7 Obvious Signs That You’re a Harmful Jackwagon

Be harmless, not a jerk who takes away birthdays.

Do you know someone who likes causing pain? One of those jackwagons who likes to tell the “truth” no matter how much it hurts?

Some people pride themselves on creating hard feelings, or worse. They don’t mind ruining someone’s day when they upset the applecart.

They push through crowds and jump lines to get in front. They yell and insult food servers. They make jack-asses out of themselves on airplanes and take pride in being rude.

These are the weakest people.

I strive to do the opposite. I want to be harmless. How about you?

I Used To Be a Jackwagon Too

I was a rude Canadian. I always stood out in a crowd of my polite peers by stopping anyone from butting in line in front of me, confronting anyone who got in my face, and being mean to co-workers who weren’t toeing the line.

I had a terrible bedside manner. Good thing I wasn’t a doctor.

I was arrogant and abrupt. It didn’t make me a lot of friends.

I didn’t get ahead at work. It turns out that being a team player is more important than I knew. If people don’t like you and trust you, you aren’t going to win hearts.

It Changed When I Saw The Pain in a Co-worker’s Eyes As I Bullied Him

I was a rotten perfectionist. They are the worst at work because they expect everyone else to be perfect too.

Rick wasn’t perfect. He was big, slow, and didn’t catch on to what we were supposed to be doing at this construction site. His work was sloppy.

That’s because he was still learning, still a “green” worker. But I judged him as a loser. So whenever he was around me, I was a rude jerk.

One day, he came over to help me with a task. I looked him in the eye and sent him packing. “I don’t need your help. You do shitty work. I want to get this right, and you’re gonna wreck it if you touch it. Go somewhere else.”

I told the truth as I saw it. I was “honest.” An honest jerk.

The look on Rick’s face showed me that I might as well have hit him right in the peaches with a hammer. I caused emotional harm.

I was a bully.

Are you a harmful Jackwagon? Here are 7 signs that maybe it’s time to change your ways.

1. You Think Telling Someone The Truth Is Always The Right Thing

The truth can hurt. It isn’t always the answer. “I’m just being honest” usually means “I’m just being mean.”

When I told Rick he wasn’t up to snuff, that was my judgment. That didn’t make it true, though. What right did I have to crush him like a bug against a windshield?

Some times when you should avoid telling “the truth”:

When a friend is really excited about a new idea or plan, but you think it’s not all that
When someone asks you if they look fat in this
When someone's voice or personality is annoying to you
When it will cause unnecessary emotional pain

When to always tell the truth:

To yourself
When your friend has something in their teeth, or something else embarrassing that you can help them fix before everyone sees it
When sharing constructive criticism that is intended actually to help the person and is in their best interests

2. You’re a Ruthless Perfectionist At Work

Do you pride yourself on doing a good job and think most other people aren’t as good at it as you are? Then you might be a jerk.

Sure. Work well done is something you can take pride in. But it’s still just a material thing, and stuff isn’t as important as people.

Look around at those you work with. The relationships matter more than the widgets you ake, the spreadsheets you fill with data, or the number of sales you clocked last month.

Become more of a perfectionist at improving your personal relationships. That’s where you will get the biggest payoffs.

3. You Don’t Consider What’s Going On In Other’s Lives Before You Judge Them

Some guy is standing in front of you in line at the store. He’s distracted, and he isn’t moving forward when it’s his turn. He’s holding you up and wasting at least 20 seconds of your busy day. You assume he’s a loser.

Frank didn’t get his documents back to you after multiple emails requesting them. You need those things signed ASAP to finish your report. You assume he’s a loser.

Susan seems to be having trouble in the parking lot — she’s backing out real slow, taking up the entire laneway and making you wait while she painfully jockeys back and forth like Austin Powers on a golf cart. You angrily assume she’s a loser.

What you didn’t know:

The slow guy in line is thinking about his father, who is in the hospital with a nasty disease, and there’s so much unfinished business with their relationship. And his mom is devastated.
Frank with the unsigned documents has 43 other documents in line before yours and he’s getting pushed hard, working overtime for free to catch up, all alone as he works from home — thanklessly burning the mid-day oil.
Susan’s baby is keeping her up all night, and she is just so tired, but she has to keep going. Aand she has a migraine like you wouldn’t believe.

If you’re all judgey without putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, then maybe you’re the loser.

4. You Have to Be Right No Matter What

Are you the kind of person that just has to win? You can’t let your friends have some of the pie too?

This kind of behavior is a sign of a fragile ego. And it makes you hard to work with, talk to, even be around.

The worst part about it is that most of the time, it doesn’t even matter who’s right. All that matters is one of the people is making a big jackwagon out of themselves, and that might be you.

Sometimes, you have two choices:

Be the bigger person

Be the smaller person.

A lot of people chose to be the smaller person. A loser who has to be right.

5. You Use Your Speakerphone in Public

No one around you wants to hear your conversation. The speakerphone is not for public areas. It doesn’t make you look cool like you think it does. It makes you look like a tool.

Don’t talk on the phone while in the checkout line, either. This treats the person behind the counter like an object instead of a human being.

Smarten up, you jerk! Stop doing this.

And if you’re out walking, don’t play your music out loud either. This inconsiderate, rude behavior is a sure sign of a jerk. You have your own music tastes that no one else shares. They don’t want your tunes. Ever.

6. You interrupt Everyone to Talk About Yourself Instead of Listening

If someone is telling their side, getting in their story, and you can’t wait to interrupt so you can tell your story, then you aren’t really listening.

It’s hard, I know. Especially when wordy Cathy keeps rambling about her stuff and won’t let you get in a word edgewise.

But what’s your endgame, anyway? Do you think that telling your story is going to make a huge impact? It might… But let’s consider these two scenarios.

Scenario A: You listen to everything Cathy has to say, and she appreciates your attention. she realizes deep down that you’re a friend, so she does things like remember your birthday and care that you exist. When that promotion at the office comes up and you are in the running, she is 100% behind you.

Scenario B: You interrupt Cathy a lot. She thinks you’re a jerk. Later, she talks behind your back. The rumors are a factor in why you aren’t even considered for promotion.

Yes. These things aren’t “fair.” But guess what? It actually works this way, so it hardly matters.

7. You’re Always Late, or You Cancel Plans All The Time

Are you the person that agrees to the plan to go out but always cancels with a lame excuse?

Do you always show up 20 minutes late when you had a coffee date with your friend?

This kind of behavior sends a clear signal. This person isn’t significant to you. If they were, you would make sure you showed them a little respect and showed up when you said you would.

This one is a deal-breaker for me. I don’t have time to waste on people who waste my time. Three strikes, you're out. Moving on to people who try a little harder.

The Bottom Line — Be Harmless

We should all try to do less harm in this world. Less harm to the environment, less harm to small woodland creatures, and less harm to other human beings.

Why not try to pull up your socks in any of these areas if you think you could use improvement?

Don’t use the “truth” as an excuse to be mean
Avoid being a perfectionist at the expense of being a nice person
Put yourself in other people’s shoes before you judge
Let others be “right”, especially when it really does’t matter anyway
Don’t use your speakerphone in public — you aren’t more important than those around you!
Try not to interrupt just to tell your way more important story
Show respect for others by showing up on time

Change your behaviors and you will shift your world experiences dramatically. I know how much of a difference it made in my life when I realized that my selfish focus was a big part of the problem.

Now that I’m more harmless, life is easier. Work is easier. Happiness comes easier.

Who wants to be known as a harmful jackwagon anyway?

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