LEADERSHIP | MANAGEMENT

7 Easy to Miss Signs You’re an Annoying Boss

And what to do about it

Management isn’t rocket science.

Despite what you read online, it’s pretty straightforward. Most tasks come down to setting standards, communicating these, making sure they’re followed, and supporting people to get there.

And yet, and yet… the latticework of skills and experience you’ll need to achieve these results to the best of your ability can take time to develop.

And in an effort to be effective, you can easily get fixated on the aims and not consider the process.

The result? You’ll be a nit-picky, annoying boss.

Your heart’s probably in the right place, and you want to do good work. So here are common things you might not realise you’re doing that are working against you.

Let’s go.

#1. You only make room for gloom and doom

When people come to you for advice, feedback, or 1:1s, you spend the majority of the time talking about what’s wrong and what you’re not happy with.

You keep making suggestions and giving advice for how to improve. Neglecting to recognise or highlight the positives.

People shouldn’t be thinking ‘no news is good news’. Your team shouldn’t only hear from you when there’s a problem. Sure, you’re busy. And sure, problems need fixing. But leader, dear leader, you cannot operate this way and expect sustained results.

Even if your feedback is constructive, it needs to be built on solid foundations between you and the receiver.

Spend time building rapport with your team, and establishing trust by showing you’re invested in their success. Be humble too, and embody the feedback and development mindset you’re asking from them.

When you do have the chat, make it clear why. Don’t talk down to them, or as if your way is the only way. You’re just pointing something out to help them improve. And giving them the actual steps or examples for how to fix it. Let them see where this advice will get them (easier work, a promotion, faster results) and reassure them that they’re doing a good job in other ways.

Don’t leave them feeling defined by one negative moment. It’s just a thread in the rich tapestry of their humanity. And by improving this, they’ll shine a little brighter.

#2. You treat feedback as a one way street

You’re good at dishing it out, but don’t seem open to getting it in return.

This is a life-hack for alienating people. And worse, it makes you look like you think you’re above reproach.

Should you open the floodgates and let all the feedback in? No, of course not. Start with a little bit while you figure out your filters.

Be proactive in getting it. Not in a ‘am I doing OK?’ kind of way (which probably will make you look needy), but more of a ‘any suggestions for how to improve this?’ kind of way.

Just make sure you act on it if you ask for it.

“Clear thinkers take feedback from reality, not society” — Naval Ravikant

#3. You’re as stable as a spaghetti flagpole in an earthquake

Management is stressful. It really is. But you know what’s worse? Working for a manager who keeps letting you know how stressful management is.

Staff aren’t paid the big bucks. You are (hopefully). Your job is to be a stabilising force. If your inability to handle the stress, emotion, and pressure of the job is leaking into your team, that’s a problem. A big one. Your work is important. But so is being careful not add to the problems of other people.

Work on channelling that energy into something constructive and useful. Be consistent with how you interact with people. If you recognise you’re a little stressed out or short-tempered, remove yourself and plan your interactions. If you don’t realise until after you’ve snapped at someone, follow up and own the behaviour. People will appreciate that and respond to it. And you’ll have a much stronger leg to stand on when addressing their behaviour and self-management in future.

Be a stabilising influence, not a chaotic one.

#4. You demonstrate a 2D mindset

Everything you talk about is work this and work that.

Small talk with you is always linked to what’s going on in the company. You don’t know much about your team beyond their role, title, name, and how well they do their job.

And worse, that’s all they know about you. Without sharing personal info or details about your life, people only know you as a 2-dimensional character.

Effective people management starts with humanity; yours and theirs. You need to foster connections, and this begins with a little authenticity, and a little curiosity.

Ask more questions about them, and make a point of remembering the answers. What’s their spouse’s name? Do they have kids? What’s their hobby?

The aim is to build an environment founded on trust and rapport. These are the roots of a strong, tightly-knit culture where people work hard not only for themselves, but for each other.

The bonds improve, the work improves.

#5. You’re as rigid as a diamond in an ice bath

Inflexibility can kill a manager’s career. Because things move on. Industries evolve. Technologies become redundant.

You don’t want to be using yesterday’s solutions for today’s problems. You’ll find yourself equipped to thrive in a world that doesn’t exist anymore.

Not only that, you’ll be driving people out of the door. Arbitrary rules have a tendency to drive people crazy. You can cite the employee handbook all you want, but a little exception here and there is exactly what loyal and hard-working employees deserve.

Your staff are a complex mesh of emotions, experiences, and challenges. It’s reductive and counter-productive to try to minimise every possible scenario into a set of cast-iron rules.

Standards and general operating principles should be clear and consistent. But their application should be flexible. And we should be open to adapting them when the need arises.

Provide options, not orthodoxy.

#6. You don’t respect people’s personal time

Weekend texts. Evening emails. Commute-time calls.

Barring emergencies, there’s rarely justification for contacting people outside of work hours. People need that time to rest, relax, and be left alone.

Don’t confuse your needs with theirs. You might think you can’t wait until Monday to ask them something, but there are other options besides ‘message them as soon as you think of something’. Add it to a digital to do list to chase up on Monday. Otherwise you’re just outsourcing that stress onto the other person. They’ll have to pull themselves out of whatever they’re doing to write it down on their own to-do list for Monday, meaning they’ve got to re-connect with their work stress and not completely detach and refresh.

If they’re giving you everything they have during work hours, let them recharge when they’re off.

Set communication expectations, and stick to them. For example, you can make it clear you don’t expect a reply until they’re back in the office (but might drop them messages from time to time as things come up).

#7. You’ve built a squad of mini-mes (and leverage it)

You want a diverse and inclusive team. Different backgrounds, experience, skillsets — all will benefit you.

It’s tempting in the interview process to only hire people who will give you more of what you already have. You don’t want to ‘rock the boat’. But over time it homogenises the group.

Now blind spots are amplified. Skill gaps become the norm. And the most annoying bosses use a uniform mindset as a way to squash what little dissent there is. “Everyone else is onboard” they might say. Or hold a vote to make the contrarian feel outnumbered.

The smarter approach is to hire people that add more of what you don’t have or augments your existing strengths.

And then build a culture that celebrates and embraces variety. Explore alternative ideas to tasks as a team, fairly weighing up the pros and cons. Approach conflicting ideas with curiosity and openness. You don’t want to be turning away potential opportunities or improvements, but we can’t always trust ourselves to spot them.

You want a culture where people are encouraged to be creative and look for new ideas.

Conclusion

Sometimes we become what we try to avoid.

In an effort to grow into a great boss, we take on behaviours that alienate our staff without us realising.

Here are some common signs you might be an annoying boss:

1. You only focus on negatives
2. You only give, never receive feedback
3. You’re unstable
4. You don’t build bonds with people
5. You’re inflexible
6. You don’t respect people’s time
7. You only hire people like you