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Abstract

em find out that you’re talking about the same things that they’ve read in thousands of other articles.</p><p id="7b31">Give cliched advice that other people regularly give out so they’ll feel numb and drowsy. Instruct people on how to enjoy the journey, live in the moment, take it one day at a time, be happy from the inside out, meditate daily, drink water, say affirmations…blah blah blah.</p><h2 id="239b">3. Don’t talk about any personal stories, experience or context</h2><p id="c1eb">Why give context when you can simply dish out boring advice? You don’t have to tell people how you know this or how you acquired this knowledge. No need to cite studies or research. No need to look at personal experiences or your own life. <b><i>You don’t have to have tried anything or achieved anything to dispense solid self-help advice.</i></b></p><p id="f6de">You just have to know it in your heart and soul. You read it in the Power of Now and the Oprah magazine. The last 8 podcasts you listened to said the same thing. Abraham Hicks said the same thing. The Bhagavad Gita said the same thing. You just compile all their information and write the same information to bore people to death.</p><p id="6474" type="7">Make them nod their head saying, “I know this…I know this…I know this…” until they find themselves in a deep slumber.</p><h2 id="0924">4. Write about morning routines or meditation</h2><p id="cb5a">It’s rather ironic that talking about morning routines can put people to sleep. There’s not just one way to write a morning routine article. You can write about other people’s morning routines or yours. You can suggest what to do or not do in the morning. Make sure you give people 7–12 tasks in the morning that no person could possibly do unless they were unemployed or had no life. Give them so many tasks to do that it will be afternoon time by the time they complete the morning routine.</p><p id="8153">Be sure to tell them that what happens in the early morning hours of the day will shape their life. Be sure to tell them why waking up at 4 am is good for their soul. Talk about the benefits of meditation in the morning until they doze off from reading your article. While you’re at it, tell them to get enough sleep and drink water. If you’re ambitious, bring up nighttime routines.</p><h2 id="a555">5. Say nothing new, interesting or novel</h2><p id="85f7">Why share a new perspective when people aren’t paying you big money for it? Why change their minds, help them or entertain them? Why present a perspective that might anger them or make them think about something differently? Why say something that hasn’t been said when people never tire of hearing the same thing over and over and over again. People sleep better when they hear the count of sheep or numbers. Why? Repetition.</p><p id="1fe2"><b><i>Drone on and one on what everyone else says. Look for the most common types of articles on this platform and write the exact same thing with different words and a different headline. </i></b>Writing anything new or sharing a unique perspective will wake people up and catch their attention. You’re trying to make them fall asleep, remember? Oh, no edgy stuff, humorous points or your personal observations. That too will keep people awake.</p><h2 id="cc8e">6. Tell, tell, tell</h2><p id="ef1f">The best way t

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o bore people is to tell them your main points without showing them anything. Don’t provide stories, examples, or convey emotions. Tell people how to think, feel, and be. Tell people what happened. Tell people the story. Tell people what to do. Don’t try to show people the environment or a perspective by using descriptive language, specific examples or emotional words.</p><p id="c4ba">You don’t want to draw people into your story and have them more interested in the stories you’re telling them. You want to be a boring university professor who comes in 20 minutes late, puts up a PowerPoint, reads every slide on the lecture like a robot, and then falls asleep. You want to dish out information in the most boring way possible to get people to fall asleep quicker. Tell until they snore.</p><h2 id="1a7f">7. Write like you care what people will think about you</h2><p id="3ae5">Don’t offend anyone, don’t rock the boat, and stay far away from controversy. Always care what other people think about your writing and you. Be safe, be middle of the road, and as vanilla as possible. Keep your controversial opinions for your political rallies and Thanksgiving dinner conversations. Keep your unique insights for your family and close friends only. Keep your life secrets and embarrassing stories for your therapist.</p><p id="3bfa">When it comes to writing, hide who you are. Try to be loved or tolerated by all people instead of slammed and hated by some people. Whenever you have the choice between taking a risk and saying something bold or….saying something lame, cliched and that won’t offend anyone, go with the latter. Controversy or authenticity might entertain, engage, or cause critical thought. You want to stick with the dull, repetitive, and boring.</p><p id="f316">Writing a boring article can help your readers learn information and affirm the knowledge that they have been hearing their entire lives. It also has the secondary benefit of putting people into a deep snooze. You’ll be helping them get enough sleep so they will feel more rested for their day ahead which will allow them to do all the other self-help advice that you’ve dished out.</p><p id="f2eb">With more sleep, they can do that exercise regime you recommended and that diet you prescribed in other boring articles. With more sleep, they can feel well rested so they can kick off the new day with your 10 point morning routine. A well-slept reader will be more alert, more awake, and more mentally available for the tasks in front of them.</p><p id="c1ad" type="7">If you’re not sure if you should wake people up or put them to sleep, go with your gut feeling unless your gut feeling is to wake people up. Become the sleep-whisperer to help people who can’t fall asleep easily, who suffer from insomnia or other sleep disorders.</p><p id="7609">Writing can be a sword that can wake people up. It can also be like a warm comforter that can give people a good night’s rest. If you prefer to be a writer who wants to aid readers in getting sleep, keep doing the same old same old. Follow this post to a tee. If you want to wake people up, inspire or move them, do just the opposite.</p><p id="b11e"><b><i>What kind of writer do you aspire to be? One that helps induce sleep or helps people stay up late into the night reading?</i></b></p></article></body>

7 Ways to Make Your Readers Sleep Like a Baby When Reading Your Posts

How to write more potently than sleeping pills

Huh…who…what? I rubbed my eyes open at 3 am to look around in the dark.

I frantically searched for my phone that I had been reading on before I fell asleep. There was sweat on my neck when I saw only 3% of battery life left. I had thought that I hadn’t locked the doors or turned off the lights but no…

The article I was reading was still open and I still hadn’t finished it. The writer, one of the top writers on Medium, was able to put me into a deep slumber. Previously, I used to have trouble sleeping but nowadays I just open up a post here to get a powerful dose of a sleeping potion: boring articles.

The post that had put me to sleep today was about the 7-morning routines to have the best day of your life.

I was still only on point 3, where the author was telling me to eat a hearty breakfast. I had 4 more routines to get through. If I read a couple more points of this listicle, I knew I would knock out cold and get deep sleep for the rest of the night. Would I be able to finish this article before the battery ran out and I fell asleep?

As a writer, how can you put your readers into a deep slumber, you’re wondering? I got your back. Not only will I dish out some tips below but I hope to help you fall asleep by reading this post!

7 Ways to Make Your Readers Fall Asleep Like a Baby

1.Give advice that you haven’t tried yourself

Tell people to do things that you haven’t achieved in your own life. Make it look easy and don’t tell people how hard it is to actually do it. The best part is you don’t have to have done it yourself. Just assume you know what the path is to become is to becoming happier, less judgmental, more compassionate, less egoistic. You could absolutely be the opposite of all those things but still dispense out advice to the mortals still reading.

One of my favorite practices is to imagine that I am an enlightened Buddha and I am talking to millions of my disciples. No, I don’t meditate and of course I’m not enlightened! Also, I don’t know a damn thing about the Buddha’s teachings or practice any kind of spiritual practice but if it sounds coherent, it can put people to sleep real quick. Keep dishing out advice that you have no experience with.

2. Give cliched self-help advice that has been given over and over.

Don’t go for original and think more than you have to. Remember, KISS. Keep it simple stupid. That means write about things that are simple and that have been done. Tell people the same crap over and over so it sinks in. Make the title semi not-boring to lure a reader into thinking they are going to find happiness and contentment in your post. After they did into it, let them find out that you’re talking about the same things that they’ve read in thousands of other articles.

Give cliched advice that other people regularly give out so they’ll feel numb and drowsy. Instruct people on how to enjoy the journey, live in the moment, take it one day at a time, be happy from the inside out, meditate daily, drink water, say affirmations…blah blah blah.

3. Don’t talk about any personal stories, experience or context

Why give context when you can simply dish out boring advice? You don’t have to tell people how you know this or how you acquired this knowledge. No need to cite studies or research. No need to look at personal experiences or your own life. You don’t have to have tried anything or achieved anything to dispense solid self-help advice.

You just have to know it in your heart and soul. You read it in the Power of Now and the Oprah magazine. The last 8 podcasts you listened to said the same thing. Abraham Hicks said the same thing. The Bhagavad Gita said the same thing. You just compile all their information and write the same information to bore people to death.

Make them nod their head saying, “I know this…I know this…I know this…” until they find themselves in a deep slumber.

4. Write about morning routines or meditation

It’s rather ironic that talking about morning routines can put people to sleep. There’s not just one way to write a morning routine article. You can write about other people’s morning routines or yours. You can suggest what to do or not do in the morning. Make sure you give people 7–12 tasks in the morning that no person could possibly do unless they were unemployed or had no life. Give them so many tasks to do that it will be afternoon time by the time they complete the morning routine.

Be sure to tell them that what happens in the early morning hours of the day will shape their life. Be sure to tell them why waking up at 4 am is good for their soul. Talk about the benefits of meditation in the morning until they doze off from reading your article. While you’re at it, tell them to get enough sleep and drink water. If you’re ambitious, bring up nighttime routines.

5. Say nothing new, interesting or novel

Why share a new perspective when people aren’t paying you big money for it? Why change their minds, help them or entertain them? Why present a perspective that might anger them or make them think about something differently? Why say something that hasn’t been said when people never tire of hearing the same thing over and over and over again. People sleep better when they hear the count of sheep or numbers. Why? Repetition.

Drone on and one on what everyone else says. Look for the most common types of articles on this platform and write the exact same thing with different words and a different headline. Writing anything new or sharing a unique perspective will wake people up and catch their attention. You’re trying to make them fall asleep, remember? Oh, no edgy stuff, humorous points or your personal observations. That too will keep people awake.

6. Tell, tell, tell

The best way to bore people is to tell them your main points without showing them anything. Don’t provide stories, examples, or convey emotions. Tell people how to think, feel, and be. Tell people what happened. Tell people the story. Tell people what to do. Don’t try to show people the environment or a perspective by using descriptive language, specific examples or emotional words.

You don’t want to draw people into your story and have them more interested in the stories you’re telling them. You want to be a boring university professor who comes in 20 minutes late, puts up a PowerPoint, reads every slide on the lecture like a robot, and then falls asleep. You want to dish out information in the most boring way possible to get people to fall asleep quicker. Tell until they snore.

7. Write like you care what people will think about you

Don’t offend anyone, don’t rock the boat, and stay far away from controversy. Always care what other people think about your writing and you. Be safe, be middle of the road, and as vanilla as possible. Keep your controversial opinions for your political rallies and Thanksgiving dinner conversations. Keep your unique insights for your family and close friends only. Keep your life secrets and embarrassing stories for your therapist.

When it comes to writing, hide who you are. Try to be loved or tolerated by all people instead of slammed and hated by some people. Whenever you have the choice between taking a risk and saying something bold or….saying something lame, cliched and that won’t offend anyone, go with the latter. Controversy or authenticity might entertain, engage, or cause critical thought. You want to stick with the dull, repetitive, and boring.

Writing a boring article can help your readers learn information and affirm the knowledge that they have been hearing their entire lives. It also has the secondary benefit of putting people into a deep snooze. You’ll be helping them get enough sleep so they will feel more rested for their day ahead which will allow them to do all the other self-help advice that you’ve dished out.

With more sleep, they can do that exercise regime you recommended and that diet you prescribed in other boring articles. With more sleep, they can feel well rested so they can kick off the new day with your 10 point morning routine. A well-slept reader will be more alert, more awake, and more mentally available for the tasks in front of them.

If you’re not sure if you should wake people up or put them to sleep, go with your gut feeling unless your gut feeling is to wake people up. Become the sleep-whisperer to help people who can’t fall asleep easily, who suffer from insomnia or other sleep disorders.

Writing can be a sword that can wake people up. It can also be like a warm comforter that can give people a good night’s rest. If you prefer to be a writer who wants to aid readers in getting sleep, keep doing the same old same old. Follow this post to a tee. If you want to wake people up, inspire or move them, do just the opposite.

What kind of writer do you aspire to be? One that helps induce sleep or helps people stay up late into the night reading?