7 Common Traits Shared by All Cheaters

Taking a closer look at the patterns behind betrayal.

First, it’s important we recognize that people “fall into temptation” for various reasons, and not every cheater is a nefarious schemer out to ruin their committed partner’s life — cheating is often not premeditated.

That being said there are, however, certain common traits that can be observed among those who choose to stay unfaithful regardless of how they got into the betrayal game. Understanding these commonalities may help us gain insight into the complex dynamics surrounding infidelity.

1. Pervasive lies

You will find that cheaters will, as a matter of necessity, make up stories to explain sudden changes in behavior, such as blaming work stress or personal issues, when in reality, they are investing time and energy into their secret affair.

Lying is actually an occupational hazard for cheaters, as they strive to keep their affairs hidden. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to spill into all aspects of their lives. Therefore, they end up lying not only to their committed partner, but also to their family, friends, coworkers, and even their affair partners.

Cheaters will frequently resort to making up stuff to explain their recent suspicious behavior, and the truly devious will begin spinning their web of lies early to set the stage for future alibis.

2. Breaking promises

This is one of the defining features of cheaters. You will invariably notice a consistent pattern of breaking promises because they prioritize their own desires over the commitments they have made to their committed partner or anyone else. The satisfaction of their sexual or emotional usually takes precedence, regardless of the hurt they may cause to those who genuinely care for, or are committed to them.

“Unfortunately, this behavior tends to spill into all aspects of their lives.”

3. Self-centeredness

The fact that they continue to place their “needs” above everything and everyone, cheaters is usually supported by their significant lack of empathy and consideration for others. As they prioritize their own desires above all else with complete disregard for any emotional pain they may inflict upon their loved ones, they are free to make the pursuit of their own gratification their primary focus. This naturally overshadows any concern for the well-being of the people around them.

4. Staying within familiar circles

You ever hear the saying, “proximity breeds opportunity”? Well it is very true in the case of cheaters. Contrary to the popular and perhaps somewhat comforting belief that a cheating partner would engage with a complete stranger who they may never see again thereby reducing the impact on their committed relationship, cheaters often choose to start affairs with people already within their existing circles.

In fact, research has found that the unfortunate reality is, most affairs, approximately 85%, begin within familiar environments, such as the workplace. It appears that shared social gatherings, late nights, and common interests create an environment that is ripe for temptation.

5. Poor impulse control

Acting on urges is another shared characteristic among cheaters. They are prone to succumbing to immediate and intense urges, without regard to the rights and feelings of the people in their lives. And even when they are fully aware that their actions are wrong, they find it difficult to resist. The consequences of their actions, therefore, take a back seat to satisfy their needs and desires.

The impulsiveness that drives cheaters to prioritize immediate satisfaction over the well-being of their committed partners or loved ones has been attributed to different factors. Some believe that cheaters generally come from backgrounds where emotions were usually shut down, and so they find it hard to express feelings appropriately.

So, for instance, rather than facing their partners to discuss problems in the relationship, they will look for outlets outside the relationship. Also, overindulged children grow into adults that will generally seek gratification regardless of consequences.

6. Struggling with emotional intimacy

Cheaters often struggle with establishing and maintaining deep emotional connections within their committed relationships. The feeling of disconnection then leads them to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

For them, the affair partner is filling a void created by the lack of emotional intimacy they feel in their committed relationship, and it feels so good that they can't give it up regardless of any possible fallout.

The surprising thing here is, cheaters are not actually incapable of emotional intimacy because you can find them becoming quite emotionally engaged and attentive to their affair partners, investing time and effort into building deep emotional connections while they hold out on their committed partners.

7. Justification

Cheaters tend to employ rationalization to justify their behavior and alleviate their guilt. Having convinced themselves that their behavior is justified due to whatever reason is convenient for them like, a partner’s perceived faults, relationship dissatisfaction, or even the belief that they reserve the right to explore what’s out there, an affair is almost a sure thing. These rationalizations help them minimize, or even erase any sense of responsibility for their actions.

Thus, you commonly find cheaters who have convinced themselves that since their partners are failing to meet their needs, or that the relationship is already irreparable they are justified in seeking fulfillment elsewhere. And in some instances, they have an inner circle that provides reinforcement for the beliefs that their actions are right.

“The surprising thing here is, cheaters are not actually incapable of emotional intimacy because you can find them becoming quite emotionally engaged and attentive to their affair partners…”

These commonalities among individuals who engage in infidelity while instructive, are for informational purposes only. While not all cheaters fit into the mold of deceitful vermin seeking to ruin the lives of their committed partners, certain common traits appear when we look closer: pervasive lies, broken promises, poor impulse control, etc. These shared characteristics expose patterns of behaviors observed among all individuals who engage in infidelity.

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