Rey’s Power, Snoke’s Origin, Poe’s Romance, and more: Force Awakens Questions Answered.

While a lot of us thought Force Awakens was a great movie and a huge improvement over the prequels, I think we all have to admit that there are some things that could use a bit of explaining.

I’m here to help.

No you’re not! You’re just going to go on about your silly theories again.

You again? I haven’t heard from you since … umm …

Since I made your article about Thor’s penis better?

That’s not what it was about…technically. And I didn’t need your help! I was doing fine.

Uh-huh. Right.

Besides, you’re stuck with me now, and I’m imaginary. Says a lot about you doesn’t it?

Shut up.

…

Lose your train of thought already?

What? Oh! Star Wars. Right.

Don’t forget a spoiler warning!

Seriously? You think people need that? In this day and age?

Fine. I’ll do it. Spoilers!

You may continue now.

*sigh*…okay. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Spoiling!

Let’s start with Rey…since she’s in the title and such. One thing that raised an eyebrow with even the most diehard fans is how quickly she gained her Force powers once she figured out she had them. No years of training for this girl, she’s practically a Force savant…but how did that happen?

To figure out Rey’s origins, you have to go back to a movie most of us would rather forget.

Darth Plagueis was vastly superior to Palpatine in the ways of the Force, and could even manipulate the Midichlorians themselves, and presumably did so to create Anakin. Palpatine said he killed him in his sleep, but what if Plagueis wasn’t so easily destroyed?

What if he was merely horribly wounded and while his body his scarred his mind is still just as powerful as it was and the Force is just as strong in him?

They’re not going to introduce a guy that those two dorks talked about. We HATE them.

They already have.

What?

Here’s one of many images of Plagueis out there. Scar him up and have him die once and of all the people in Force Awakens, who does he most resemble?

Holy shit! Snoke! You’re saying he’s Snoke?

Nah not really

Plagueis is obviously just another projection from the the strange interconnected AI/Consciousness that is made up of the neural network between midichlorians and dark matter

Plus, there it also very music that’s played during his appearance.

Except right now he looks a bit like Plagueis because that was his most powerful host in recent memory.

Vader, Palpatine, Snoke, Plagueis, they’re all just what happens when a parasite can form a neural net and they have a particularly vurnerable host

Before we lose track of the forest for the trees, however…there’s another player in the game we need to remember to appreciate what’s going on here. I know we all hated the Midichlorians, but it’s important to realize that they are the real threat and the reason why their galaxy has already been destroyed a long time ago and far, far away.

Great. The Force Bugs. The guys that ruined the Force for me. Thanks for keeping me from forgetting about them.

Hey, I dug the whole ‘mystical force’ bit too, but there’s a deeper reality behind those guys. They’re a plague, and the Jedi and Sith are their carriers.

Okay, that’s just wrong.

Wrong? Or right? They don’t make the movies worse…they make them BETTER.

Anyway, I went into this in detail in Secrets of Star Wars and the End of Everything. You might need to reference it during this, but I’ll hit on the high points as they come up.

So anyway. Snoke needs a new body, and it needs to be able to contain all his power, which, in Jedi/Sith parlance, means lots of ‘Force bugs’.

What happens if Luke gets somebody pregnant and Plagueis gets ahold of her? Or maybe it’s Obi-Wan’s daughter that gets pregnant… that part doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is that he does something a bit like what he did when he created Anakin, but instead makes the little Jedi-fetus more susceptible to Midichlorian infections?

Somebody super-powerful who can kick anybody’s…oh. Rey. You get Rey. I’m assuming he couldn’t make her a boy?

Maybe he wants to try a shot as a girl, who knows? It’s not like it’s the first time anybody’s had that particular idea, is it?

Hey now! Just because I…wait a sec, I’m you. Ha! You want to be a girl!

I was talking about the extremely common trope. Shut up. Again.

So anyway…now that that’s done with, any more questions?

Yeah! Who’s BB-8, where’d he come from?

Have you noticed that the sphere is quite a bit larger than a person’s head?

Yes.

And that Jar-Jar was missing since the end of Episode III?

No. Just…no.

Yes. I won’t re-explain it, that’s back in the ‘End of Everything’ article. But that’s Jar-Jar, continuing his mission to exterminate the Jedi by getting them to fight one another.

You’re weird.

I’m right, or at least better than right. Next question?

What happened to Kylo Ren? Why’d he turn all evil.

Well, Han wasn’t exactly the best parent. Every time Ben/Kylo would say ‘I love you, Daddy!’ he’d say ‘I know’

And from there it just went downhill.

But why did he kill Han?

He didn’t.

Snoke was already trying to get him to and had essentially planted that seed as a way to gain cred. The Sith (at least Plagueis-forward)are huge on daddy-killing. Either way, Snoke told Kylo and Kylo told Han during their most recent confrontation.

What Han had pushed back in his typical roguish fashion ‘Okay, fine. I’m old. Kill me and use that to infiltrate the Sith and destroyed them once and for all?’ and Kylo backed down.

But in the mean time Han had a lot of time to think and his life really is on the downswing. He’s been around for one ‘I saved the world and saw it slowly fall apart again’ cycles.

The moment Han stepped on that bridge he had chosen how things would go down himself. He was done feeling like he’d let anyone down by being ‘just a smuggler’ and everyone but he and Kylo would think that he killed Han.

Only he and Kylo would know he hadn’t.

Han basically forced Kylo into deep cover. That’s what was too hard for Kylo. That’s what he needed help to do, and that’s what Han did for his son.

Whoa.

One last question!

Finn and Poe… bros for life?

And the first LGBT couple in the Star Wars movies. You didn’t catch their high school moment?

That was just a nudge!

Just setting the stage…but think about it. What is the meaning behind Poe giving Finn his jacket?

You’re not saying that’s like the high school thing, are you?

You have to admit that Finn imprinted pretty quickly on Poe.

If Poe and Finn aren’t racing up the Slash Fic story list they will be soon.

Yeah, not taking that bet. The internet is weird.

Says the voice in my head.

Shut up.

Want to watch the intro again?

Okay!

Hey…that looks familiar somehow…

…

I hate you.