Summary

The article critiques Dale Carnegie's classic self-help book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," challenging the practicality and accuracy of several key assertions made by Carnegie.

Abstract

The author expresses dissatisfaction with the advice given in Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People," arguing that many of the book's principles are outdated, overly simplistic, or simply incorrect when applied to real-life situations. The article dissects eight specific claims from the book, questioning the notion that people are only motivated by what they want, challenging the idea that animals like birds and horses do not strive to impress each other, and highlighting the importance of money in relation to happiness. It also critiques the effectiveness of asking questions over giving orders, the self-centered nature of people's interest in names, the necessity of personal effort in learning, and the role of external help in acquiring new skills. The author suggests that while Carnegie's advice may have been revolutionary in the past, modern readers should approach it with a critical eye and recognize that self-help advice must evolve with the times.

Opinions

The assertion that one can get others to do something by giving them what they want is seen as unrealistic and impractical due to varying personal minimums for task acceptance.
The idea that birds and horses are not unhappy because they do not try to impress others is dismissed as inaccurate, especially considering their social behaviors and hierarchies.
The advice to ask questions instead of giving orders is viewed as incomplete, as it ignores the reality of power dynamics and the need for clear directives in certain situations.
The claim that people are more interested in their own name than in any other name is challenged, with the author suggesting that people are often more fascinated by the names of celebrities and influencers.
The article argues that happiness is significantly influenced by external conditions, particularly wealth, contradicting Carnegie's view that it is solely a matter of mental attitude.
The notion that children must be willing to climb a little themselves to be pushed up the ladder is seen as naive, with the author pointing out that external motivation and fun are often necessary to engage children in undesirable tasks.
The advice to be interested to be interesting is critiqued, with the author proposing that actively engaging in interesting activities is more effective for gaining attention and admiration.
The author ridicules the idea that one cannot teach anything but can only help others find knowledge within themselves, suggesting that structured learning and external guidance are essential components of education.
The article concludes by suggesting that self-help advice, including Carnegie's, should be scrutin

8 Ridiculous Things Said by Dale Carnegie Which Don’t Stand Up to Scrutiny

I’m tired of self-help advice

Last month my boss told me to read the überfamous “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” He said it would help improve my people and negotiation skills.

I could barely read the book till the end. It’s full of half-true statements which look good on paper but are blind to life’s realities.

The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want

No, this is simply not true.

What I want for any task you’d like me to do is $10,000,000 (or more). The following is true (and very different): the only way you can get me to do anything is by giving me the minimum I’m willing to accept for the task.

One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses

On the scale of horseshit, this is too high.

If there’s ONE thing most birds are trying to do, it is to impress other birds — especially during mating season. Every dance, nest building demonstration, and birdsong are performed to impress other birds and convince them to mate.

Impressive horses, the ones at the top of the herd’s hierarchy, drink and eat first. The ones at the bottom don’t eat if there’s not enough food. Do Carnegie really think these not-trying-to-impress-other horses are happy to be hungry?!

Ask questions instead of giving orders

Sure, it works in lots of cases. However, it forgets to mention the other side of this self-help coin. Sometimes the question has to be: Would you prefer to do it or be fired?

The average person is more interested in her own name than in all the other names on earth put together

How many babies got the name Cristiano or Kylie because they have more than 700 million followers combined on Instagram?

How many people are looking at names of influencers’ babies for inspiration?

The average person is more interested in the name of their favorite famous person than in their own name. That’s why we have social media and TV shows like Dancing with the Stars.

Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude

Happiness is highly correlated with external conditions; they’re usually called MONEY.

You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb a little himself

Sounds like Dale never had kids.

If kids could, they would spend the whole day eating sweets and playing with friends. Nothing more. Zero kids would like to go to school instead. And about the same number would enjoy doing the dishes, cleaning their room, or helping with any household chores.

Yes, you can make all these fun enough for kids to be willing to help or study. But let’s be honest, making cleaning a room fun by singing a silly song is the same thing as giving a push.

To be interesting, be interested

Sure, you can spend your whole time listening to other people’s stories, or you can start experiencing life and creating your own stories.

With whom would you rather spend your time? Someone who’s listening to all you have to say, or someone organizing parties, bike trips, and other exciting events?

“To be interesting, do interesting stuff” would be much more accurate.

Kim Kardashian has 292 million followers on Instagram. She’s interesting to a lot of people. Is she interested in any of her followers? Please.

You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself

Yes. Let me manifest my carpentry skills and visualize the quantum mechanics inside my brain.

It totally works! I used the technique yesterday: I was bored after dinner and decided to learn English before going to bed. So, I called my Grandma, who learned it in Canada in the 50s, and she helped me find it within myself.

Thanks to Dale and my Grandma, I was able to write this article today.

Final advice

Carnegie published his book eighty-six years ago, but it seems we didn’t learn anything in the meantime.

Self-help gurus are still churning ridiculous statements that don’t’ stand up to scrutiny.

See this article by Edward John for more ridiculousness.

8 Ridiculous Things Said by Eckhart Tolle Which Don’t Stand Up to Scrutiny

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