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Abstract

his article, we will show a personal, subjective list, based on my experience.So here is the list:<ul><li>Compatibility</li><li>Respect</li><li>Communication (understanding)</li><li>Flexibility</li><li>Reliable</li><li>Devoted</li><li>Humor</li></ul>Compatibility is very important in any relationship. There is a saying: “The opposites attract, but the alike stay together.’’ I do not think that is true. You do not have to be the same, or completely different to be attracted or to stay together. But you have to be compatible to complement each other. You have to “zig when they zag”, so to speak.Respect — if you don’t respect each other, no healthy relationship is possible. End of story.Communication — You need to communicate in order to understand each other. Yes, guys: you cannot escape talking with your better half! Since most of us are not psychic, we have to tell our partners what we like/dislike about them and vice versa. I don’t care how much you love and/or have “the hots” for your partner; if you don’t understand each other (especially about the little things), you won’t make your relationship last.Flexible — you have to have flexibility in any kind of relationship. The magic word here is: compromise. In many situations, you have to find the middle ground with your partner. That is only possible if you know that the other side is also ready for concessions. This is a two-way street and you need to do your part. Being stubborn and rigid will get you nowhere (trust me: it doesn’t work!).Reliable — this one is rather obvious. You want to be able to rely on your partner and vice versa. Without it, making any kind of long-term relationship work is mission impossible.Devotion — you will want to devote yourself to the person you are with. In fact, that is the point: going all in with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Spending time, energy, and resources on that special someone is the general idea.Humor — and at last, but not the least, on the list (pun intended :)). This one may not be the obvious choice, but in recent years people have realized that it is a very important aspect. The person that makes you laugh and laughs at your jokes is a must for a good relationship. I know a few examples of couples that didn’t understand each other i

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n the “humor department” and it did not go well. So, pay attention to this one: it is a far-reaching aspect.You might have noticed I did not mention love here. In my book, love is understood, unless you are in a marriage of convenience. Also, sincerity is one of the things that is crucial in any relationship. Without it, you cannot have anything permanent in life. Just like love, sincerity for me is understood. I hope the same goes for you.<figure id="c7e7"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*xMmg0mQEbnMB5pzCS08KtQ.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by kevin turcios on Unsplash</figcaption></figure><h2 id="93ab">Friendship</h2>With friendship, we have a similar situation. We could have some of the best times of our lives with certain people. They may be the funniest, most easy-going, coolest people you have met. If you want to have the best party or a barbecue, you would invite them first. But that doesn’t mean that they are your friends for life, or “best friends material”.Best friends are people we can count on at any time of day or night. If we are in a tight spot, they will be there for us. Simple as that. We always feel a deep connection with them, even if we did not see them for a while. They may not be the life of the party, their lives could be totally different than ours. But they get us. And when things get rough, they are there. No questions asked, they just deliver! And we show them the same courtesy. That is why they are here to stay…and nothing else matters!<h2 id="c28f">Takeaway</h2>We are complex beings and have many different needs and desires. Sometimes we want casual acquaintances, crazy parties, one beer too many or just to hang out with different kinds of people. That is perfectly normal because everything becomes boring at one point and we want a change. Yet, at the end of the day, we want to spend time with our closest friends and family. We can still socialize with a lot of our acquaintances, but not all the time. Just like junk food: once in a while it is OK, but most of the time you should eat some real food.So, take care of the closest people in your life: they are the norm. Then every once in a while, you might want to hang out with “a crazy bunch”. Go ahead, it will do you good. But always remember who you are and who are people you chose to stay for good in your life. Cheers!</article></body>

Love and relationships

7 Things We Should Look For in a Long-Term Relationship…

…or in a real friendship, for that matter

What are the necessary requirements for a long-term relationship, marriage, friendship?

Is it love, devotion, commitment? The persons that make us laugh, feel good about ourselves? Persons that make us happy, make us feel “more like ourselves” (whatever that means!), that “complete us” (thanks a lot, “Jerry McGuire”!)?

Real-life story

A friend of mine told me years ago her experience with suitable partners for a long-term relationship. “The person you will spend your life with is not necessarily the one you love the most or had the most passionate sex with. It is the one with whom you are most compatible, who understands you the most, and on whom you can rely on.”

That statement really made me think. It is wonderful if your life partner is the one that you love the most and gives you the most pleasure in the bed department. But that is usually not the case. So does that mean that we have settled? We missed our best sex, a biggest emotional high, the persons that made us laugh all the time and ended up with the best “marriage material”?

No, I don’t believe that.

Let me tell you why. There is something called maturity. Since most of the people today do not get married in their teen years, we have the time to accumulate experience in relationships before marriage. We can enjoy crazy, passionate, dysfunctional flirts, or love-at-first-sight adventures in our youth and learn from them. Later we realize that those relationships in 90 percent of the cases have no future and we start looking for something else. Yes, there are exceptions, but they only prove the general rule.

The Search

OK, so what qualities are we looking for in a person in the long run?

Investigating this topic, you can find much research about it and a lot of personal stories and experiences. There are a lot of different qualities on these lists. However, a lot of the mentioned qualities appear in different lists, so this is for sure not a coincidence. In this article, we will show a personal, subjective list, based on my experience.

So here is the list:

Compatibility
Respect
Communication (understanding)
Flexibility
Reliable
Devoted
Humor

Compatibility is very important in any relationship. There is a saying: “The opposites attract, but the alike stay together.’’ I do not think that is true. You do not have to be the same, or completely different to be attracted or to stay together. But you have to be compatible to complement each other. You have to “zig when they zag”, so to speak.

Respect — if you don’t respect each other, no healthy relationship is possible. End of story.

Communication — You need to communicate in order to understand each other. Yes, guys: you cannot escape talking with your better half! Since most of us are not psychic, we have to tell our partners what we like/dislike about them and vice versa. I don’t care how much you love and/or have “the hots” for your partner; if you don’t understand each other (especially about the little things), you won’t make your relationship last.

Flexible — you have to have flexibility in any kind of relationship. The magic word here is: compromise. In many situations, you have to find the middle ground with your partner. That is only possible if you know that the other side is also ready for concessions. This is a two-way street and you need to do your part. Being stubborn and rigid will get you nowhere (trust me: it doesn’t work!).

Reliable — this one is rather obvious. You want to be able to rely on your partner and vice versa. Without it, making any kind of long-term relationship work is mission impossible.

Devotion — you will want to devote yourself to the person you are with. In fact, that is the point: going all in with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Spending time, energy, and resources on that special someone is the general idea.

Humor — and at last, but not the least, on the list (pun intended :)). This one may not be the obvious choice, but in recent years people have realized that it is a very important aspect. The person that makes you laugh and laughs at your jokes is a must for a good relationship. I know a few examples of couples that didn’t understand each other in the “humor department” and it did not go well. So, pay attention to this one: it is a far-reaching aspect.

You might have noticed I did not mention love here. In my book, love is understood, unless you are in a marriage of convenience. Also, sincerity is one of the things that is crucial in any relationship. Without it, you cannot have anything permanent in life. Just like love, sincerity for me is understood. I hope the same goes for you.

Friendship

With friendship, we have a similar situation. We could have some of the best times of our lives with certain people. They may be the funniest, most easy-going, coolest people you have met. If you want to have the best party or a barbecue, you would invite them first. But that doesn’t mean that they are your friends for life, or “best friends material”.

Best friends are people we can count on at any time of day or night. If we are in a tight spot, they will be there for us. Simple as that. We always feel a deep connection with them, even if we did not see them for a while. They may not be the life of the party, their lives could be totally different than ours. But they get us. And when things get rough, they are there. No questions asked, they just deliver! And we show them the same courtesy. That is why they are here to stay…and nothing else matters!

Takeaway

We are complex beings and have many different needs and desires. Sometimes we want casual acquaintances, crazy parties, one beer too many or just to hang out with different kinds of people. That is perfectly normal because everything becomes boring at one point and we want a change. Yet, at the end of the day, we want to spend time with our closest friends and family. We can still socialize with a lot of our acquaintances, but not all the time. Just like junk food: once in a while it is OK, but most of the time you should eat some real food.

So, take care of the closest people in your life: they are the norm. Then every once in a while, you might want to hang out with “a crazy bunch”. Go ahead, it will do you good. But always remember who you are and who are people you chose to stay for good in your life. Cheers!