7 Habits of Highly Insecure People
Feelings of insecurity are unhealthy and can ruin your life
You’ve probably been around a person who jumps at you with statements like: “I can’t do this,” “I’m afraid I’ll fail,” or “I don’t think I have what it takes to be successful at something.”
Those are self-defeating thoughts and can interfere with their lives. What’s more, their feelings of uncertainty about themselves can project unto you and affect your life too.
Insecure people often get depressed and seek encouragement from others. It can be challenging to be in relationships with them as you always have to bring them out of their feelings of “lowness,” push them ahead and inspire them.
Here are seven traits of insecure people.
They make others unhappy
According to Alfred Adler, a Viennese psychoanalyst, insecure people have an inferiority complex. They feel low and doubt their abilities.
The only way insecure people can make themselves happy is by making others unhappy. Their insecurity serves as a defense mechanism that protects their ego.
By bringing other people down, they can achieve psychological relief and raise their self-esteem.
For example, they may pass judgment on you and point out your flaws to you. They may say something about your skills and question your level of competence.
They criticize others for their own mistakes
You’ve seen a person who’s failed in something and went on to blame other people for their mistakes.
For instance, if they don’t do a good job, they attribute it to external circumstances or people around them. They have a hard time accepting their flaws.
That’s one of the defense mechanisms they adapt as human beings. Because in their minds, they feel that if they shift the blame on others, they can feel better about themselves.
However, shifting the blame is not healthy and will make them feel worse in the end. It may provide temporary short-term relief, but it won’t fix the problem for them in the long-term.
For instance, if a person is insecure about his or her looks — they think they carry extra pounds that make him or her unattractive or their skin isn’t young and glowing. They may project their feelings of themselves to others by picking on their looks or fitness level.
They cater to other people
Insecure people don’t state their views and opinions with conviction. They are afraid to speak their minds. They also have a hard time saying no when they need to without feeling bad about it.
They also base their lives around other people’s expectations and not their own. They will often try to fit the mold of other people and cater to their wishes and desires.
For example, insecure people may have trouble refusing someone’s request to do something or to say no to a project they can’t handle. The reason is they are afraid other people won’t respect them and look down on them.
Not having the courage to say no to people can have devastating effects on their lives. It can ultimately leave them feeling stressed and burned out.
The way to help an insecure person get out of this mindset is to encourage them to put themselves first. They have to recognize that their lives revolve around their desires and expectations. Learning to say no will help them set the limits for themselves.
They hesitate to make decisions on their own
Asking about someone’s advice and opinion isn’t bad and won’t hurt you. But basing your decisions solely on other people’s views and opinions will take away your individuality.
But, you’re the one who knows better than anyone else what’s good for you. So you shouldn’t assume other people know you better than you do.
Making other people be part of your decision-making process will not put control in your hands. If you rely on other people more than yourself, it won’t help you become better at making decisions yourself. It will make you dependent on others to make the decisions for you.
They seek approval from others
Insecure people base their feelings about themselves on the opinion of others. That’s because they are not confident enough in themselves.
For example, people who are insecure about their looks will look for people to tell them how attractive they are. A woman may doubt her looks or her style and look for compliments from others to assure her of her beauty. A man may doubt his sexuality or masculinity, which may push him to cheat with a woman who can admire his manhood.
That’s how couples cheat on each other — to give them that confidence boost from someone else about how special they are.
They brag about themselves
I cannot count how many times I’ve come across snobby people. I couldn’t help but wonder why they are like that. They’re convinced the only way they can prove their self-worth is by putting others down.
I’ve heard them say something like: “I’m one of the best players in the world and you can’t level up with me.”
I always thought their behavior is rooted in poor upbringing and social causes. But psychologically speaking, snobs aren’t snobs by choice. They are snobs because deep inside they are insecure about themselves, which they mask in the form of bragging.
A person may brag about his or her abilities, or how cool they are compared to others. What they’re doing is trying to lift themselves to avoid feeling any less than others. They may also boast about their possessions — their cool car or clothing.
People with a narcissistic personality disorder may present a pattern of insecurity, as neuropsychologist Rhonda Q. Freeman, Ph.D. pointed out. Those individuals will constantly seek to raise their accomplishments as a way of hiding their insecurities.
They think they are always right
Have you ever had a conversation with a friend or colleague where you felt like they stepped on you? They tried so hard to prove themselves right that you felt your opinion doesn’t matter anymore? And you felt stupid compared to them?
That’s because insecure people always try to prove how right they are and how wrong other people are. If you're talking to them and you tell them how good a movie you saw or a book you’ve read was, they’ll seek to find flaws and prove you wrong. That’s because insecure people have a hard time accepting other people’s points of view.
Again, they are putting their opinion above others as a way to hide their insecurity and prove to themselves how smart they are in comparison to others.
Final Thoughts
If you learn to identify areas where your insecurities lie, you can work on eliminating them. It’s a process and will take some work. But in the end, you’ll feel much more confident about yourself and have a better quality of life.
Also, knowing the traits of insecure people will help you put a shield around yourself and not allow their insecurities project onto you and affect your life.






