8 Reasons Why You Are Not Able to Make Necessary Changes in Life
What stopped me from making changes is probably stopping you too!
Change is essential for survival. All life forms must adapt to their fluctuating circumstances. All form of life result from the process of variation, mutation, competition, and inheritance. The universe is in a constant state of chaos. We each have chaos implanted into our bones. Nature wires all of us for change. – Kilroy J. Oldster
Most of us fear change and try to resist it. But we forget the fact that unlike most things in life, change is inevitable. We have to deal with it, whether we like it or not!
Accepting the inevitable life changes will help you live life to the fullest. But changing something in life isn’t easy. It has its own set of discomforts.
Here are 8 reasons why you aren’t able to make changes in your life and how you can deal with them:
You Expect Change to be Easy
I haven’t been to my college for more than a year now. With nowhere to go and nothing special to accomplish during the day, it was difficult for me to manage my schedule.
I have made a morning schedule for myself. I started waking up at 8 o’clock. Psst, it wasn’t easy at all! Every day, the thought of having no goals, or tasks lined up for the day spiked the desire to wake up late. And it was really hard for me to resist that desire and get out of bed on time.
We all expect bringing a change in our lifestyle is a piece of cake, but it isn’t. We simply can’t wake up one day and bring change in ourselves. We can’t expect change to be easy or instantaneous. It will take time.
How Can You Deal With It?
Changing a habit or a lifestyle ritual that you have had for the longest time would be difficult. Stop thinking that you’ll wake up one morning, and boom, you’ll witness change. You need to get over that mindset.
There’s no need to be rough with yourself. You need to adapt to the change slowly. You’ll be successful in bringing a change once your body stops resisting it. And it is a gradual process.
If you sleep for long hours, say 9 or maybe 10. But you want to restrict yourself to 7–8 hours of sleep, then you need to cut down on your sleep slowly. Half an hour every week, until you meet your goal is good. If you suddenly try to change your sleep cycle, your body will try to restrict it. You’ll feel drowsy during the day.
You Are Trying to Avoid Discomforts
A moment back, I was telling you about my habit of waking up early. But I had that feeling that was resisting this change. It was all because my body had become comfortable with waking up late. My body was resisting the discomfort associated with waking up early.
We all are addicted to comfort, even if you don’t agree. We love to be comfortable with whatever thing we do in life. And we find it difficult whenever we have to step out of our comfort zone, even if we know it would make our life better.
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. – Arnold Bennett
How Can You Deal With It?
You need to embrace the discomforts. As it is rightly said, “Sometimes it’s not about the destination, but about the journey itself.” You’ll need motivation at every small step that you’ll take. And the after-effects of the change will bring you enough motivation to get going.
You can never accomplish anything if you stick to things or habits you are comfortable with.
You might not feel it at the moment, but the more uncomfortable you feel, the better the outcome would turn out to be.
You Fear What Change Might Bring
A while back, I looked at writing as a very uncertain career. I thought of it, the same way I thought of betting. I felt it was all about luck until I started reading stuff and publishing online.
But once I started writing and started digging deeper into the field, I came to know it isn’t just about luck but a lot depends on how well you write, how well you market your content, and how good you are with SEO.
I would’ve had the same beliefs, had I not tried it myself or talked to someone who writes. I’m glad I did.
Uncertainty brings some sense of fear. We fear when we enter a dark area. We don’t know what is in there. We think we might just run into something that could hurt us.
There’s nothing wrong with being precautious. But being precautious and getting frightened are two very different things, which you shouldn’t mix. Your fear should not deter you from trying.
How Can You Deal With It?
This fear of the unknown turns out to be ugly if your decision impacts your life significantly – moving out of a relationship, making a career switch, to name a few.
They are hard decisions because you not only fear that you might fail but you are also skeptical about success. You don’t know what the aftermath might be.
In such cases, you should take the help of people who have been in your shoes at some point in their lives. This person is the best shot you have at having a look at the aftermath.
You Try to Change Too Many Things at a Time
I learned this lesson, the hard way! A while back I wasn’t too happy with the way I was whiling away my time. I thought of getting my shit together. I tried changing all the things that concerned me, only to fail miserably.
Later, I tried to bring in changes slowly, one after the other. I was able to do so.
Adjusting to too many new things at a time is an uphill task. All thanks to the comforts our old habits have provided us and the discomforts new habits bring along with them.
Changes can be mentally exhausting. And trying to change a lot of things at a time makes it even more stressful.
How Can You Deal With It?
You need to evaluate the intensity of discomforts the changes might bring, and how much your body is ready to bear at a time. The ability to bring changes and the ability to deal with different discomforts varies from individuals to individuals. And nobody knows you better than yourself.
You can try and make more than one change but it should be your decision. You should try to make more than one change only if you know you can and believe you would be able to get back at it even if you fail once or twice.
Even if you want to make a lot of changes, the best way is to take it one by one. You need not try and introduce another change until your body has started adjusting to the previous one.
You Seek Approval/Validation From Others
One of my friends is into wildlife photography. He is really good at what he does. After completing his under graduation in Computer Science Engineering, he wants to pursue wildlife photography. He wants to pursue a course in the United Kingdom. He has his intentions clear.
Had he listened to what others would have said once they heard of his decision, would he have been able to decide for himself? Few of them would’ve even gone to the extent of discouraging him. He went ahead and took help from the ones into this field and his parents. He didn’t ask for approval from anyone except his parents. And that’s great!
You are the one who wants the best for yourself. You know what you want from your life, what you want to achieve, and how you want to live it.
Then, why do you seek validation from others? Why do you want your decision to be based on others' approval?
How Can You Deal With It?
You need not seek validation from others except your family. Your family is among those few people who want the best for you. They have the experience that can help you. You ought to let them help you with your decisions.
But you need not seek advice from those who don’t play an important role in your life. The world out there will only try to pull you down.
Also, the more you seek advice from others, the more you’ll feel confused and stuck. It’s better to decide for yourself.
The People You Surround Yourself With is Holding You Back
Surround yourself with a bunch of like-minded people, and you’ll soak up their habits like a starved sponge. Fat people with fat friends care less about their weight. – Vir Das, Indian Actor and Comedian
I can proudly say I have been fortunate in this area. My boys are really great. They are always there for me. Not only this trait, but their focus and determination towards their own goals makes them great.
Good company is hard to find and difficult to keep. Glad I’ve found it! People around you with similar habits will help you in achieving your goals. And there’s no better gift than friends who motivate you towards achieving your goals.
You’ll be known by the company you keep!
How Can You Deal With It?
You need to surround yourself with like-minded people. If fitness is the area where you want to work and change your eating habits how can you surround yourself with people who love hanging out and people with unhealthy eating habits?
No matter how firm you are with your decision of changing your eating habits, your friends would make it difficult for you to stay firm with the change you are trying to bring.
Whereas if your friends are fitness enthusiasts and have healthy eating habits, your urge to change would strengthen. You tend to become the sort of person you surround yourself with.
You Are Not Able to Sustain Motivation
Every year, I make new year resolutions hoping that this year might be the year where I live up to these resolutions. But I haven’t been able to cross it past January. It’s not that new year's resolutions are shit! Instead, not being able to sustain motivation is the reason behind my failure.
An unsuccessful attempt at something is enough for me to lose motivation. I lose motivation way too soon. I admit I want results real quick!
I know it’s not just me. It is a common practice for us to give up on things that we find difficult. We are easily demotivated by resisting forces.
How Can You Deal With It?
All you need to stay on track to making a change is constant motivation. You need to avoid habits that can kill your motivation.
Just remember, why you started and it will surely help you stay on track. Whenever you feel like your motivation’s falling apart, it’s time for you to perform some quick analysis.
You should try and find out the reason why you feel demotivated. Try not to proceed further until you work things out.
Criticism From Your Inner Self Holds You Back
Ever since I was five, my father has emphasized the fact that I am underconfident. According to him, I lack the confidence to take bold decisions. And sadly, I just can’t disagree. He stresses the fact that the day I remove this self-doubt, I will be able to achieve anything I want, if not everything.
Criticism from your inner self can shatter the confidence, the courage you have had when you thought of making a change. Never let that underconfident inner self decide whether you can because if you want, you can do it!
Self-doubt is the biggest motivation killer. You won’t be able to change a bit if your inner self keeps telling you that you can’t.
How Can You Deal With It?
Positive intent is all you need to make sure you are on course to make that change in yourself.
Whenever negative thoughts try to pull you down. Take some time, sit down and relax. It is time to convince yourself that you can achieve what you want. Analyze why you think you won’t be able to achieve that change. Once you work towards resolving that issue, things would be much clearer.
Final Thoughts
Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong. – Mandy Hale
You need to stay put! Even if it is hard! Staying the same way, not trying to change, giving up too early would do so much damage that you can’t even think of.
These are probably not the only reasons behind not being able to make changes, there might be many more. But one thing that won’t change is the fact that you shouldn’t give up. Giving up on trying to change is synonymous with giving up on yourself. And you don’t want that. You need to fight whatever is stopping you with all your might.
