An Unexpected And Powerful Lesson I Learned in 2021 Through Travel

Reflecting On Life Through The Art Of Travel

Travel is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of life’s greatest teachers. It allows you to learn some of life’s most valuable lessons that no college degree can teach. And it can do that in many ways. You get to learn because traveling constantly pulls you out of your comfort zone and introduces you to the unknown. It shows you that life is like art, it does not have to be celebrated just in the way you were taught growing up. Additionally, it can also help you develop some virtues such as appreciation of experiences over things, patience, humility, and love for yourself.

2021 was no different for me when it comes to how many incredibly life-changing lessons I learned through travel. I got to know who I am a lot more, and it helped me see things differently for 2022.

Traveling has always positively impacted my life, but after such a difficult time I went through during the pandemic, I believe that its power and impact increased in a way I can’t put into words.

This is how I choose to grow. I want to do it mainly through traveling. I want to allow traveling to teach me and to show me what I should be next and who I should become. It has not failed ever since I started.

So, allow me to share with you one of the greatest lessons I learned in 2021 through travel. This is one of the most unexpected lessons I think traveling could have taught me.

-I don’t want to have kids

For those of you who don’t know me, my latest international experience was the one that I got to live in the United States as an international exchange student for two and a half years. I did that through a Department of State-regulated program called the Au Pair Program. The Au Pair program is an international cultural exchange that gives young people the possibility to spend some time abroad, learn more about a different culture, improve their foreign language skills in exchange for help with duties related to childcare. The term “au pair” from French means “on equal terms”, meaning that Au Pair and Host Family treat each other as equals. An Au Pair will take care of the children in exchange for accommodation and pocket money. An Au Pair can only extend their stay up to two years, however, I ended up being able to stay in the U.S. for two years and seven months because of the 2020 Coronavirus pandemic. In 2020, the government allowed Au Pairs, who were still in the U.S. and finishing their terms, to extend with their current host families or a new one since there was a travel ban and new applicants weren’t allowed into the country.

I had an amazing time. Though during the pandemic I lived in hell, I can say that my overall experience was remarkable. And I did not only have the chance to live incredible moments in the U.S., but I was also able to get so close to the kids and the family, in a way that allowed me to reflect a lot on what family is and what family should be.

Of course, by living with my parents before this experience, I was able to do that too. But being away from my home country and family members, I was able to reconsider a few things that society harshly imposes on us.

Going to college, buying a house, getting married, having kids, buying a car, and working non-stop just to be able to buy more and more stuff seem to be exactly what we intend to do with our lives. And if you don’t pay attention to the choices you make in your 20’s, you will realize that everything you’re doing will lead you exactly to the place where you’re married and with kids.

But I’ve been traveling for many years now, and I’ve learned that life is way bigger than just that. I am meant for more than just finding someone to marry to and having kids. But, even though I’ve learned that I want to do more than just that, I have to say that this is far from being the greatest reason why I decided I don’t want to have kids.

In 2020 all of my plans were put on hold because of the Covid-19 pandemic. All of them. All of my plans had to be paused, and so many of them had to be canceled because I would not be able to do anything because of Covid. And because I was living in a house working as a babysitter, I realized one thing: The parents had to hire someone so that their kids could do what they were supposed to do while they could focus on work. The parents had to hire me so that they could sleep in a little longer on a Saturday or Sunday morning. The parents had to hire me so that they could go out on a date on a Sunday evening. The parents had to hire me so that they could go on a work trip or even on vacation without the kids. The parents had to hire me so that they could just focus on work and not have to worry if their kids are being fed or not. In other words, the parents could only do some very basic things of life because they were privileged enough to hire a babysitter to take care of their kids while they go about their lives. If I had not been there, they would not have been able to do any of that. They would not have gone on that trip, or they would not have spent the day in the city. The same applied to my parents, however, in my family, because my parents grew up poor in the favelas of Brazil, they did not have the privilege that my host family had when they first had kids.

What happened was that my mom and my dad had to sacrifice a lot of their plans as individuals because they had to raise kids. My mom had to give up on college so that she could have me. She had to focus on making money over pursuing her dreams because she no longer had only herself to feed. My parents had to give up on so much because they became parents. And though my host family had privileges over my family in Brazil, I know that they also had to give up on a lot because they have kids. I’m definitely sure that they also had to prevent themselves from doing so much because they became parents. And this is a reality we do not get to talk about when we talk about becoming parents.

I want to be clear that this does not mean that I think that both my host parents and my biological parents did something wrong when they hired a babysitter to look after their kids when they were at work or when they needed to do anything else. What I am trying to do is to illustrate how much work it is to be a parent, and how hard it is to balance your personal life and the things you need to do with the fact you’re a parent.

People don’t realize how much sacrifice, and effort their parents had to make so that they could provide their kids the minimum in life, and sacrifices that prevented them from doing simple things of life too. And sometimes what pisses me off the most is that we were taught to romanticize all of that as if this lifestyle worked for everybody.

I don’t want you to think that I think having a family of your own is something bad. Trust me, I love mine, and I love my host kids and host parents so much. But I have to admit that I am not ready to have kids now, and I don’t think I will be any time soon. And more than that, I don’t think I want to be ready any day. I don’t. I don’t want to change my mind. I don’t want to have to sacrifice my dreams because I have kids to take care of.

A kid is not like a thing you buy. If you buy a shirt that you’ve always wanted to have, but for some reason, you end up not liking it, you can simply give it back or exchange it. A child is not like a shirt you don’t like. It is a living thing that deserves love and care. You can’t just get rid of your kids. They are yours forever. And whether you get used to the fact you’re a parent or not, there’s simply nothing you can do. You have to keep them.

And I am so sorry to say that, but this scares the shit out of me. Imagine me having to stay home when I knew I wanted to go out. Imagine having to sacrifice my dreams and plans because I have someone else to look after. I don’t want that. I am my biggest priority, and I have some long-term goals that cannot be paused or canceled because I have little ones running around calling me “daddy”.

But don’t get me wrong. I love kids. This is why I love working with them. I worked in a summer camp for 3 years as a camp counselor, and I worked in the U.S. as an Au Pair. I also volunteered at church, and got to work as a teacher for so many years. If you see me with my niece, or with any other kid, you will notice how well I get along with them. They love having me around and I love being around them. But I know that they are not mine and that I have zero responsibilities with them.

I’m not a scientist. I’m not a researcher. But I’m a traveler, and I love meeting people. And one thing I can affirm with no fear is that the more parents I meet, the more I hear that sometimes they regret having kids. They love their little ones, and they somehow find joy in being a parent, but so many of them admit that it wasn’t the best thing that happened to them. They mention how much they had to give up on their dreams because of their kids.

Of course, the more money you have the easier it can be for you to focus on yourself. You can just hire a babysitter to stay full-time with your kids. But this is not what I’d want if I had kids. If I had kids, I wouldn’t live life as if I were still single. I would not neglect my kids to the point they end up being raised by their nannies and not by their parents. So, since I know that I enjoy being single so much, I would rather be single and free, and not have to commit myself to the idea I’d have kids one day. The idea of having kids makes me feel uncomfortable.

And this lesson that I got to learn about myself, I was only able to learn through my cultural exchange experience, which was a travel experience.

Don’t forget to follow me on Medium so you get notified when I publish my inspiring travel stories.