8 Realities about Motherhood
A 4 years raw perspective about motherhood. What isn’t often loudly said, is bellow written.
Motherhood is a blessing that isn’t offered to all. People do really struggle to get the joy and unique experience of being a mother. I am well aware of that. But the bellow post doesn’t intend to advertise or idealise motherhood. It intends to share a real, on-field perspective of that role, and the eventual challenges that some mothers encounter.
I love challenges, I often even create them expressly when things get too slow paced. I have the inner need to be often challenged, otherwise I get quickly bored. Constant stimulation holds me going.
I had already my (minimalist) views about motherhood before being a mother myself. I was aware that it would be a challenge in the course of my life.. What I didn’t know for sure is that it would be without a doubt one of the biggest (until now).
For almost 4 years my husband and I have had the blessing to be young parents to a dynamic and healthy baby boy. We are grateful and realize each day what a gift he is in our life journey. A tiny being that we get amazed to see grow almost everyday. It is an adventure.
But enough with the cheesy part. Here bellow 8 realities I came to realise and experience as a mother so far.
1. Motherhood isn’t automatic
You don’t become a mother from the day you give birth. No. I would instead say that giving birth is only the first tiny step towards the discovery of what it really means to be a mother. If you love reading (or even if you don’t), you may read few great books out there full of very insightful information except that between what you read and the reality, there is often a whole world. Now I understand a bit better the “why” it is so: each child is unique, each mother is unique and what may work for x does not necessary work for y. You have to work your own way and get to know your child slowly but surely, often it’s a dual process: getting to know yourself better simultaneously as getting to discover your little one.
2. Motherhood/parenthood helps to rearrange one’s life priorities
Being a mother sets the tone. Priorities change right away and the good news is that you don’t feel that FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). At least from my experience. The priorities get clearer and clearer. This helps eliminating the unnecessary activities or people that drain one’s energy. Because energy is a rare resource, the little you get, you want to spend it wisely. I didn’t get this one until now that my son is almost 4 years old, before that I was unaware of how the fact of being all over the place, giving my time and energy freely was doing me more harm than good.
3. Being a mother requires to have a certain level of selflessness
Let’s say that you’re thirsty and your child happens to be by your side. You will pour a glass of water and the first reflexe you get is to ask your child if they want some water before you take a sip yourself. Same for food: you serve them before you get some for yourself. Sometimes you may even make sure they eat finish before you can get some time to eat once they are asleep or else — this is only when they are still babies/toddlers, otherwise you can eat all together at the same time.
Another common example of selflessness: you have had your working day, after that you go pick up your child from the day care, once home, you make food, do the bathing and cleaning. After that or before that you have the dinner. Sometimes your child after all this (or before) has the need to do some puzzle or lego: you are exhausted and KO, BUT you will still manage to make it happen.
If often feels like 24h in a day aren’t enough for parents of young children. It is a bit challenging to keep up one’s sanity I have to admit.
4. It can get messy
Do you like order and clean spaces? Well forget about that, unless you have maids or you’re a stay at home dad/mum. The house gets dirtier wider and quicker. When inexperienced, you try your best to keep it “okay” to look at but afterwards, you just let it be. You treat things by priority and let the mess be there unless you are receiving guests. Then you may do some extra effort. Sometimes, guests or no, the house can happen to be in a negligé state: and those who actually mind can take the vacuum and clean the dirt if it really bothers them.
5. Motherhood is sleepless (the first months)
I clearly remember that when I was younger in my teenage years, I used to be the type of person who would put an alarm during the weekends just to be sure I get things done. With a look back I am like “WHY”? Especially now that I have a child. So if you are reading me now and you are a teenager, young adult who one day desires to have children, please don’t put an alarm clock during the weekends, unless you have some strict obligations to do so.
The first months are no joke: you sleep in average 3/4 hours by night and not continually. Babies wake up in average every 1/2 hours since they have a small stomach and need to be feeded. They also wake up because they have pooped or pied and it burns; so they wake up and need to have their diaper changed (ladies, future mothers, this one can be easily delegated to hubby or other partner — so that you get to sleep few minutes extra).
The most organised and chilled mummies manage to sleep during the day (that’s when the baby can easily sleep from 2 to 3 hours continually) — unfortunately that wasn’t my case. I don’t manage to sleep during day time, unless I have been partying until morning (far away great memories).
So during the first months you are literally like a zombie. But thanks Mother Earth, the universe/God, they all got our back: some hormones produced post partum (like oxytocin — the love hormone), keep mothers in a level of sanity. If you have the chance and make the choice to breastfeed, that hormone is even intensified. That being said, all women don’t get equal ratio of the “good” ones. Some may get in majority other hormones that create some imbalance like estrogen dominance, relaxin, prolatin and with these come extra unexpected challenges from mood swings to postpartum depression.
6. Parenting takes a lot of emotional space
Imagine that you are already a whole human being by yourself: you have your emotional states and you try your best to manage them. Now imagine that you are responsible for you + a whole new little being that has his/her emotional states you have to figure out and handle. This takes extra emotional space.
7. It’s confusing
One day you think you understand your children and the next day they are a total mystery. You think you finally implemented that new routine that seems to be working and the next day that same routine does not work anymore. It requires some level of creativity and PATIENCE.
8. It strongly impacts the dynamic and romance of the couple
If couples fight from time to time, well young parents fight even more, and even more to that when you find yourself in a multicultural union/parenthood. Both of you have your own way you were raised up (you naturally apply what you are familiar with) and when faced with some mismatching it can easily «explode».
You basically have a new roommate that you both are responsible for. For that new roomie you both need to implement some daily routines and often it can create extra areas of disagreements that may end up in conflict (doesn’t have to end up this way, some young parents manage to solve most issues by dialogue). The tension created then can have some impacts on the couple atmosphere.
Additionally, the focus being switched from each other to the new little human being, you get less time together and it is critical to manage to find a functioning routine that includes some “couple-us-time” in order to keep the balance on that front.
That being said, I believe in the fact that we are all unique in our individuality yet the same in our humanity. We each have our unique way of going through life’s phases and challenges, this due to from how we were raised, to the environment we grew up in, the values etc. So keep this as informational and not as universal facts. Nothing is written in stone.
For all inquiries, reach out to me via email [email protected]
Until next time, take good care, breathe (from the belly) and drink your water
Sources: Personal experience + https://flo.health
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