7 Uncomfortable Situations That Will Lead to Self-Improvement
How difficult moments help us grow
Most people take the easy route.
Whether it’s professional risks, physical challenges, or controversial discussions, many people shy away from uncomfortable situations.
In truth, discomfort frightens us.
We are afraid to fail at our new professional project. We don’t push ourselves harder in the gym because we are too scared to test our limits. And finally, contentious debates aren’t appealing because we fear someone’s reaction, and we dread the prospect of questioning our beliefs.
It’s in these situations, however, that genuine self-improvement ensues.
By taking our mental and physical capabilities over the edge, we force ourselves into unknown territory. And these unchartered territories are where new possibilities lie.
In short, we need to put ourselves in unfamiliar situations to experience personal growth.
On this basis, here are seven uncomfortable situations that will lead to self-improvement.
1. Not getting a job or promotion
Rejection — whether it’s not getting a job or failing to score a date with our crush — is a painful experience.
Hopes and dreams vanish in an instant, and we feel defeated.
Nevertheless, rejection forces us to question our actions, thinking patterns, and skills. It always includes a call to action, and once we understand this mission, we will act with more foresight, purpose, and tenacity.
In this context, Susan Cain, bestseller author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, explains in Tim Ferriss’ interview series Tribe of Mentors how a missed law firm promotion revealed her calling as a writer:
“The day came when I was I was well along on partnership track, that the senior partner in my firm came to my office and told me that I wouldn’t be put up for partner on schedule. I burst into tears right in front of him — and then asked for a leave of absence. […] I thought I’d travel, I thought I’d stare at walls for a while. Instead — and it all happened so suddenly and cinematically that it might defy belief — I remembered that I had always wanted to be a writer.”
Susan’s story illustrates how a lost job opportunity — an uncomfortable situation — can lead to questioning our values and ultimately identifying a new quest.
As such, getting rejected is a hurtful occurrence at first, but it can also kick-start the self-improvement train and unlock new potential.
2. Public speaking
To many first-timers, public speaking is a highly uncomfortable experience.
What will the audience think? Is my speech good enough? Do I even master the topic?
These are the questions that run through our minds when entering a stage.
Fear of speaking in public — also called “glossophobia” — is common in all age groups. According to Statistic Brain, around 74% of people are afraid to speak in public.
The benefits of speaking in public, however, are unquestionable.
By defending your projects in public, you become more confident. Addressing a crowd bolsters your rhetorical skills. And finally, the more you speak in public, the more you’ll realize that practice makes perfect — a recognition that can be helpful in other areas.
Use the discomfort of your next public speech to better yourself.
Chills will run down your spine at first, but the long-term benefits will overshadow initial reservations.
3. Solo traveling
I went on my first solo trip in 2012.
I was 18 years old and a rebellious high school student. I wanted to do something eccentric — something my friends and family wouldn’t expect.
Other people in my situation might have joined a political movement or partied every night, but personally, that was never on the cards.
Instead, I went to Mexico for one month, all by myself.
To calm my parents’ nerves, I signed up for Spanish classes. The trip’s academic dimension didn’t appease my mom. You’ll return in a body bag.
I might have acted gutsy back home, but once I boarded the plane to Mexico-City, I was terrified. Fifteen minutes before takeoff, I considered leaving the aircraft. For ten seconds, I wrestled with the idea and even put my coat on. In the end, I stayed in my seat. Today, I consider this moment one of the most courageous ten seconds of my life.
On the first day in Mexico, however, my fear was back. I was too scared to walk the streets of the Mexican capital and took a hop-on hop-off bus instead.
The beginning was hard but after a few days, a switch turned in my mind.
You’ve been here for four days, and nothing happened. You haven’t been robbed, killed, or kidnapped. Not even once.
From that moment onwards, the trip turned into a life-changing experience. I was invited to locals’ homes, learned basic Spanish, met people that are still friends today, and fell in love with exploring — especially solo traveling in exotic locations.
That first trip to Mexico paved the way for future travels and also set the mental foundation for my digital nomad lifestyle. Had I succumbed to fear or external pressure in that fateful moment on the plane, my life would probably have taken a different direction.
Solo travel is scary, uncomfortable, and tiring. It is, however, also exhilarating, instructive, and unique.
No experience compares to the sheer unlimited freedom you’ll feel on the road, and not many activities provide more life lessons.
4. Living on a shoestring budget
Many people choose instant gratification over long-term financial freedom.
That job promotion warrants a new car. You’re an executive now — you naturally need five new tailored suits. And finally, with student loans out of the picture, you reward yourself with 10,000 dollars in credit card debt.
All of these decisions favor comfort, not growth.
Living above your means is easy. You just take on debt. Living below your means, however, is where real self-improvement happens.
Spending less than you can afford has a dual advantage.
First, you build for the future. Every day, you take one step toward financial freedom.
Secondly, you’ll gain novel skills. You’ll become better at prioritization, budgeting, and intentional consumption.
In this context, especially entrepreneurs need to tackle the dilemma of living large today versus improving in the long run.
In 1994, Jeff Bezos came across a statistic detailing the rise of something called “the internet.” He decided that selling books online would be an intriguing idea.
He left his comfortable, well-paid job at D.E. Shaw to launch a startup. For several years, he had to borrow a car, hold meetings in a neighborhood Barnes & Nobles, and live on cheap instant food.
His choices shocked his former Wall Street colleagues at the time, but Bezos’ frugality paid off. Amazon became an e-commerce giant, weathered the storm of the dot-com crash, and made Bezos the richest man in the world.
5. Exploring your body’s limits
Physical challenges are never comfortable.
Whether it’s lifting iron in the gym, running through mud, or climbing a mountain, pushing your body to the limit is an arduous endeavor.
To quote English adventurer Ross Edgley, the man who swam around the entirety of Great Britain, “get comfortable being uncomfortable.”
If you want to improve your body, you need to embrace discomfort and a certain degree of pain. Take a cold shower. Walk barefoot in the snow. Or even better, swim in an icy lake.
The idea isn’t new. Stoic philosopher Seneca frequently told his students to walk through the desert on a hot day to increase their resilience.
Consequently, don’t shy away from physical discomfort. If you seek measurable improvement, you need to take your body to the limit.
6. Practicing a new language
Learning a language is fun, but practicing it with strangers is a different beast.
I learned French at school. I know the basics of Spanish, but I never practiced. And if I talked more German, I would master it.
These are common phrases you hear from people who supposedly learned but don’t speak or understand foreign languages.
Fluent in six languages, I can safely say that there is only one way to master a new language: speaking. Granted, I got a head start by growing up in Luxembourg — a trilingual country — but I still had to learn the others.
When it comes to language proficiency, you can have a great vocabulary and know the grammar, but without forcing yourself to speak, you won’t become fluent.
That’s why beginners need to step out of their comfort zone and speak.
In this context, my last stay in Portugal provided a cheerful reminder.
I always wanted to learn Portuguese. It’s the sixth most spoken language in the world and close to Spanish and French, two languages I already speak. The summer of 2020 — when I spent two months in Portugal — would be my opportunity.
Full of eagerness, I studied grammar and started reading books before leaving for the Iberian peninsula.
Upon arriving in Porto, however, I fell into the comfort trap. Instead of talking to people, I took online classes without skype teaching. After a month, I wasn’t happy with my progress.
It was only after going to local markets, talking to people in the metro, and applying every online lesson in the café next door that my levels improved. The progress ensued after a lot of mistakes and uncomfortable corrections.
Nevertheless, thanks to the discomfort, I became conversational in a matter of months.
Learning a language will teach you an important lesson:
Studying theory is comfortable, but it won’t make you progress. Practicing in discomfort, on the other hand, will lead to real-world improvement.
7. Debating people with different backgrounds
Finally, many people miss out on lots of lessons as a result of conflict shyness.
They don’t want to debate other people, challenge their interlocutor’s ideas, or analyze their own beliefs.
Controversial discussions, however, are an incredible source of wisdom and self-improvement.
By exposing your ideas and opinions to people with different backgrounds, you receive an honest assessment.
As such, uncomfortable debating will spark your curiosity, and you’ll get a fresh viewpoint on ideas you might see as self-evident.
In this context, I remember debating a fellow entrepreneur who argued against moving back into his parent’s house as a cost-saving measure.
Personally, saving money on housing was a no-brainer.
To him, the decrease in freedom, personal space, and quietness would hamper his business. He didn’t understand how any aspiring entrepreneur could sacrifice freedom for money.
After discussing the question for half an hour, we both accepted each other’s points. It was a classic case where a contentious debate opened both debaters’ eyes.