7 Common Traits to Stop For a Happy and Successful Life
Remove these from your life and start thriving.
There are tons of habits and traits you can add to your life for more success and happiness.
But if you’re doing certain things that are actively holding you back, it’s far more valuable—and far more effective—to eliminate those first before adding a bunch of hacks onto a shaky foundation.
“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”
— Bruce Lee
Otherwise, it’ll be like trying to drive with the emergency brakes on.
In this article, I’ll share seven surprisingly common traits that hold back your life in many ways. If you eliminate them, over time, you’ll watch your life improve in ways you could’ve have imagined.
It might not be easy to do so, but it’ll be well worth it. Good luck.
Unhealthy habits
With all the fancy life hacks, podcasts, apps, coaching, and more out there in the name of self-improvement, how much will they matter if you don’t brush your teeth, smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish, sleep 4 hours a day, etc.?
For example, living in Europe, I’m utterly stupified by how many people smoke in 2024. (Sadly, there are zero non-smoking sections on this continent so anyone can smoke once you sit outside.) But it’s probably the stupidest habit that’s legal. According to the NIH, “Cigarettes kill more people each year than AIDS, heroin, crack, cocaine, alcohol, car accidents, fire, and murder combined.”
There’s no hack for doing the basics right. Cut out those (obviously) unhealthy habits and you’ll see your well-being transform.
Needing to be right
Earlier this year, a reader emailed me complaining about their dating results, but he was a solid guy who had a good personality, good looks, a good career, and a fun and active life.
The problem was his profile was terrible: Crappy pictures, a mediocre bio, and a very forgettable overall vibe. So I offered to coach him.
But suddenly, he didn’t want help anymore.
He wanted to keep doing what he was doing and just hope that things get better.
(By the way, if I just gave him free advice, here’s what would’ve happened: Nothing. It would’ve gone in one ear and out the other because people don’t value free things. Psychology, innit?)
I’ve run into this numerous times in my life and, every time, I think to myself, “Dear God, I DON’T want that to happen to me.”
That’s why, when I ask for feedback, I always say something like, “Look, I have no ego about this. If I’m screwing up, just tell me. I don’t care about being right — I only care about results.”
The best kind of feedback often hurts because it makes you realize how much you were fucking up before.
But that’s exactly what you need.
If you’re constantly struggling with something and want to improve, for the love of God, stop doing it your way. Get help. Read a book. Get coaching. Get honest feedback.
(And please don’t ask your friends because it’s hard for them not to lie to you.)
If you suck at golf, get a golf pro. If you suck at Japanese, hire a teacher. Not only will you improve, but you’ll save YEARS of slow-as-molasses progress by trying to do everything yourself.
Dabbling
I know people who really want to learn a new language so they do Duolingo or make flashcards and spend some time practicing.
Fast forward a few years and they can speak a few sentences, but they can't have a serious conversation with someone.
But if they just took a language class, they would’ve learned far more in two months than two years of self-teaching.
If you really want to learn something, don't dabble. Don't stick one toe in and expect to get good. Go all in. Yes, it’ll be a greater investment of time, money, and energy, but you get so much further, so much faster.
(Of course, if you don't care how good you get and just do it because you like it, then you can ignore this advice.)
But… if you're serious about getting better, don't take that same approach—it must be completely different.
People who refuse to grow
It's unavoidable: If you're on a trajectory of growth, at some point, you’re going to outgrow the people in your life who don't grow.
You can help them in the beginning and give them advice or hints.
But after a while, if they ain’t budging no matter what you say or however many times you call them out, there’s going to be a time limit on your friendship.
It’s not easy, I admit, but you cannot underestimate the impact that your social circle has on your life. And the longer you try to hold on to them out of comfort and convenience, the more it’s going to affect you in ways you don’t realize.
Neediness
If you ask most women, they would say one of the biggest turn-offs is men who are “needy”—men who constantly need validation or reassurance that they're doing something correctly.
Checking in 5 times to make sure you’re still meeting with someone is not only annoying, but it’ll kill your results—regardless of your gender or the setting.
To kill neediness, it’s not about “not giving a f*ck.” It’s about giving a f*ck about yourself. Ask for a commitment and don’t let people waffle. Respect your time, self-worth, and unique traits.
Always have backup plans. If someone is flaking, just say, “Hey, seems like you’re not 100% interested. No worries. Let’s just pass.” And then do what you want.
Passive Aggressiveness
I used to be passive-aggressive so I know the deal. But I did it because I was afraid—I was afraid of my emotions, sharing how I felt, and standing up for myself.
All it did was make things worse because the key issue with this trait is that you have to internalize your anger. You basically “swallow” your anger and make it look like everything’s great when, inside, you’re seething.
This is not only bad for your relationships, but also for your health. You’re burying your pain and not dealing with it in a healthy way—and over time, this can manifest in all types of issues like digestive issues, headaches, unexplained muscle pain, etc.
It took lots of practice, self-work, and outside help, but I eliminated this from my life.
There are tons of resources so you can search online. But my best advice is to start now. You won’t be perfect, but be more assertive. Most people are passive and don’t speak up when there’s a problem. But you’ll never make anything better by biting your tongue and repressing your frustration.
Being too nice
Years ago, I had a friend at the time who was trying to ask a girl out through text message, but he was doing horribly. I offered to help, looked at his messages, and spotted the problem immediately.
He was way too “nice.”
Let me explain.
There's nothing wrong with being a good person — I encourage it (haha).
But this dude was being so sweet, he was saccharine.
He would compliment her in almost every message. Yet she did nothing to earn a compliment; she wasn’t offering much information about herself and her answers, frankly, were pretty lousy.
As a result, he came off as the textbook "nice guy." He was doing things in a subconscious need to be liked.
Don’t be afraid to take the piss (UK) or bust people’s balls (US). Don’t be afraid to challenge people (respectfully). Don’t be afraid to call people out when they’re being rude or disrespectful. Don’t be afraid to say “no.”
Don’t be mean about it—but don’t kiss people’s ass just to kiss people’s ass.
Otherwise, you’ll come across as supplicating and torpedo your results.
The problem with being “too nice” is you’re being nice when you clearly don’t want to be. And so, similar to neediness, you’re just doing it for a subconscious need to be liked or to protect your ego from rejection.
Be a good person—that goes without saying. But show some regard for yourself and don’t just give yourself away just to please people.
Strangely enough, you’ll find people treat you better because they can see you have boundaries and aren’t being a sycophant. They can trust what you say is true.
And they’ll respect you for it.
Hope it helps.
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