7 Steps to Escape the Success-And-Failure Hamster Wheel

Ditch the resolutions and follow these steps!

I can be a self-improvement-aholic. Give me a motivation pill and I’m all about flagellating challenging myself to be a husband, employee, writer, and just plain ole’ human being.

So why do I keep faceplanting? Why do all those resolutions — whether or not they’re made on January 1 — fall by the wayside?

On the one hand, the answer is obvious. I quit, and it’s my fault! I just need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and put my nose back to the grindstone (whatever that means)!

So I give myself a pep talk (or two or three). I flex my inner muscles. I beat my chest. Full of vim and vigor I’m again ready to conquer myself — and the world.

And then it happens again. Another faceplant. More finger-pointing. More resolving. More getting back up. More resolving.

And then…more failing followed by the same rigamarole all over again.

Am I the only one tempted to think this whole self-improvement thing is nothing more than a never-ending hamster wheel?

Is quitting an option?

There actually are times in which quitting is a good — maybe even the best — option. Probably all of us have at one point or another found ourselves barking up the wrong tree of pursuits.

But in the bigger picture of life, quitting is not an option. Mediocrity is illegitimate. You know that and I know that. Whether it’s our health (physical and emotional), our careers, our relationships, or life in general, we simply cannot quit pursuing excellence.

So how do we escape the hamster-wheel syndrome?

Maybe it’s time for a different approach.

I’m no life guru. But heck, life in and of itself can be a great teacher — if we allow it to be.

Let me to share 7 steps to find the hamster wheel’s off-ramp.

Step #1: Define Success

What exactly are you pursuing? And why are you pursuing it?

I’m not talking so much here about quantifiable goals like losing 50 pounds or publishing 100 Medium posts in the next 6 months. We’ll get to those in a moment.

What defines success for you? Let’s get to the big-picture stuff. What — in your eyes — makes you successful? Is it having a super-healthy body? Is it making a killer income? Is it being a better spouse, parent, and/or friend? Is it something else?

Why does this thing define success for you? What deeper meaning do you get out of it? Does it fill a hole in your psyche? Does it make you (in your eyes) a better person?

I’m being totally non-judgmental here. No, you need to be the judge. You decide. And there’s no better way to start than by writing up a life purpose statement. Such a document will spell out the core of who you are — and what flows out of that core.

Step #2: Take inner inventory

OK, so now you’ve determined the essence of what’s supposed to flow out of you. Only one problem: there are blockages in the “flow-hose.” Those blockages are self-sabotaging thoughts — many of which come from self-sabotaging emotions.

For me, the struggle has been over having confidence to take on new career challenges. My experiences in childhood imbedded in me the message that I’m dumb, inadequate, and unworthy of success. That voice followed me into my 40’s. Even now as I aim to go full-time as a writer, that voice is in the back of my head.

What’s different with me now as compared to 20 years ago? Simply this: I recognize it as being nothing more than a distracting voice. It’s not me. It’s an imposter. I recognize it, I call it out, and I deal with it.

What lies does your inner imposter tell you? Where do those lies come from? Was it your upbringing? Was it the death of a loved one? Was it some form of unspeakable trauma?

I got outside help in dealing with my inner imposter(s). Perhaps you need the same. Maybe not. Regardless, you need to recognize them and call them out. Put them in their place.

Obviously, this is easier said than done. But is it possible? Absolutely.

Step #3: Take outer inventory

You’ve defined success. You’ve dealt with the inner imposter. Now you’re ready to conquer the world!

Not so fast.

Watch your “to-do” intake. I want to accomplish a lot. Just take a look at my weekly planner. I’ve got that bad boy crammed with more “to-do’s” than I dream of getting done in a month, let alone a week. On the one hand, I keep it that way to remind myself of things that need to get done (even if I know I can’t get them all done as quickly as I’d like).

But many of those “to-do’s” end up getting chucked by the wayside. Why? Because as important as they may seem at the moment, they’re not priority.

Keep yourself on the straight and narrow. And what dictates those priorities? My life purpose statement, that’s what! That document commissions me to employ God-given endowments in my roles as husband, writer, and citizen — in that order. (That’s the condensed version.) So my desire for civic engagement is subservient to my pursuit of writing — which in turn is subservient to my family commitment. Whenever there’s conflict amongst those roles, I know which one(s) to prioritize.

Step #4: Persevere!

Your life purpose statement is a life purpose statement. They contain life goals which aren’t meant to be accomplished in a day, a week, or a month.

Translated: you’re not going to lose those 50 pounds next week. You’re not going to be a killer Medium blogger in a month — or even six. Repairing that broken relationship will take time — maybe lots of it.

Once you’ve shut up that inner imposter and mapped out your life, be prepared to dig in.

Step #5: Find your tribe

You’re not meant to do this alone. Find a close circle of friends who will: · cheer you on; · give wise counsel; · get in your face when necessary; · help keep you on the straight and narrow.

Choose co-workers. Choose family members. Choose friends. Probably a combination of all three is most apropos. Whomever choose, make sure they are in your corner while not being afraid to give you hard truth (and correction) when and if necessary.

Step #6: Be kind to yourself

Remember the lies we discussed earlier? Most if not all of them are meant to attack you at the core of who you are as a human being. They’ll use your being overweight or “dumb” as an excuse to convince you that you’re trash.

But those voices don’t define you! Neither do your failures — or even your successes.

You are uniquely designed to be you. None of the other 6 billion people on the planet are made exactly like you. Never forget that.

So be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace when you mess up. Forgive yourself.

And perhaps most importantly, don’t forget to take care of your whole self — body, soul, and spirit.

All of this is possible while still pursuing excellence.

Step #7: Be kind to others

Finally, don’t forget your loved ones. Don’t forget your friend, neighbor, and co-worker. Heck, don’t forget to be kind to strangers as well!

This is perhaps the one step I never hear about from any “success gurus.” But it may be the most important one. Doesn’t the Bible say that loving our neighbors as ourselves is tops on God’s priority list?

Pursuing your goals does not mean stepping on people. It doesn’t give you license to bite at them with your words.

One more time: you are not defined by “failure” or “success.” You are defined by who you are created to be. And none of us are created to be jerks. Period.

In conclusion…

Reading all the success guru material can weigh me down at times. Ditto with reading all the “how I got to a million followers on Medium” posts. These are all of great value. But all too often they remind me of how far I have to go to get to my destination.

You are the captain of your ship. Only you can define success for yourself. Only you can do the inner and outer inventory. Then with perseverance along with “finding your tribe,” you’re well on your way. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself and those around you.

One step at a time, you and I can both find the off-ramp to the dreaded “success-and-failure hamster wheel.”