My Hollywood dreams didn’t quite work out.

I came to LA a few years ago hoping I’d get lucky, I saw it as a way out of my miserable life. Thinking back now, what an idiot I was. Still, no regrets though. Because I had such a blast in acting classes, trying things I never get to in real life.

Just trust and let go

The most important lesson of all. I studied in 5–6 different acting schools and they all emphasized one universal concept — remove self-doubt.

One of the schools didn’t even allow rehearsals, they gave scripts at the beginning of class and told us to perform the scenes right away. The key was to not think and throw ourselves out there without preparation — knowing we’ll be fine or even thrive.

It was terrifying at first, but exciting at the same time. The more I did it the more faith I started having.

Mel Robbins’ 5-second rule suggests to count down to five seconds whenever we are afraid to do something. 5,4,3,2,1, on the last second, do it. The psychology behind it is to make a move before the brain gets a chance to generate anxiety.

It reminded me of a time when we went cliff jumping in college. The guy who bought us there was crazy, the second we climbed to the top of the cliff he ran and jumped off like he couldn’t wait another second. My roommate just sat there, looking and thinking. I think he was measuring the height of the cliff and the risk. Of course, he didn't end up jumping.

It’s important to let go of our mental preparation and act. Start a business? Type up your resignation letter. Approach a girl/guy we like? Start walking over. Move to a different state? Get online and start searching for houses.

Just jump in, regardless of the uncertainties ahead.

Live in the moment

We did concentration exercises to plant ourselves in the here and now. It saved me, I suffered from overthinking, constantly worrying about the future, regretting the past.

I realized to get the most out of life, I need to be present. Be willing to deal with whatever is in front of me, my bills, my loneliness, my failing career— instead of drifting off to the rockstar life I fantasize about. Be grateful for what I currently have — instead of holding on to memories of how poorly people treated me from the past.

Life passes by too fast, wake up, and live.

Be spontaneous

Many classes focused on improv — spontaneous improvisation. In theater plays where there are no redos, it’s the only choice. If I forgot my lines or messed up on a scene, instead of stopping, I would act like it’s done on purpose and keep going or make things up.

It’s not about being perfect, it’s about going with whatever the moment is, whatever the world is giving us.

A few years ago, I hated the place I lived in, so I found a single room, I loved it — then my girlfriend moved in and the landlord didn’t allow it — so we found an entire house to rent, we didn’t know how we were going to make rent — so I found renters, they didn’t work out — so I opened it for Airbnb — Airbnb died due to the pandemic — so I went back to long term rental. And whatever happens next, I’m ready for it.

It’s the same in life, I always try to control everything. When I make mistakes I dwell on it, when I face an obstacle I get stuck, when I get unlucky I can’t get past it. And improv taught me the importance of keep going because life moves on.

Go all out

A strange thing happened on my first day at a new school. I did a read and it went great and people were surprised because I seemed reserved. In the next 4 classes, I reverted back to being shy. Maybe the expectation got to me.

I realized the people who landed the roles never held back in auditions. People wanted to see the actor going for something.

And it made me feel like I haven’t gone all out the things I wanted in life, I just went through the motions and settled for mediocre. To this day, I’m still struggling with this but I’m at least aware of it.

Be naked

We all had this problem, afraid to strip down and reveal our true selves.

We did a lot of silly exercises in class like pretending to be mentally ill. One time the instructor wanted me to dance, it wasn’t in the script, and I refused to do it initially. But the whole point of all of the exercises was to get us out of our shells to optimize our performance.

Sometimes we had to get very deep emotionally and show our most vulnerable sides in front of an audience. I felt shameful after performing, and I would scan people’s faces to figure out what they thought of me. In my head, I was thinking “fuck, they probably think I’m a dumb loser”.

It taught me this indirectly, I can’t keep hiding. I always put on a front, I wanted people to see me as sophisticated, tough, a leader. I kept a distance from them because I was afraid of being exposed.

The more we hide the more ashamed we are of ourselves.

I didn’t really know myself

One time we had to reintroduce ourselves in front of the class. First, make deep, prolonged eye contact with each classmate, then say something along the lines of “Hi, my name is XYZ, and it’s nice to meet you.” to each classmate one by one.

And it was so damn hard for some reason. I struggled again and again and I realized I wasn’t as confident as I thought. These deep connections made me extremely uncomfortable.

It’s difficult to truly know what we believe about ourselves until we face intense fear. We only know it on a subconscious level, the only way to find out is by looking at our surroundings. Do we have an abundance of everything? Or are we in dysfunctional relationships, shitty jobs, and lacking financially?

Most of us aren’t what we think we are.

Have fun

Take the business aspect aside, acting was fun, we got to create. It hit me that so many people do fun things as a living, I have no reason to be a slave to soul-sucking jobs for a little bit of money. I told myself I’ll never work a regular job again in my life and I have not had a job for almost 3 years now.

Writers get to create. No matter how stressful or how much work it requires, it’s supposed to be fun.

Art comes from life, life comes from art.