8 Rules for Building up Self-Respect
Steps to follow to make personal goals more achievable
I did not always take self-respect as my prime orienting idea. But once I did, its development and improvement became my primary aim.
The following rules come from my reading and my own experience. My successful efforts to put them in place have confirmed their utility.
There can be obstacles to improving self-respect, but the rules below help put you ahead of the game.
Worry Less about what others think
When you worry about what others think you may deny expressing your ideas. I have always had this worry but to reduce it, I try to make choices based on what I want rather than what others think.
Moving ahead in this way does not extinguish disapproval. If it comes up, I usually cope by taking this response as an acceptable cost of going after my goals.
Maintain your integrity
Define what integrity means and ensure that you live by that understanding. If your life does not express your character, it will drain you and leave you feeling deficient.
Being steadfast to one’s principles can be challenging when faced with competing interests. Yet, if self-respect is a primary ideal, It usually points you in the right direction.
Cull Negative Companions
If there are people in your life who are negative and have nothing positive to say, keep them away. The best way to maintain self-respect is to find people who admire and value you.
Welcome Failure as Part of Moving Forward
It’s a typical response to be hard on yourself when you’ve failed. Yet, failure can be an opportunity to learn. If you think of failure as an acceptable learning cost, it becomes less of a burden. Instead, see it as an integral role in learning and growth.
Failures aren’t a necessary evil. They aren’t evil at all. They are an inevitable consequence of doing something new and valuable. ( I am a big fan of reframing adverse events in a better way to lessen the pain. )
Have the Attitude of a Lifelong Student
Think of yourself as a lifelong learner. Any skill building is a learning experience. I recently increased my cooking skills from very modest to a higher level of complexity. The sense of competence to do what I before could not do is gratifying.
Approach everything that you do with a student’s mentality. It is best always to be open to new learning, even if you are resistant.
Don’t Let Your Fears Stop You
Allow yourself to keep going in the face of fears. Self-respect can blossom when you allow your desires sometimes to overwhelm your reservations.
Fears arise before an initiative but often are false and do not happen; if they do, you find you can handle them.
“The 7 Secrets of Overcoming Fear 1. Identify your fears 2. Understand your fears 3. Talk about your fears 4. Face your fears 5. Wrestle your fears 6. Overcome your fears 7. Celebrate overcoming your fears” ― Matshona Dhliwayo
Be a Teacher to Others
Be there for someone who needs your guidance and your support. When you see neophytes grow and progress with your help, your self-respect will go up. To empower a person to master new skills is always rewarding.
Define Success for Yourself
Clarify what success means to you and what it means to your confidence.
The secret of success, like the very definition, remains elusive and amorphous. For Thoreau, it was a matter of greeting each day with joy. For Jackson Pollack, it was about being awake to the world. For Paul Graham, it was about purpose rather than prestige. But above all, success is about how you define it.
My definition is to be true to your standards, help others and develop your strengths and skills. If you are going to be a self-disciplined overcomer, then it is best to use self-respect as your guiding light.
In sum: I like the idea of self-respect as a lodestar for what you choose to do. To hold it as a guiding light means you can always see the way ahead. And when you can see, there is less doubt and hesitancy, the death knell of effective action.