BUSINESS

Seven Tips for Effectively Dealing with a Bully at Work

You don’t have to feel like your hands are tied. You have options, you have rights, and you’re not alone.

Have you ever been bullied by someone at work?

I have on a few occasions and I’ve had to handle each workplace bully differently.

For example, I used to work in the corporate offices of a prominent global corporation, and my manager was this woman who for whatever reason seemed to not like me from the very start.

She was very standoffish with me but was not this way with the other employees. I was new and had to ask questions, and every time I asked her a simple question pertaining to my job, she’d snap at me and say something mean like, “Look, I’m busy! Whatever it is you need, you’re just going to have to figure it out!”

Figure it out? Isn’t there supposed to be a learning curve when a person is new on the job? Don’t people need to show the new person the ropes?

At every turn, this woman was a complete b*tch to me, but she was nice to everybody else. For example, she would not speak back when I would tell her ‘good morning’ or ‘have a nice day’. She’d hear me but kept her mouth closed and kept walking or kept her head down in her work.

Or, she would snap at me in front of others at meetings when I made suggestions or asked questions and say that I wasn’t making any sense. She also would raise her voice at me in front of my co-workers for just whatever reason. She would throw work on my desk and bark at me to get it done — all kinds of stuff like this.

I couldn’t understand why this was happening. There I was the new person at a new job and the person I report to was treating me like the worse thing that had ever joined the company. I would just kind of let it go on the outside but the hood in me on the inside wanted to tell her just where she needed to go, which was to bust hell wide open with her devilish personality towards me.

What was it? I wondered if it had anything to do with me being the only black person in the office. Maybe. But I did later find out from people who’d worked there for years that she was just a stuck up, mean woman that rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. I just happened to be unfortunate enough to have been her administrative assistant.

How I handled it

I was NOT about to give her the satisfaction of me losing my cool so that she could use it against me. So, I eventually went above her head to the head of the department and complained about her. The three of us had a private meeting and I simply told her and gave examples of how she was rude, unfair, condescending, and inappropriate in her actions of raising her voice and disrespecting me, particularly in front of the other people in the office.

I also said to her, in front of her boss, that she will need to stop the behavior or I’d file a formal complaint with HR. I told her that I treat her with respect and courteousness and I expected the same treatment in return, as she does with everybody else. And, I said that we didn’t need to like each other to do this and get the work done.

After the meeting, her boss took me aside and said that he was impressed at the way I ‘handled her’ because nobody has ever stood up to her like that. And, to my surprise, she started being nicer to me. I think that she still didn’t like me but I had the feeling that she secretly admired how I was in the meeting. Her boss eventually changed my reporting relationship and assigned someone else to be my manager.

Types of bullying at work

Bullying in the workplace is more common than you might think, and it can be in different forms. Workplace bullying can take various forms and include such acts as:

• Threats, threatening messages or emails, embarrassing social media posts
• Sexual harassment, messages containing sexist or discriminatory remarks
• Insults, gossip, and rumors
• Humiliation, intimidation, and manipulation
• Being singled out, isolation
• Unrealistic deadlines, tasks that are set up for failure, and sabotage
• Demeaning, belittling, or talking over someone during meetings or video calls
• Micromanaging every detail of work an employee does
• Taking credit for someone else’s work
• Withholding necessary resources for someone to get their job done
• Yelling at an employee in front of other employees
• Gaslighting and making an employee second guess him/herself

Some stats

A 2019 Monster.com survey found that 94% out of over 2000 employees surveyed reported having experienced bullying in the workplace.

This is ridiculous!

Workplace bullies can be anyone from peers, coworkers, vendors, bosses, managers, or executives. The survey shows that more than half of the respondents (51.1%) said that it was a boss or manager who bullied them.

Just like me!

Methods of bullying varied including aggressive email tones (23.3%), negative gossip among coworkers (20.2%) and being yelled at (17.8%).

Another personal experience

I once worked for a scrap metal company as an administrative assistant, and the owner of the company would yell at the top of his lungs, with veins popping out of his neck, saying every curse word in the book, and actually throwing things around while yelling at his direct reports (not me I reported to someone else). He would call them names like stupid, dumb, imbecile, and he’d actually curse them out very loudly.

This man was a complete monster to people. I don’t see how grown men could take how this man treated them. It was extremely hostile to the point where I wouldn’t have been surprised if he didn’t take out a gun and start shooting everybody. It was that bad.

Needless to say that I only lasted working there for about three weeks. I had to get out of there! He never yelled at me like that and it’s a good thing because I know I would have asked him who the blank he thought he was talking to. And, even though it wasn’t directed at me specifically, it was still abusive and hostile to me and everybody who witnessed it. It was a hostile, volatile environment. He was the worst workplace bully anybody could imagine.

Bullying can lead to health concerns, undue stress, and low productivity at work — and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. With that said, it’s important to take appropriate steps to handle bullying at work to support your wellbeing. Below are some suggestions to consider if you find yourself bullied at work (or witnessing it).

7 ways to handle workplace bullying

1. Research your company’s policy. Look for any information on the proper course of action to take such as in a no-tolerance policy, which can apply if you’re the victim or a witness to the bullying in the workplace.
2. Take a break. Many times, I had to leave my work area and walk to the restroom and pray to cool off and calm down, so that I would not lose my professionalism, which a bully could be pushing you to do.
3. Take care of yourself. It’s perfectly normal for victims of bullying in the workplace to be intimidated and made to feel afraid to speak up. This is especially true if it’s the boss or another person in a position of power doing the bullying. But, bullying can hurt your wellbeing, both mentally and physically, so it’s important to take care of you and be sure to implement ways to manage stress until you get out of the situation.
4. Address the issue with the bully. This may not always be the best course of action, but sometimes all you might need to do is speak up and stand up to a bully at work, in a professional way of course.
5. Talk to upper management or someone in Human Resources. If you do not want to confront the person bullying you directly, then you should go to the person who the bully reports to, your manager, or human resources. Make sure that you remain calm and professional, so that no one can accuse you of being irrational or hostile.
6. Document bullying incidents. Keep a journal or a log of every time you experience bullying in the workplace. Always document anything that is related to interactions with the bully. Be sure to mark times and dates, as a timeline of events can work in your favor should you need it to support your case, if it comes down to it.
7. Consult with a lawyer. If you have tried everything possible to get the bullying to stop and nothing has worked, then you should consider speaking with an attorney. Keep in mind that even though workplace bullying in itself is unethical, it is not illegal unless it’s also harassment that’s protected under certain laws.

In either case, just know that you do not have to continue being subjected to workplace bullying. Be sure to seek assistance and protection of your rights.

Thank you for stopping by. If you would like to check out more of my writing, feel free to visit my bio and profile.