7 Rules to successfully date a younger woman

Not just for big age gaps, plus a bonus 8th rule.

When I started researching this article I was looking specifically for age gap data, but these seven rules came up in one rather long post that I’ll break down into shorter bite sized pieces for you to read. I should also say, to me, this is simple common sense and applies both to age gap and non age gap, local or long distance relationships.

The Rules

1. Do not criticize her youth
2. Be calm
3. Be fun
4. Pay attention
5. Be romantic
6. Show her respect
7. Be a leader

I’ll go ahead and break down what they said and my take, whether I agree or not. As mentioned, a lot of this is common sense to me, but as I’ve said for years, common sense isn’t as common as it once was. I also believe there is some overlap in the rules, but we’ll go with these as they came from a popular dating advocacy site.

Do not criticize her youth

OK their take on this was basically don’t criticize her music, movie, fashion or even tv viewing habits. I just condensed 7 paragraphs into that one sentence, you’re welcome!

My take is regardless if she is younger, same age or even older, rarely does anything good come out of criticizing someone. Especially if you have a romantic interest in them. Unless they are ‘broken’ and get off on being talked down to, and that’s not someone you want to start a relationship with period.

Be calm

This one boiled down to ‘be calm and patient’ and don’t get into arguments.

It’s true that some men have anger issues and they need to work on that regardless of the woman’s age. But I feel those men likely struggle in life regardless. I always say that being calm and charming opens more doors than people realize.

They do make one good point though, and that is often with age comes wisdom, and use that wisdom to not argue with them over things that don’t matter, like what type of food you want to eat tonight. Instead be happy the two of you are enjoying each other’s company.

Be fun

Their take here was, be fun, smile a lot and dance if she wants to dance. Thankfully it only took them 4 paragraphs this time.

My take is that fun is often different from person to person.If you’re not one to smile, smiling certainly won’t hurt. But it’s been my experience, if you’re with a woman that you’re attracted to, even with minimal chemistry, the smiling is hard to stop.

As for the dancing, that depends on the man. Some men love to dance, some are terrified by it. It’s true that if you dance and you’re a terrible dancer that you may feel embarrassed, but you’ll have a great bonding story to share for decades. But if you’re not a dancer, don’t force it, that will have the opposite and negative effect. Instead, learn her likes, start off with ones you have in common and as trust builds, work your way up to something she likes that’s out of your comfort zone.

Pay attention

In this one they basically say listen when she talks.

That to me is a trite throw away saying that everyone with an opinion will likely tell you. The truth is anyone can listen, but very few actually hear. I call it the difference between listening and active listening.

Don’t just listen, hear. If she’s talking about something you don’t have an interest in but is important to her, mentally ask yourself a question or two around something she just said, this will keep you engaged.

Lastly on this point, remember this very important fact, might be the most important thing I say here. Everyone’s favorite topic is talking about themselves. So if you run out of things to say, ask her about herself and not yes or no questions, ask open questions that elicit thought on her part. For example. Don’t just ask “what are your dreams?”, something she’s heard a thousand times before, instead ask something like, “tell me about some childhood dreams that you still want to come true?”. It shows you’re genuinely interested and not just filling space and she’s now talking about her favorite topic. This thrusts you into the ‘great listener’ and wise role.

Be romantic

Sadly, what they wrote here was so far from accurate it’s hard to summarize. Basically you’re old enough to be romantic and do something romantic for her every day. Give her little daily gifts and treat her like a princess.

This is classic dating dogma that gets repeated over and over by talking heads in the media and in the blogosphere.

The truth is, and this may be controversial, men are the more romantic of the species. But many men are insecure and don’t have the confidence to act on this, but should.

If you do something romantic for her every day, you stand a good chance of coming across as needy and it will lose value. Absolutely be romantic but not on a schedule. Women are drawn to the mystery of the man, being predictable is an attraction killer.

Show her respect

In this one they really didn’t put much in there other than to say if your younger love interest wants to start a business or go back to school, you should help her

Again, to me this is just common sense, we are older and hopefully have wisdom to share. I don’t believe they meant financially to help them and that can be a hot potato item, because at some point helping her financially may simply be the right thing to do. But don’t use your wealth to win her over, that will not end well.

Be a leader

This one drives me crazy, both in their article and the multitude of dating gurus and blogs. They basically said, be a leader..

The truth is leadership is different to many. Some men are natural leaders, some can learn and others simply don’t get it. Leadership is not the correct word or term here. A lot of dating gurus, especially with international dating dress it up as being a “man of action”. That is more accurate.

In its simplest form, women want a man who can make a decision, if that means you’re a leader, great, if not, that’s fine too. Let me give you two examples that hopefully better illustrate this.

If you and your woman are going out to dinner and you say “where do you want to eat?” and she says “I don’t know, where do you want to eat?” and it goes back and forth. This may seem innocuous but in reality, it’s an attraction killer because it shows you’re not confident enough to make a decision.

Or, lets say, you work in a job you hate for a boss that’s hard to deal with. Instead of complaining to her over and over, do something about it and take action. Beit getting a promotion or moving to another department, or changing companies completely. It’s OK to tell her your boss is a dud, but use your age and wisdom to do the right thing and then tell her what you did after the fact, aka, man of action.

As a thank you for reading this far, I’ll give you my number one rule as a bonus.

Be yourself — bonus rule

What does that mean exactly? Simply put, women often seem to have an extra sense, they can tell if you’re being genuine or incongruent with the person they are seeing. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not, heck, if a woman that is much younger than you is genuinely interested in you, it is because of YOU as you are, no need to change and try and act younger.

Certainly don’t start dressing younger than your normal style, don’t start getting your groove on with her music, be yourself. If she likes K-pop and you like podcasts, keep listening to your podcast and let her enjoy her K-pop, it will actually give you more to talk about.

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