7 Things to Stop Saying When You Talk to Yourself

Make the voice in your head work for you.

Do you have the same thoughts running through your head every single day?

The odds are, the thoughts you had yesterday and the day before, are the same ones you will have today and tomorrow. That chatterbox in your brain is like an itch you can’t scratch.

One recent study found that people have about 6,000 thoughts per day. Most of them are useless. They do not make you better, happier, or closer to the life you want.

Yet you continue telling yourself the same old disempowering stories day after day out of habit.

Here’s the problem, you struggle to change the stories you tell yourself because you don’t know what those stories are. It’s not your fault. You’re in the dark because most of the things you say to yourself are subtle and unconscious. Often, the best way to tackle your disempowering beliefs is to have someone point them out to you.

Here are 7 things you should stop saying when you talk to yourself.

Nothing ever works out for me

The odds of you being born are 1 in 10²⁶⁸⁵⁰⁰⁰ or basically nothing.

Let that sink in. Oh wait, you cant let it sink in because no human being can wrap their brain around those numbers. The odds of you being born are right at zero, yet here you are.

When you tell yourself “Nothing ever works out for me” what you’re saying is the list of five to seven things your thinking about didn’t work out for you.

Instead of having a pity party because you’ve failed a few times, how might your life look different if your success was based on the fact that you exist at all? Everything else is the icing on the cake.

I shouldn’t upset anyone

People create their lives by their thoughts and the way they react to things that happen to them.

You’re intelligent and already know this is true for you. But it’s easy to forget it’s true for everyone else as well. When people get upset with you, it’s rarely about you. More often than not, their anger is a reflection of how they feel about themselves.

If you attempt to live your life without upsetting anyone, you’ll always seem and inauthentic and un-relatable. You can be the nicest person in the world and still upset someone because they think you’re too nice.

Just because someone doesn’t like you does not make you a bad person. While I wouldn’t advise upsetting someone out of spite, there’s no reason to live in fear of what other people think.

I’m fine the way I am

In a culture of radical acceptance, it’s often difficult to convince people they need to grow and change. To achieve new things in life, you have to be willing to grow and change. So why is it so hard?

Nobody likes to feel like they aren’t good enough. If you don’t succeed at first, your ego will tell you it’s their fault and not yours. Excuses are the enemy. The truth is, you’re not good enough, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get better.

If you want to change your life, get really good at doing something you love. Even if you aren’t paid, growing mastery produces growing confidence.

I’m not enough

According to therapist Marissa Peer, most people believe they aren’t enough. It’s a deep-seated unconscious belief that causes self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. But by increasing your sense of self-worth, all areas of your life start to improve.

It may sound counterintuitive given what I said about being good enough. But there’s a subtle difference between believing you’re good enough and believing you are enough. What do I mean?

The former is the belief you don’t need to improve in any way and people should accept you the way you are. The latter is the belief that you aren’t inherently good or deserving of anything good in life.

When you exchange the belief that you’re not enough for the belief that you are enough, you will gain confidence that everyone around you will sense. You’ll try new things that you once thought were out of your reach. You’ll pursue healthier relationships and better jobs because you believe you’re worthy to take them on.

Changing this one belief can give you the confidence to improve many areas of your life.

I have to do it perfectly or not all

Do you feel like your work needs to be perfect before you can show it to anyone?

There’s a popular saying in Silicon Valley: “Done is better than perfect.” It expresses a desire to move fast and grow. The idea is to not allow perfectionism to get in the way of progress.

Studies have found perfectionists suffer from a higher degree of stress, burnout, and anxiety. If you struggle with perfectionism, the first step to overcoming it is to let go of your need for the approval of others.

You can edit, tweak, and trim forever. As Leonardo DaVinci said, “Art is never finished, only abandoned.” It’s true whether your art is a portrait, a business, or a blog.

Things will always be this way

It’s difficult to see the other side of difficult times when you’re in the middle of them.

You can lose sight of how fast things can turn around or change when life isn’t going well.

Of course, this is also true when things are going well. It may feel like the good times will never end, but they most assuredly will.

In his book Peaks and Valleys, Spencer Johnson says “The wise things you do in today’s bad times create tomorrow’s good times.”

The adage is true, the only thing that never changes is life is change.

I don’t deserve what I want

Who are you to ask for happiness and success when there’s so much suffering in the world? You should be thankful for what you have.

That’s the attitude a lot of us take, but it’s a mistake. Wanting better for yourself doesn’t elevate you above anyone who’s suffering. If anything, it puts you in a position to help reduce the suffering of others. You can’t do that if you continue to play small.

As the old saying goes, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” So by rising above your circumstances–even a little,–your success serves as an inspiration and instruction to others.

Remember this when you talk to yourself

If you can change the stories, you tell yourself about yourself, you can change your life. But how do you do it?

There is no single right answer. I have found journaling to be extraordinarily helpful. Writing the things you say to yourself helps you see how silly and untrue they often are. You can dig into why you believe those things, and work toward replacing them with more empowering beliefs.

Sometimes it takes someone else pointing things out before you can see them in yourself. When you tell yourself things about yourself, be kind–you’re doing the best you can. It’s never too late to update your beliefs about yourself.