Self-Awareness for Self-Empowerment

7 Ways You Underestimate Yourself In Your 20s

But when you learn better, you do better…

“Little Miss Full of Ideas got her bubble burst today!” My immediate supervisor laughed and walked out the door, “Welcome to the real world, pampers,” She said as she closed the breakroom door.

I stood there, unable to respond. My other coworkers turned their heads, looked down, and pretended they didn’t hear the insults hurled at me.

While she was my immediate supervisor, my boss, at the time, was the head of an Enterprise Community covering six Parishes in Louisiana. I took the job in community development because I was “paying my dues as a writer,” making close to no money, snatching up jobs from a Writer’s Market Guide.

Community development wasn’t my passion, nor was it a career choice, but it was (as everyone told me) my opportunity to give back to my community.

It was a somber job, but it was a job. My boss would ask for proposals and ideas for youth programs, and I’d offer up complete proposals with documentation of need, addressing barriers, proven scientific models, and budgets. The proposals were all a part of a program I called G.Y.M. (Getting Youth Motivated).

He’d always tell me, “great job,” and I’d see my proposal on his desk under a pile of whatever.

In a meeting one day, I cheerfully asked about all the proposals I’d given him and if they would be implemented.

“Oh, yeah, I looked through them,” he said. “A little over-ambitious, I would say. Your youthful idealism is quite apparent. When I first graduated from law school, I had that too. But you grow up. You learn to pick your battles and wait your turn,” he said.

Idealistic. He called me an Idealist, I thought. Wait, my turn? What does that mean?

At that moment, my shoulders fell, and so did my confidence. I felt like a silly kid who didn’t know what she was doing.

After two years of “proposing” and nothing ever actualizing, I resigned. When I left, I moved to New Orleans, Louisiana.

Your Big Ideas are Greater Than You Know

I’d been living in the city for three years, and I received a call from an old friend and co-worker.

We talked for a while about people who left and were fired and the frequent tax audits. Then she asked, “Oh, you know those programs you put together about teen pregnancy prevention, substance abuse, and mentoring?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“He’s doing it now. What did you call it?”

“Gym,” I said. G-Y-M, getting youth motivated.

“Well, he calls it “YO! It stands for Youth Opportunities. I was like, whoa, that’s my girl’s program. He didn’t mention you at all and took credit for the whole thing.”

To Be Young and Idealistic

Yes, I was young and idealistic. Now, I look back and think, what’s wrong with idealism? It beats pessimism. I spent most of my twenties and early thirties underestimating myself, being “realistic,” and let go of my idealism.

When you think back, did you underestimate yourself? Are you twentysomething now and find you’re feeling lost and unsure?

Perhaps you may have developed thoughts and beliefs from life experiences that cause you to see yourself as less capable, not as smart, and not as talented.

For my twentysomethings, it gets better if you choose the path of self-growth and personal development. And for the rest of us…what were we thinking?

Well, here are 7 ways you may have underestimated yourself in your 20s:

1 You thought your youthful idealism was naive and unrealistic. Our youthful idealism is the stuff dreams are made of. At some point in our 20s, many of us started to believe our imagination was kid’s play. But the imagination of our youth was not kids’ play. It is the root of all creativity and innovation, the heart of what makes us human.

2 You underestimated your ability to make a difference. Your motivation to make a difference in the world came from a good place. Not only do people in your community benefit from your dedication, but companies do too.

You may have thought that the ability to make a difference in the world was unrealistic or naïve. However, you’ve since learned that by making small contributions to something you’re passionate about, you can have a big impact down the line.

3 You didn’t think you had what it takes to be successful. As you evolve on the path of self-growth and personal development, you discover you’ve always had what it takes to succeed and actualize your dreams. You also discover something Australians call “Tall Poppy Syndrome.”

Tall Poppy Syndrome is a tendency for some to criticize those who stand out. The point of cutting down a tall poppy — in the original Australian context — is to keep the flowers’ height uniform. Over time the Aussie slang has come to mean ‘cutting down’ high achievers who stand out in a field of mediocre performers.

“Tall Poppy Syndrome (TPS) is a term commonly used in Australia, referring to the expectation that poppies should grow together,” said Dr. Rumeet Billan, who explored the topic extensively in a study with Thomson Reuters and Women of Influence. “If one grows too tall, it is cut down to size.”

In your 20s, you may run across people who wield the need to “put you in your place” or cut you down to prevent you from becoming too “cocky” or “over-ambitious.” When it happens, you may feel silly or naive.

You’ve since learned that you didn’t need anyone to put you in your place. You may have needed some guidance and mentorship, but you’ve always had the ingredients for success and well-being you needed support and direction to put it all together.

4 You didn’t think you could be fulfilled until you were older. You thought fulfillment was something that would happen once you were older. Until then, perhaps you believed you had to bear, grit, hustle, and grind.

You’ve since learned that it’s possible to find fulfillment in your everyday life if you’re open to it.

Meg Selig, author of Silver Sparks: Thoughts on Growing Older, Wiser, and Happier, drives home the importance of finding fulfillment at any age in her article 4 Mindsets for Fulfillment as You Age:

“Knowing your identity and purpose, valuing your key relationships, and staying strong with self-care are important at any age.” — Meg Selig

You don’t have to wait to retire before you reach a state of fulfillment in your life.

5 You didn’t think you were smart enough to pursue your passions. In your twenties, you may settle for positions, jobs, and internships that have nothing to do with your passion in life. You do it because it seems altruistic or a way to pay your dues. You don’t owe the world anything. You can do what you love and love what you do.

“You don’t have to go through point B to get from A to C anymore.” — Daniel DiPazza, Serial Entrepreneur and Best-selling author of RICH20SOMETHING

“Paying your dues” will happen organically. When you focus on what you love and manifest your dreams, “paying your dues” comes as instructions, life lessons, mentorship, and guidance. Life will present opportunities for you to learn what you need to learn. You only have to be willing to do the work. There is no reason to force it.

Yes, technology has helped things along much faster, but “paying your dues” and “waiting your turn” was always subjective.

6 You compared your talents, skills, and abilities to others. You may have spent most of your 20s comparing yourself to others. Especially people who are older and more experienced. Even though you were very talented, it seemed everyone else had their stuff together.

Now you understand your 20s is a time to allow your talent to expand and grow.

You may not have realized it then, but you have always been gifted, talented, and skilled. Despite your inexperience, in your 20s, you were more capable than you imagined, and your experience and knowledge continued to grow daily.

7 You underestimated the power of your mind and spirit. We have so much untapped potential now and in our twenties. We have a vast mind and a great spirit. It is this inner strength that allows us to accomplish all of the things we want in life.

Our spirit is ageless and timeless; it will guide us throughout our lives. You can accomplish all of the things you want if you grow to believe in yourself. We tout “believe in yourself” as if it is a 1, 2, 3 process.

We grow to believe in ourselves as our self-confidence builds through self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a particular situation. Psychologist Albert Bandura described these beliefs as determinants of how people think, behave, and feel.

As we experience personal growth and spiritual development, we practice the Art of Being and Becoming. In the words of Maya Angelou:

“When you know better, you do better.”

The Woman Realized Speaks to the Woman Becoming

Today, these are the words I would tell my twenty-something self:

“In hindsight, I can see your youthful idealism was a sign of my potential greatness. I appreciate your dedication. I appreciate your willingness to dream even when there were no signs of possibility.

I can tell you from experience you will grow in your confidence. You don’t need to worry about that. And as your confidence grows, you will celebrate your odd, quirky, and overenthusiastic tendencies.

Soon you will understand no one can fill your space. It is uniquely carved out just for you. You only have to claim it. Style it. Do you.”

Fam, I’m curious. Did you underestimate yourself in your 20s? If so, how? How did you maintain your confidence, self-awareness, and focus?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.