7 Great Reasons To Keep Using Dating Apps Right After A Breakup
7 realizations.
When you are going through a breakup that was not amicable or come out of a toxic relationship, experts recommend taking time to heal and focus on yourself over finding a new partner.
I took the advice, but I went on Tinder anyway. I am still single, but I don’t regret going on dating apps straight away, and here is why:
1. It can give you a confidence boost
Especially when you come out of an abusive relationship your confidence and self-esteem can be very low and you might feel like you will never find someone again or no one will like you for who you are. Tinder will prove you wrong.
If you are open and honest about your relationship status and what you are looking for, I believe there is nothing wrong with discovering your own worth through the likes and messages on dating apps.
2. You get to exchange experiences
Everyone has their own interesting backgrounds, unique experiences, and might have even gone through similar situations to your own. Talking to other people about their stories, their dating experiences, their own failed and successful relationships can help you learn a lot about people, behaviors, and relationships.
Additionally, sharing your own experience with a stranger who does not know you or your ex can help you process everything and move on.
3. It can motivate you to look after yourself
I wasn’t happy with myself during my relationship. I was overweight, had bad skin, and bit my nails excessively. When he broke up, it felt a little like I went into self-destruct mode: I started smoking again and didn’t eat properly — I struggled with the concept of looking after myself because it was something my ex had tried to control.
Just the prospect of having to go on dates again, motivated me to look after myself and my body again. Not for him, not for anyone, but for me. I wanted to be able to show everyone the me that I truly wanted to be.
4. You figure out what you want, and what you don’t
If you are experienced with dating, you might already have a good idea of what you are looking for in a partner and what you don’t want.
I was confused: The man I thought I would marry one day had turned out to be everything I didn’t want in a relationship. Especially if you come out of a long term relationship, it can be beneficial to get to know different people to figure out yours “musts” and “nice-to-haves”.
5. You might find someone
Who knows what the future holds for anyone. Protect your heart, focus on yourself, allow yourself to grieve and heal, and take things slowly. Don’t rush into it or obsess over finding someone better. But who knows what can happen in the process, you might meet someone.
If it’s truly meant to be, they will understand what you are going through and give you the space and time you need.
6. You get out of the house
Especially in times of Covid, dating is a great opportunity to get out of the house. Depending on the rules in your area, you might only be allowed to meet 1 household at a time so the activities you can do are limited.
Going on a date, for a nice lunch, dinner or drinks is a great way to get out and do something different.
7. You might learn that being alone isn’t that bad
For our third date, Jerry had invited me to his house, he was going to cook for me. I was excited and got ready early, he seemed to have a lot of qualities that I valued.
A few hours later, I was sitting at the dining table surrounded by stacked up plates, scattered books, and painting tools, eating the food he had made in the microwave. He asked me again if I wanted more wine, but I couldn’t be bothered telling him I didn’t like wine for the third time, so I just let him pour it.
It was when he started sharing his views on maternity leave and mums trying to have a career, that I suddenly realized that I would rather be at home and watch a movie than spend the evening with him.
All my life, I had been around people, fallen asleep next to someone every day, and so being alone was the scariest concept to me after the break-up. Dating has made me realize that I am much happier being alone, than with someone who is not right for me.
Everyone deals with breakups differently and there is no unique healing process or formular. My advise: Do whatever feels right for you, don’t set expectations on yourself or others and listen to your gut. Stay safe.
