7 Things That Your Introvert Friend Wants You To Know

I don’t have many friends. Many would think that this is something that I would be ashamed of, but I’m not. The fact is, I like it that way.

Society seems to be geared up for the extrovert. Loud statements and extravagant behaviour is applauded. Those who are quiet and don’t push themselves forward are often overlooked or dismissed as having little to offer.

But the introverted friend offers many quiet gifts. We just need to be understood. So, let me explain the world from an introvert’s perspective.

Before I launch into this, I feel the need to state a warning that might seem obvious to most. Introverts come in many forms. This article focuses on my particular form of introversion. This is my own personal experience. But maybe you know someone similar to me. And if so, I hope this helps you to understand them a little better.

So here goes…

1. Evenings on the sofa don’t feel like a compromise

I would always choose a night on the sofa in preference to a night out. When you invite me over for a quiet night in, it makes me feel special. I know that it is my company that you want and not an opportunity to show off your latest outfit or impress the crowds with your dancing. And I can focus on you and savour the time that we are spending together rather than being distracted by what is going on around us.

Introverts make great friends for the couch potato.

2. But I still want to be invited out

If I get invited to a social occasion it can send me into a spin. It can open up a million quiet anxieties in my mind:

Are there going to be other people there that I have to pretend to be interested in?

Am I going to end up with a group of people who force me to chat about the weather?

How am I going to dress so that no-one notices me?

What time is the earliest I can leave without causing offense?

But here is the weird thing. I still want to be invited.

If you don’t invite me, I feel that you don’t care. I will feel deeply rejected. And that hurts me just as much as the next person.

But please understand that I might turn down your offer. And that is no reflection on you, but of the busy, noisy world outside.

3. Just because my mouth is quiet it doesn’t mean that my mind is too

If we are watching a quiz show together I won’t shout the answers out like many other people. That doesn’t mean I lack in intelligence, although my awareness of sporting teams is admittedly dodgy. It simply means that I don’t feel the need to impress. I would prefer that others had the opportunity to shine and be noticed. I’m not bothered about that sort of thing.

I understand that your affection for me is not determined by how many words come out of my mouth. Right at this moment, if you are talking about something that matters, you probably have a far greater need to be heard than to hear from me.

When I do say something, please pay attention though, because I only speak when I think I have something valuable to add. And usually I will have thought about the words deeply before they leave my lips.

4. Don’t bother me with small talk

I find small talk incredibly annoying. It wastes emotional and social energy that I would rather save for the things that really matter. I am quietly pleased when I see that my Uber driver has a low score as it probably means that they aren’t very chatty. I spent years finding a hairdresser that didn’t pretend to be interested in my holidays.

If I chose you as a friend it means that you have more to offer than small talk. I’m quite happy to sit in silence with you.

I value who you are as a person, I’m probably not all that interested in what your second cousin’s neighbour did last week.

5. I make a really good listener

Lots of people just listen to reply. I don’t do that, I listen to hear. And just because I don’t say much, it doesn’t mean that I am not processing what you are saying to me. On the contrary, I am probably trying to work out all the implications of what you are telling me. I will be trying to understand how you are feeling right now.

Nothing makes me happier than listening to you telling me about your troubles or talking to me about your long-term goals in life. That is the stuff that really matters.

6. I really don’t need you to fix me

The world seems to be geared up for extroverts. Because extroverts are more noticeable it sometimes seems as though they are everywhere. And there seems to be an assumption that ‘extrovert’ is the best ways to be. If it makes you happy, that is great, but I am quite content with the way I am.

I have lost count of the number of people who have tried to ‘bring me out of myself’ or force me to be louder, pushier or more noticeable. Some people really don’t seem to understand that I just don’t want to be like that.

Introvert is not inferior to extrovert, just different. I am happy with the way I am and don’t need anyone to find me a cure. I am not sick and I am far from broken.

7. You are really special to me

Friendship can feel like a perilous place for the introvert. It leads to lots of experiences and situations that are uncomfortable for us. Despite this, I have chosen to be your friend because you matter to me. A lot.

We keep our circle small but that means that our circle is very special to us.

My friendship group is carefully curated and you made the grade.