeping one that isn’t. Louise doesn’t attach her worth to what a man thinks. She is not afraid of being alone or not in a relationship. Men gravitate around her but she doesn’t chase them.

During our conversation, Louise told me the following:

I know what a man would do if he likes me. If he doesn’t, I just know he is not interested and that doesn’t bother me. I don’t take breadcrumbs of men’s attention.

If you have to chase a man, then he has already indicated he is not into you. He doesn’t want to be caught, and chances are he is not that great of a catch. A good and honest guy wouldn’t let you keep running after him. He would tell you that he is not interested so you can move on.

When a man likes you, he would buy an airline ticket to cross the world to come and see you. If he’s not interested, fantastic, you have more free time for yourself.

#2: They don’t seek external validation

If you are always looking for validation or reassurance, then you are dependent on external factors and it is a dangerous game. Being aware of your personality traits, strengths, and weaknesses can work to your advantage. It’s the same with beauty. It is just an illusion — all those long lashes and nails are sometimes not real.

Louise doesn’t feel the need to keep up with trends. It’s not about what she is wearing but how she projects herself in the world. Louise always stands tall. She uses her posture to convey confidence, even when she is not feeling great.

She knows her worth and accepts what she considers her faults, such as that her ears stick out a bit too much. But you would never know because she has healthy self-esteem. Louise is aware that confidence is more than just appearance. But she will also be the first to tell you what a killer pair of high heels can do.

#3: They don’t react

Louise has been on many Tinder dates. One time, a man canceled on her at the last minute. I know many women who would simply ghost the man or react to their poor behavior. Louise didn’t. She sent the most lovely voice message to wish him a great day and have fun.

I will always remember what she told me:

Even if it sucks, kill them with kindness.

The man was very surprised. He messaged her saying, “You are very sweet.” A few days later, he was pursuing her and begging for a second chance to meet. She gave him a second chance and since then he has flown across the country twice to meet with her.

#4: They don’t give men all their time

Louise doesn’t date one man at a time — she dates with options.

Usually, her life is busy with great friendships, or her favorite hobbies such as running. When she does have free time, that’s when she gives it to dating. Not to one man, but the four or five men she’s casually dating.

She is a go-with-the-flow kind of girl and likes to have fun. And the men, if they like her enough, will accept it. It’s funny the lengths they will go to just to get on her calendar. But when she is ready to commit, she enters in whole-heartedly.

#5: They don’t compromise their boundaries

Louise doesn’t compromise her boundaries to make a man happy. She stays grounded. She knows how to say no and not feel pressured in acting a certain way. At times she may not be certain of what she needs, but she is aware of what she doesn’t want.

When Louise was dating Mike, it seemed they were the perfect match. They had so many interests in common. After a couple of months, Mike wanted them to take the relationship to a new level. Louise knew that this wasn’t what she wanted and broke up with him.

If the relationship is right then it will work out. If it’s not, then it’s time to move on. There is no point in blaming the other person.

#6: They don’t play games

Sure, when you first start seeing someone, it is a game of questions. You ask each other all the usual stuff of Where did you go to university or What is your job. But it shouldn’t be a game of manipulation or boasting about who is better.

Louise can sense if the date will be a success or not. When a guy starts to flex his ego or talk about how much he earns, she starts planning her exit. Like attracts like, and Louise recognizes that a confident guy doesn’t need to brag or play games.

Likewise, there is no need for dating rules of not calling or texting for three days after the date. Louise doesn’t play those games. If she likes you then she will call you and set up a time to meet again.

#7: They don’t see themselves as a victim

Confident women are not afraid to admit if they are wrong or have made a mistake.

Louise won’t put up with any disrespect from her dates. She will call a guy out for his poor behavior. If the guy is worth her time then she is willing to find a solution. If not, then she is also fine in saying this isn’t working for me and doesn’t see herself as a victim. She doesn’t try to shift the blame but takes responsibility for her actions.

Confident women know that if something fails, then they should move on and try again.

#8: They don’t think short-term

The one thing confident women have in common is a set of goals when it comes to dating.

Louise knows what she wants in a partner. She wants a tall, sporty, and dark-skinned man. Her last date was the complete opposite. He was fair-haired and slightly overweight. She towered above him when she wore her high heels — and she didn’t like that. Louise knew he wasn’t the “one” for her and ended the relationship.

Just like buying a pair of jeans, confident women will date many men until they find the right fit. They want a partner to build them up and celebrate them, not to make them feel less of themselves.

On the first day of 2021, I picked one word that I wanted to embody: it was “confidence.” 2020 had been a challenging year where my confidence got a hit on the head.

Today, I have learned a lot thanks to Louise. She is a confident and empowered woman. She knows the value of her heart and what she brings to a relationship. She knows what she is looking for and how to go after it.

Her successful example inspires me. Before, I would only date one man at a time and do anything for him to like me back. I would cross my boundaries and give a chance to men who wouldn’t invest much time and energy in me. But today, I understand that “the egg doesn’t chase the sperm,” so I will date with options. I will not take any more breadcrumbs of a man’s attention and I will stay grounded in my feminine power.

I’m grateful for meeting Louise and her teachings. If you want to be a confident woman, I recommend following the steps of Louise too.

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