7 Things I Would Tell My Former Self Before Moving From Scandinavia to America

Practice your poker face

Last weekend, my husband and I were sitting on our porch having our daily dose of coffee while mentally strolling down memory lane. We talked about what we’d do differently if, instead of coming up on 14 years of being together, we’d just met each other.

Long story short, there wasn’t much we’d change. He would have a greater appreciation for the work-life balance we had in Norway. I would have chosen a different, riskier job at a time I was at a crossroads career-wise.

Reflecting on what was made me think back to how much I’ve learned since moving from Scandinavia to the United States. It’s been a challenging ride. A fun one, too. Here’s what I would tell my former self before moving, simply to make it a little easier for myself back then.

That poker face of yours

Make sure it’s a good one.

People will tell you things, dead serious, and your initial thoughts are to laugh or burst out that they’re nuts. But you can’t do that because then you would’ve offended them and it’s very easy to offend people in the United States.

During the heat of the pandemic, I heard plenty of comments while covering political meetings for work. Thankfully, I had a mask on so no one could see how I truly felt about some of the comments. As a journalist, you hear a lot and in Norway, I was pretty guarded because rather than loud and noisy, Norway and its people are generally calm. Not always, but more often than not, they are.

In the United States, there’s no filter.

Among social get-togethers with new people, you also hear a lot. One of my first friends in the United States was all about conspiracy theories. We lost touch eventually but not until I’d heard that Wayfair is secretly selling kids and that the left side are cannibals.

I mean, how do you even respond to that?

Sometimes, discussions are worth having.

If anything, try to find some middle ground or get a greater understanding of those who think differently than you. Other times, it’s better to simply put that poker face on.

It’s just not worth even getting into.

Some days, you’ll want to give up

Hang in there.

Moving in itself is among the top stressors in life. It’s up there with divorce, being laid off from work, and the death of a loved one. According to Health Status, moving is actually one of the top five stressful situations we experience in life.

Add international into it and it’s no wonder some days are tough.

Packing up, selling the apartment. There were valuable memories under that roof. It’s where you brought home your first child. There were celebrations. Laughs, cries, all of it. Seriously decluttering and getting rid of everything except a few suitcases, of course it takes a toll.

Even for a minimalist!

Moving to a city where everyone is ultra professional and on top of their game 110% of the time. It’s different and new. In our new apartment complex, we had what felt like endless success stories, all in suits.

Don’t give up. You’re not a suit but you’ll get back to doing your thing before you know it. Hang in there.

Stay true to you

Whether it’s food, fashion, or other life habits you swear by.

When we first moved overseas, one of my good friends in that apartment complex started talking about kid-friendly foods. I told her I’ve always made the same foods for my kids as I do for myself and my husband. Making one dinner each day is more than enough.

She couldn’t believe I’d never made chicken nuggets for my kids.

I ended up buying it the next time I was at the store because I kept hearing it was so kid-friendly and easy to make. Oh, well, worth a try, I figured.

Bottom line; nuggets are overrated (and overpriced).

The Nordic diet is not. At least not for a Scandinavian like myself.

Be open

This goes for anything in life.

Example: American football. You thought it was a joke when moving to the United States. Which sport pauses the game every other minute? Not soccer, that’s for sure.

But then the kids got into the American version of football. You ended up playing catch with the kids, trying to show some interest in the sport for their sake. Then, you accidentally got it. Since then, there’s been a visit to a college football game, an NFL game, and you’re sitting in the couch, watching football almost every Sunday.

Be open to trying new things.

This is one of the things you nailed when moving overseas. You thought the suburbs were a superficial middle-class dump lacking authenticity and culture, you thought American football shouldn’t qualify as a sport, you couldn’t for the life of you get the combination of waffle and chicken.

It’s fair to say you had a decent amount of judgment towards things but you were open to trying them despite your snobby Scandinavian mind.

You are glad you ditched your judgment and tried it all.

Side note: Still a soccer fan at heart.

Slow down, on purpose

Coming from a place where everything is calmer makes you feel like you’re unproductive. Lazy, even. Especially as you see those around you run from one thing to the next. Some of them climbing the ladder, higher and higher by the minute. Others packing up their schedule and their kids’ schedule with enrichment after enrichment. Classical music, sports, language lessons.

Name a topic, there’s a class for it. Especially in the city.

You don’t need to rush.

You feel like you do but you truly don’t.

You are happier, the kids are happier and there’s a lighter atmosphere in your entire household when you do things at your speed.

Take an extended leave during elections

It gets nasty around elections, especially presidential elections.

You were gone for four weeks during the fall of 2020 and it was one of the best decisions you made that year. Yes, it included flying during the pandemic and quarantining twice with your kids… but it was all worth it.

Your fall season memories from Norway did not include political yard signs, divisive conversations, odd speeches, or polarization. It included picking berries in the forest and spending the days outdoors with family.

People in Norway didn’t care much for US election news, and you loved the break from all the drama that comes with living in a swing state.

You should plan to take another extended leave in two years.

Sometime around October.

The kids are more resilient than you think

You spent so much time worrying about the kids and how they would adapt to this new life overseas. A new place to live, getting new friends, new daycare, culture. All of it, so new and so different.

You were worried that they would lose the Norwegian language and culture and become all-star, patriotic Americans.

The kids are stronger and more resilient than you think.

They thrive here.

Five years in, you speak Norwegian with them like you always have, and they understand what you say, like they always have.

After they started school, English became their main language.

That’s ok. They still speak Norwegian.

Don’t worry. The kids are good. They have a blast running around the neighborhood with their friends, they love their teachers, and they are kind to their peers. They also love their summers in Norway.

Even if I could go back in time and tell my former self all this, I’m not sure I would. On one hand, it would’ve been nice to know that it would all turn out fine (and that there’s no need for nuggets in the freezer), but part of the fun in life is learning as you go.

Not knowing what the next day, month, or year holds.

It’s exciting, right?