7 Simple Tips For Being More Confident, Starting Today
Have you ever dreamed of being more confident, but never could pull it off?
No matter what you try, you seem to be stuck in self-destructive behavior, more insecure than ever before? I was there, too. I worried too much about what others thought and said, and was always scared of trying new things.
But after reading over 75 books on self-improvement, trying many things, failing often, and repeating the whole process, I found 7 simple tips that help anyone to become more confident.
Do not strive for perfection
There’s no such thing as being always confident. I repeat: you can’t always be confident. There’s no perfection. Even the people who seem most confident have their insecurities.
It’s a powerful truth to understand.
Because if you understand everybody has their set of insecurities, you realize: they are human beings.
Back in uni, I had a confident friend. He always knew what to say, and what to do, and people just seemed to like him.
At some point, he came to me and said: “Man, I wish I’d have your confidence.” I laughed. Irritated, he looked at me and asked: “What’s up?”.
I told him that I thought the same of him.
He couldn’t believe it. Just like I couldn’t believe what he had just said.
Often, you seem to be more confident than you are.
And even more often, others have insecurities, too.
Hence, you shouldn’t strive for perfection. There’s none.
It’s a paradox: If you can free yourself from the false belief that you need to be confident all the time, you’ll become more confident. Try it.
Confidence is fleeting. Embrace it.
The power of breathing
There’s a reason we tell people to breathe in a bag.
Breathing is a superpower, and we often talk down as a necessity. It’s crazy how much you can make or break with breathing.
I only learned that by reading “Breathe: The New Science of a Lost” Art by James Nestor.
Breathing can help you with:
- stress reduction
- anxiety management
- improved focus
- enhanced sleep
- being more mindful
It can even give you a sexier jawline. No joke. No wonder, it influences your confidence, too. Whenever you feel insecure, you’re probably breathing too fast. Breathe slower.
Inhale for 5 seconds.
Exhale for 5 seconds.
Do that for 3 minutes.
You’ll feel like you can take on the next challenge.
If you don’t believe me, try it.
I made a habit of deep breathing when I get too emotional or insecure, and it grounds me every single time.
Breathe yourself to more confidence.
Develop an abundance mindset
There’s more than enough for everyone.
But you need to remind yourself of that. Often, we’re told that we need to fight for something. That there’s a lack of anything and only a few people can make it.
One part is true: only a few people can make it. But it’s not because of a lack of abundance. It’s because of a lack of attitude.
You don’t need to compete for someone or something.
It’s all in your head.
Instead, you have to realize that we have enough (even too much) of anything. Often, we only hear: life throws you curveballs. And it’s true.
But something else that’s true and no one speaks about is:
Life also delivers you the best assists.
You have to embrace them. Don’t fear lacking things. Embrace what you have.
Remind yourself that there’s even more.
Then you can act from a position of confidence.
Relieve the tension
Let loose.
Have you ever heard that things go to work as soon as you stop trying to force them? The same goes for being confident.
Don’t force yourself to be confident. It doesn’t work.
I always thought faking it until you make it is stupid.
Sure, you can smile at yourself in the mirror. You can try to convince yourself that you’re the best. But the harder you try, the less likely you’ll be successful.
Why? Because otherwise you wouldn’t try so hard.
I’ll tell you something better:
Let loose. Embrace the waves of confidence.
Again: if you don’t force being confident, you’ll become more confident.
Why?
Because you start appreciating yourself. Don’t cling too much to the idea of being someone. Start with being yourself. That’s what you can do best, anyway.
Don’t force, float.
Embrace self-acceptance
Have you realized? The most confident people are the most self-accepting ones. But we got the chronology wrong.
It’s not: First confidence, then self-acceptance.
It’s first self-acceptance, then confidence.
Hot take: you can meet a homeless person who’s more confident than a millionaire.
It all starts with you. Right here and now.
- You don’t need to have $50.000 more in your bank account.
- You don’t need a promotion.
- You don’t need a house and a car.
You can already accept yourself in this given moment. No one forbids you to accept yourself.
But you have to realize it. You need to understand: it all starts with the relationship with yourself. If you love yourself the way you are, you become more confident.
There’s no way around it.
Practice positive self-talk
But please don’t stand in front of a mirror, telling yourself: “I can do it.”
That’s a waste of time. Because it starts way earlier.
It starts with you forbidding yourself to criticize yourself hourly.
Back, when I was at the beginning of my 20s, I’d call myself an idiot, as soon as I dropped a glass of marmalade or didn’t find cookies in the supermarket.
I’d beat myself up, by saying: “Are you too dumb to hold a glass?”
Next time, I’d have doubts as soon as I looked at a glass of marmalade.
It increased my insecurity in any situation in life.
Then, I learned how destructive self-talk is.
I learned to stop saying negative things to myself. Instead, I started criticizing my behavior, not my person. In a constructive way, I can learn from it.
That’s where the magic happened.
I got more confident, took on more challenges, and started talking to more people. The same will work for you.
What’s better?
Telling yourself you can do it for 3 minutes every morning and then beating yourself up every hour? Or
saving yourself 3 minutes every morning and giving yourself constructive feedback you can learn from when something bad happens?
You know the answer.
Set and achieve realistic goals
There’s no better feeling than achieving your own goals.
It’s addictive. You’ll awaken your inner shark as soon as you lick the blood of achieving goals. You’ll want more.
But, don’t aim for the moon if you don’t have a rocket.
Start by setting clear and achievable goals.
Don’t aim for something too abstract, you can excuse yourself for not achieving it. Go concrete. Don’t say you want to lose weight.
Say you want to lose 5 kilograms in the next two months by running.
Have no idea where to start? Get inspired by mine:
- 200 more Medium followers by the end of January by publishing every day
- $4.000 more in stocks by the end of this year by saving around $350 every month
- doing a multiple-day bike trip longer than 100 km with my father by preparing one smaller bike trip per week, starting in April
- seeing 3 new countries by booking trips early
Setting and achieving your goals will give you confidence because you realize you have the power of achievement. You understand that you can change things when you achieve your first goal.
Celebrate every little win to make it even better.
Getting more confident isn’t difficult if you know what to do. Here’s what:
- don’t strive for perfection because everyone has insecurities
- practice deep breathing to empower yourself
- develop an abundance mindset because there’s more than enough for everyone
- don’t force yourself to be confident, instead embrace the waves of confidence
- stop calling yourself negative things all day, instead of only telling yourself you can do it every morning
- set and achieve realistic goals, to become hungry for more.
Thanks for reading.
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