In Defense of the M-Word

Bemoaning grammatical I-sores

When I was in sixth grade, my teacher, the fearsome Miss Fleming, had us play a weekly game.

We would put our heads down on the desktop, over crossed arms, eyes closed — no peeking!

Miss Fleming would secretly select a designated “tapper,” who would mill about, home in on his chosen target, tap the child’s shoulder, then scurry back to his seat.

We would sit up, and watch whilst the tapped child queried one pupil after another, until she discovered who had tapped her.

The question-and-answer proceeded according to Miss Fleming’s strict script: “Was it you, Don?” Don: “No, it was not I.” “Was it you, Sue?” Sue: “No, it was not I.” “Was it you, Joe?” Joe: “Yes, it was I.”

Such were the days when grammatical — versus political — correctness reigned.

Today, the expression “It’s me” has become idiomatic to the point that to say “It is I” comes across as pretentious.

Alas, for the late Miss Fleming and her pedantic ilk, when it comes to usage, the common majority rules; [the] hoi polloi trumps the hoity-toity.

Alas, for the rest of us, there has been an ironic backlash to this trend.

In retribution for our being allowed to utter the ungrammatical “It’s me,” the humble M-word has been unjustly proscribed for usage elsewhere, even in places it rightfully belongs.

The mighty “I” has usurped it, case notwithstanding, objectively as well as subjectively.

Seems like everybody does it. (Except me.)

Accustomed to having been corrected — “He and I are going” vs “Me and him are going” — many wrongly extrapolate case rules from the subjective to the objective.

The unfortunate result is such barbarisms as “Give it to he and I” in place of “Give it to him and me.”

I wince whenever I hear it. I can tolerate the unpretentiously incorrect construction: “Me and him are going,” but I cannot abide the unwittingly “over-corrected” construction: “Come with he and I.”

I fear that I am consigned to solitary confinement in Cringe City’s Over-Correctional Institute, here in the lonely heart of “No-Me’s” Land.

I’d held out some hope for a pardon last year: the President had seemed quite amenable when we spoke. Alas, he closed our call with these filing instructions: “Send copies of your request to the Attorney General and l.”