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Abstract

p id="db15">For example, my husband put a stop to my way of trying to get our son to eat his meals and stop being fussy because it just wasn’t working. After a certain period of time of him implementing his own way of doing things, which was firmer and stricter than I would’ve liked, I started to see some changes in my son and how he would sit down to eat the entire plate of food in front of him.</p><p id="21fa">Now, Andriel looks forward to sitting down next to his parents and mostly eats his entire plate, including the veg. My husband was right, and I was wrong — at least for a period of time (because no one knows the future and kids are unpredictable!)</p><p id="60fc"><b>But my husband didn’t say “I told you so”.</b> He didn’t discredit me as a mother, even if I did question my own decision making. He understood that being wrong is not a bad thing, and also, that <b>I wasn’t “wrong” to begin with</b>. Some things work, and some things don’t work for our children. And some things work for a while and then need to be changed. And that’s OK.</p><p id="4e9d">Parenting, while continuous, is flexible.</p><p id="ec93"><a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-successfully-wing-it-d39222a3d808">And we are all winging it.</a></p><h1 id="101b">Lowering Expectations Is Empowering</h1><p id="cde5">I have this constant need as the main caregiver to simply know what to do and get it right — especially after all the research I do on many aspects of parenting. But the thing is, it is only because of my own expectations that we get upset when things don’t work out. We paint a picture of how things will go, and when they don’t go our way, we self-criticise.</p><p id="3b33">Recently, I have been struggling to make the decision of whether to send our son to daycare. Because of the recent lockdowns, I feared that he wasn’t getting enough social stimulation and he needed to spend more time with other children. We decided to send him to a local nursery two mornings a week.</p><p id="fec8">But that wasn’t my only reason for wanting to send him there. I also needed more time to really step up my game as a writer, begin marketing myself and really work on my book.</p><p id="fa4a">But I’m tired of questioning myself, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-get-what-you-want-1973fd008ecb">since taking the road to self-care</a> in order to be a better mother and person, I decided that my reasons were as good as any to send Andriel to daycare at the age of 27 months.</p><p id="d466">It has only been a few weeks, and so far, he does not look forward to going there. I feel in fact he has become shier and clingier than usual. This makes me question once again whether what I am doing is right, and whether the caregivers at the centre are doing right by my son.</p><p id="93a8"><b>I’m ready to assign blame and judge because this is what we do as people growing up in today’s society.</b></p><div id="5778" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/learning-to-enjoy-motherhood-guilt-free-966e7fa38d58"> <div> <div> <h2>Learning To Enjoy Motherhood Guilt-Free</h2> <div><h3>undefined</h3></div> <div><p>undefined</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*o44YftcYVXjSo_va)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d0f8">But I have to remember that it will solve nothing. I need to readjust my expectations and remind myself that everything takes time and that obstacles are all part of the journey, including my son’s settling in time at daycare.</p><p id="1231">He will get there because he is a strong and sociable little boy. He will be fine because he will still have an abundance of love at home waiting for him when he gets back and throughout the rest of the week. But I cannot decide how and when he will be running happily into nursery in the mornings — that’s a picture I need to let go of, but treasure if it happens.</p><p id="b15a">Sometimes, it

Options

is our expectations that need change, not our circumstances. We have to be OK with hiccups in parenting. Rather, we need not see them as hiccups, but as part of the process of bringing up children. After all, we are only human.</p><h1 id="7806">Takeaway</h1><figure id="facf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*0ZLtDIAU40LQtOeo"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@drezart?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Andrae Ricketts</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="f3a0">I believe in a mother’s instinct, but I don’t believe in the expectation that it will be there when we need it. If that expectation isn’t met then we will be more than ready to assign blame, and it won’t help us grow as parents or as individuals. In fact, I think that the constant need to meet these expectations is what causes us to feel like a failure at some point in our lives.</p><p id="b5d4">Instead, I recommend a more supportive plan, where advice can be handed out without coming across as all-knowing and dismissive of the parent. We can learn not to feel offended at others’ suggestions in the same way that others can learn not to be judgemental. I advise that others do get involved in taking care of kids, in a non-judgemental “I-told-you-so” way when the main interest is that of the child — not of themselves.</p><p id="1680">Most importantly, we have to learn that <b>mistakes are normal</b>, and most of the time, they’re not life-threatening. We are all human after all, and that makes us susceptible to countless errors over the course of time. In modern parenting, most parents are learning not to scold their kids when they make mistakes because it’s detrimental to their confidence building. <i>We should take that same approach with ourselves and other adults.</i></p><p id="93d5">So, let’s cut ourselves a little slack, and lower that pressure to get it right. Nobody is born a parent with experience.</p><div id="2a67" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/redefining-the-concept-of-happiness-16e5524c2b2d"> <div> <div> <h2>Redefining the Concept of Happiness</h2> <div><h3>How I’m learning about fulfilment from my toddler son.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*6xDaJcMnjn9r6Bow)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="88c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-battle-with-anger-as-a-parent-24e7837c5fac"> <div> <div> <h2>My Battle With Anger As a Parent</h2> <div><h3>Ensuring our son feels loved regardless of our feelings.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Me4slkvdZGGCbsbjqQ_7bg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c95b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husband-is-a-damn-good-father-de20d1ef2217"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband Is A Damn Good Father</h2> <div><h3>And he deserves praise.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Oqw-YSI_IVOLn-k0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="7dcc"><b><i>Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. <a href="https://medium.com/@sylviaemokpae">See more work like this</a>.</i></b></p><p id="f728"><a href="https://twitter.com/SylviaEmokpae"><b>Follow her</b></a><b> on Twitter.</b></p></article></body>

7 Simple Steps to Keep Progressing with Your Exercise Program.

We are getting to the end of month 1 of the new calendar year. This is the time where enthusiasm around our exercise and healthy resolutions of the new year may start to diminish.

Fitness coach and author Dan John has a saying. I am paraphrasing, but essentially the thought is everything can work in a new exercise program, for about 4- 6 weeks. Then the real test begins because most programs are not sustainable.

Where we make progress in fitness programs is repeated activity over an extended period of time. Consistency and frequency of activity has been proven to be the most important ingredients in getting the benefits to more activity in your life.

I would step back a little bit to that. In my experience, consistency comes from building momentum. Momentum comes from small, incremental victories.

Small, incremental victories or positive steps include doing something today, then doing something tomorrow and the next day and so on.

The specific of what activity we perform is less important than doing something.

I think that is where many get bogged down.

New exercise program requires going to the gym and mapping out 90 minute workouts, meeting with a trainer and then doing it again 2–3 more times this week to make progress.

That is all well and good if that works for you.

However, is it sustainable? Will that allow you to build momentum?

Perhaps getting to the gym is a good start to the program. Guidance on doing the right things is very important, however, can you do that again tomorrow? Is it sustainable to do daily or 5–6 times per week?

Everything, and anything, can work, until it does not, until there is a change of plans or “traffic jam”.

unsplash.com Iwona Castiello d’Antonio @aquadrata

We are surrounded by lots of pressure, and we may not even realize it. Internet videos, mainstream media, social media etc. Pursuing the great, special diet. The big, hairy goal. The massive, life changing exercise program. Very little of it may be suitable for you.

One of the keys to staying balanced is to understand that in this day and age, it requires a conscious effort not to get sucked in. Not to get sucked into activities and expectations that are not in our best interests.

We all have our own health history, gym history, activity experience, work and family demands. Everyone is different.

Hence, no one can provide YOU a magic formula that is best for you. It is up to each of us to determine that.

For the last 25 years, I have had the challenge of managing all of the above. I have also had the great privilege of working with many who want to get on a better path to health and wellness. From what I have experienced and observed from my time in fitness, here are some of the simple steps to keep progressing with your exercise program.

1. Identify your WHY. WHY do you need to be more active? What would it mean to you to be less sore and have more energy? What would it mean to lose a few pounds? Would it be important for time with the kids at the end of the day? Would it make it easier to spend time with spouse? To be more patient, positive and focused?

Being more active is nice to say, but it has to mean something to us. For me, it means being stronger, healthier and having more energy for those in my life that I love, to do things with them, and be able to do it for longer. It means I have the patience and focus to make sure the main things in my life remain the main things. I want to be independent and active and strong to support my family. I want to be able to do the things I love to do without compromise. That is my WHY. I will let nothing take that away. What is your WHY?

2. Exercise refers to activity that requires physical effort. It is often random in nature, unless we change that.

Think about exercise as training towards getting stronger and healthier.

Having a goal or outcome is good, but for many the process can be the outcome. To have more energy in the tank than your activities require. Like an athlete, activity is tool to get better. With that sense of purpose, today’s activity may be more achievable.

3. Understand that what appears to work on the internet does not make it work best for each of us.

Also, what we could do in high school is not appropriate any more. What worked in your 20’s or 30’ or even 40’s will need to be adjusted as you add mileage to your body.

That is an important mind jump.

Especially for us guys.

We seem to think that we can just power through our old routine. Or go for that 3 hour hike or play in that tournament like we used to, without consequences. Does not work that way!

4. Consistent, daily effort rules.

It is the most important thing.

Even 10 minutes is better than 0. Often it does not take 90 minutes to make an impact. Daily movement is critical to keep our engine working well.

I just came back from a grueling business trip with meetings from 830pm to 6 pm daily.

I got my movement it on 2/4 days in the hotel gym and 2/4 days in the hotel room when I woke up.

10 minutes before shower as a first thing got me through the day. A simple plank, some pushups and lunges/mobility work and I was good.

On gym days, I did what worked.

I was tired so a nice leisurely stationary bike ride got me going.

On one day, I got 45 minutes in in between meetings.

5. Doing the right things. This is where you need to acquire some knowledge and experience on what works for you.

What makes you feel strong and energetic?

Is it going to the gym? Getting out of doors? Skiing? Walking? Working with bands?

There are common things that we should all be doing. We should be doing some core work daily. We should be doing some mobility work daily. We should be doing some strength training and metabolic work 2–4 times per week. Metabolic work is some sort of interval training. Strength training can be body weight, bands or any form of resistance. No, you don’t need to squat with a bar overhead. But doing something to strengthen your legs and upper body is critical.

6. Don’t burn the body out. Have enough in the tank to do something tomorrow. Don’t make the routine so complicated or time consuming that it is not sustainable. Build momentum by doing something today, and follow it up tomorrow and build on that.

7. Keep your daily routine simple. Here is an article with some recommendations on that:

3 Simple Things You Can Do To Get Stronger and Move Better!

If you are over 40, and don’t move much, this is for you!

medium.com

The body declines more with inactivity than from aging. Look it up. It’s true.

A daily routine that becomes like brushing your teeth (automatic) can make sure you stay strong and healthy for years to come.

Momentum is a beautiful thing. Find a way to build some for yourself.

You will be better for it. I know I am.

Greg Lawlor created athleticover40.com to assist all of us in the journey of staying strong and moving well.