Change Your Mind, Change Your Life.

7 Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

#1: Love bombing

It can be hard to see the red flags if you keep overlooking them.

I know you’ve been there — You fall head over heels in love with someone who you think is perfect, so perfect that you keep ignoring the red flags.

You look up to your family and friends even though they keep showing you red flags and warning signs. You think the way they treat you is normal until you realize they’re just taking advantage of you, making you feel like you’re not good enough.

These types of relationships are not healthy or normal.

It’s important to pay attention to these red flags in personal relationships, no matter how much you care about someone.

It doesn’t matter how many years you’ve known them, you can always cut them off and find a healthier relationship that gives you exactly what you want: respect, trust, and unconditional love.

Ignoring them can lead to lots of heartache and pain in the end.

Red Flag #1: Love bombing.

Definition of love bombing: “Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection”

There is something very wrong with showing so much affection, gifts, and compliments in the early stages of a relationship or simply when you’re dating someone for the first time.

I’ve been there before when I was very naive. It made me feel special, but honestly? It’s just a sign of someone trying to gain control over you.

Psychologist Dr. Diane Vaughn said, “Lovebombing can create a false sense of intimacy and cloud your judgment. It’s essential to take a step back and evaluate if it’s genuine or manipulative.”

People who love bombing you will say alarming things such as, “We will be together forever, right?” and “Promise me you will never leave me, okay?”

This is wrong and very controlling. You can’t tell people to stay in their life forever, it’s irrational. They think with emotions and manipulations. If it doesn’t work out, then it’s better to let go and start a new chapter in life.

As a woman myself, I oftentimes block or ignore guys who give me compliments as the first thing because I know what the true intention is, and unwanted attention is just… uncomfortable.

You don’t know me, I don’t know you.

Here’s an example.

• This man or woman is showering you with lots of gifts, love notes, and constant attention, but it feels overwhelming for you. You want to take it easy but this whole situation goes too fast for you. It makes you feel comfortable thinking, “But I don’t know this person that much, yet.”

Red Flag #2: Being a Control Freak.

Being or living with someone who is a control freak makes you mentally, physically, and emotionally sick. I feel sick every time I can’t choose my own option because someone said so.

This doesn’t just go for relationships, but with family and friends, too.

Good people who truly love you? They give you space to be yourself. They will never force you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. They don’t get mad when you say no. They respect your boundaries and choices.

Because they love you.

These are your people. These people exist, so why are you settling down for someone who doesn’t allow you to be yourself when there are so many people out there who will love you for who you are?

It’s hard to say no to someone because you’re afraid of them but it feels so much better when you say no and let them have a tantrum while you walk away. You won, they didn’t.

Here’s an example.

• The person wants you to do something for them, and you say “No, I don’t wanna do that” This person doesn’t take a no for an answer and will continue to sell their option to you until you say yes. If you keep saying no, they get angry and mad. Because their tactics didn’t work and they couldn’t deal with the rejection.

Red Flag #3: Gaslighting.

When someone gaslights you, it means they are using strategies that make you doubt your own reality or sanity. It’s a very serious red flag you should look out for because this can make you go mentally insane thinking: “What is wrong with me?”

Dude, there is nothing wrong with you. You’re being manipulated and brainwashed negatively by the toxic person.

Insane people try to make people go insane.

Dr. Robin Stern, an expert on gaslighting, explains: “Gaslighting can erode your self-esteem and make you question your own judgment. It’s essential to recognize it early on.”

I’ve been gaslighted before and it makes me feel sick, thinking “Is there something wrong with me?” But my inner voice always said, “There is nothing wrong with you. You’re just being gaslighted.”

Here’s an example.

• The person denies things they’ve said or done, making you question your memory and sanity. The person will say something like, “Wow, I can’t believe you would think like that, you should be ashamed of yourself. I have more experience than you. I know better than you think.”

Red Flag #4: You Always Feel Bad Being Around Them.

You know you’re with the right person or people when you feel good being around them. If you constantly feel unhappy, anxious, or emotionally drained out when you’re with someone, it’s a significant red flag.

Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” — Your feelings are telling you something important.

Here’s an example.

• Every conversation you have with your family, friends, or partner leaves you feeling sad, anxious, or upset, even if you don’t know why at the moment. Later on, you realize it’s the hurtful things they say to you and how you don’t have the space to be yourself, and that you have no choice but to do what they tell you to do. You can also sense their bad energy, making you have negative emotions around them.

Red Flag #5: High-Quality Person vs. Low-Quality Person.

High-quality people (confident) value your well-being, respect your boundaries, and treat you with kindness and empathy. They have their own goals and dreams to achieve and appreciate you for being a gift in their life. They even don’t get mad at you for not answering in one hour.

The reason why high-quality people are like this is because they have worked on themselves. They are down-to-earth and easy to hang around with. They respect your mental health struggle while also challenging you to become a better version of yourself.

Low-quality people, on the other hand, are very insecure and may disregard your feelings, manipulate, or mistreat you. They don’t appreciate having you in their life. They get easily jealous when you do better than them.

They confront you easily if you don’t even reply to them after one hour. It makes you feel very uncomfortable that they can be so confronting in this way.

Choose your inner circle wisely.

Here’s an example.

• A high-quality person supports your dreams and goals, while a low-quality person constantly belittles your goals saying they’re not “realistic” — I even notice miserable parents get bitter when they see single people living their best lives traveling around the world and being successful without having kids.

Red Flag #6: Gets Angry When You Set Boundaries.

You say, “No, thanks, I don’t want to do that.” — And they respond: “Why not, you have to do it, or else you’re just ungrateful.” — This is a big red flag.

Setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary part of your own mental health. If your loved ones become angry or hostile when you express your needs and boundaries, take it as a serious warning sign. Some can be insane enough to physically attack you (they have a serious problem)

It’s similar to peer pressure except you feel pressured by one person (or maybe more) It doesn’t matter if it’s your family, you can still cut them off because it’s better to be alone than to have a toxic family who doesn’t respect you.

Here’s an example.

• You have a toxic family where they pressure you into coming with them to visit your mother/father’s side of the family. You don’t like that family and you refuse to go with them. This makes your own family disappointed and sad. You become the black sheep in the family, but you just know that whenever you don’t say no, you feel disappointed in yourself. You feel like you don’t have space to be yourself, and that makes you emotionally sick. But when you say no, you feel proud of yourself and you care less what your family thinks of you.

Red Flag #7: Can’t Have an Emotional Intellectual Conversation.

Having a healthy relationship involves open and meaningful conversations about emotions, values, and ideas. If your loved ones consistently avoid and dismiss these discussions, it’s a red flag.

Don’t ever settle down for people who don’t listen or pretend they didn’t hear what you say. Don’t settle down for people who avoid meaningful and hard conversations with you.

It just means they lack emotional intelligence.

Best-selling author Brene Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel safe with someone, it’s not a true connection.”

Here’s an example.

• I have had moments when I was getting to know a person out in the world, I would say something simple and they act like they didn’t hear what I said, even though they stand next to me. Then they say something simple to me seconds later. To me, this is disrespect. I don’t know why some do it but I take it as a red flag.

The Final Thoughts.

It’s important to trust your instincts and recognize these seven red flags:

Love bombing, being a control freak, gaslighting, feeling consistently bad around someone, settling down for high-quality people, not low-quality people, the reactions from having set boundaries, and the ability to engage in an emotional and intellectual conversation with respect.

Ignoring these warning signs can harm your well-being.

Remember, your happiness and well-being should always be a top priority.

Surround yourself with people who respect and uplift you. Trust in your own judgment, seek support when needed, and never ignore these red flags.

It’s OK that you have high standards.

If you settle down for lower standards, these are the type of people you will have in your life. You deserve the best of the best.

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