Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of parents setting a positive example for their children through their actions and behaviors.

Abstract

The author, reflecting on nearly two years of parenting, underscores the critical role parents play in shaping their children's development by serving as role models. The article outlines seven questions that children should never feel compelled to ask, as these questions would indicate a failure in parenting. These questions touch on issues such as the lack of quality time with parents, witnessing domestic violence, experiencing or observing abuse, inconsistency between parental advice and actions, parental hypocrisy regarding personal enjoyment and career choices, exposure to discrimination, and neglecting healthy habits. The author advises parents to prioritize family time, maintain strong relationships with their own parents, avoid domestic violence and abuse, practice what they preach regarding screen time, encourage children to pursue their passions, foster an appreciation for diversity, and maintain healthy habits. By doing so, parents can teach their children valuable life lessons and ensure they grow up in a nurturing environment.

Opinions

Parents should balance their professional responsibilities with family time to avoid children feeling neglected.
It is crucial for children to have grandparents involved in their lives, and parents should support their elderly family members.
Domestic violence and child abuse have a profoundly negative impact on a child's psychology and should be avoided at all costs.
Parents must lead by example when it comes to screen time and the use of technology.
Children should be encouraged to follow their dreams rather than conforming to societal norms or their parents' unfulfilled aspirations.
Teaching children to embrace diversity and reject discrimination is a parental responsibility.
Parents can learn from their children and should strive to maintain healthy habits, which are often forgotten in adulthood.
The author believes that the future well-being of children is directly influenced by the examples set by their parents.

7 Questions Your Kids Should Never Need to Ask

Coz you won’t have an answer, and it won’t feel too good

Having been a parent for close to 2 years now, I sometimes wonder at the innocence of children and how EVERYTHING that they learn is largely based on what we teach them or what they see every day at home.

The biggest responsibility most of us will ever have is raising our children right. The things that they learn in the formative years of their life, usually have a huge role to play in what they grow up to be.

So I asked myself how I can be the best father I could possibly be, and what are the things I’d never want my child to go through or have to wonder. Here are some simple and some complex things I don’t want my son to ever need to ask.

Why are you always so busy and never have enough time for me?

We tell ourselves that we’re constantly working and trying to earn a better life for ourselves and our children. And in that pursuit, we forget to give enough time to the ones that matter.

Make a conscious effort to ensure you know where to draw the line and balance your priorities. Most of us list family as our top priority above work/career/other things, but do we really put it into practice?

The biggest thing your kids need is your love, time, and attention. The time you miss their big performance at school won’t be made up by the little toy that you buy them after to make up for it. Kids aren’t born materialistic, we train them up to be so.

When I grow up, will you also leave me and go live in an old age home like grandpa and grandma?

Kids are extremely impressionable. They learn what they see. Your relationship with your parents is what will seem like the norm to them for what it will be like when they grow up.

Let them have the time, care, and love of their grandparents. Take vacations to see them often. Support them if they need your help — they did it for you when you needed them growing up.

Unless there is an absolute need and it actually is for their own betterment, don’t let your parents spend their old age in an elder care facility. I am sure that’s not what you hope for your own future.

Daddy, you say you love mommy, then why do you always argue with her and beat her?

This one is a lot more serious than some of the others. The impact on a child’s psychology growing up in a house with domestic violence is just horrible.

Don’t let your child go through it. There is nothing that can justify such behavior and you should neither indulge in it nor be a silent victim to it. These are things that will leave your child scarred for life, and change their future in ways you cannot imagine.

What’s equally bad or worse is probably child abuse. Just because you gave birth to them, doesn’t mean you have any right to hurt them. Don’t let yourself justify hitting a child even to the slightest extent, as any form of punishment. No behavior can warrant such an inhumane thing, and most of their actions are usually a result of your upbringing. Address the cause, not the symptom.

I am only allowed 30 mins of screen-time, but why are you always on your phone?

Sounds familiar? We all set limits and boundaries for our kids on what’s good and what’s not, but we fail to practice what we preach. It is hard for a young kid to follow rules that seem to be different for the adults than the kids.

When you’re spending those few hours of your day with your kids, try as much as you can to stay away from your phone — that client won’t get angry if you replied to an email an hour later, and your Facebook won’t disappear if you didn’t check your notifications.

Will I also have to grow up and do something every day that I don’t enjoy?

Our kids watch us go to work every day and often want to grow up to be like their parents. Don’t be stuck doing something you don’t enjoy, or find a way to not let it show in your behavior.

Teach your kids to pursue their dreams and not be guided by the dreams you saw for them, or the norms of the society. Let them dream big and chase those dreams, and let them learn for themselves what they can achieve and what they can’t. But don’t let them learn without trying.

Try to figure out what they most enjoy and help them work towards it. Don’t sign them up for piano lessons if it’s dance that they enjoy. Don’t force them into the painting class, if it’s martial arts they’d rather indulge in. Don’t force your own shortcomings and childhood dreams on them.

Those people that live across the street, why did mommy tell me not to talk to them?

Sensitize your children to the diversity of this world. Teach them why and how this world is formed of different individuals from different races, ethnicities, colors, castes, cultures, religions, nationalities, genders, orientations.

Teach them to embrace diversity and learn from each other on the beauty of each of these differences. Don’t be the ones who teach them to discriminate and differentiate. Don’t be the ones who let the nanny change their diapers and make their food, but isn’t allowed to hug them.

Don’t be the ones who tell them that the Asian guy at the store isn’t one of you and that they shouldn’t talk to people who look or talk differently than them.

Children are innocent and only know how to love, don’t teach them how to hate.

Why do I have to play outdoors, eat vegetables, sleep early? I want to be like you instead.

Why do we forget what we loved as kids? The park outside and playing with our other friends. How fruits and vegetables are good for us and we should eat some every day.

Why early to bed and early to rise makes you healthy, wealthy, and wise. Of course, our lives are now busier and it’s hard to keep up with the good childhood habits. But try and follow some of the routines of your children, and you will see the drastic improvements in your own lives.

It’s not always the children that should learn from the adults, you’d be surprised how much we can learn from the children. The lessons we learn as kids are probably the wisest ones, but we fail to remember them for our adult lives!

So be the person you want your kid to grow up to be, and set a good example for them. Their future is in your hands, and it isn’t a responsibility you should take lightly!