I Am — My Own Hero.
I have let others write my story for me. I have had enough. It is time to own my life.
Can you remember a time when you felt helpless?
I do — at multiple occasions. I was hopeless, kicked when down. I was humiliated and wished to give up.
I am a recovering alcoholic, and every Thursday at my women’s AA group — I am reminded of the past I have been through. I am reminded that I can overcome almost any obstacle, as long as I set my mind to it. I know that no matter how unbearable a situation may initially seem; I have the power to do something about it — unleash my inner heroine.
I have spent a great deal of time waiting around for someone to save me — be it my friends, family or my partner. I used to sit for hours crying, a damsel in distress, waiting for a white knight to swoop in and save the day, to save me from everything that is making me unhappy, but somehow it turned out that it is not the way life works.
I know now — nobody is coming to save me.
That doesn’t mean that I can’t be saved, though. I realized that love can save me. Kind people and gestures can save me. Faith can save me.
But no matter what happens — it will be always up to me to save myself.
I am surrounded by Heroes
Lately I’ve seen many of my closest — being their own heroes, and it’s been very inspiring for me to see. I’ve seen one of my best friends taking action and taking on a 3rd job to provide for his sick step-sister. My ex-colleague cutting ties with alcohol after a 10-year period of addiction and standing up to his in-laws emotional abuse.
I’ve seen my partner every day, fighting for our future — fighting for his daughter and for us to be together as a family.
It’s a tough world out there — and it can be very tempting to sit back and complain, to bathe in the negativity and just settle for whatever comes along.
I’ve caught myself giving up on the fight — I whined, cried, and self-pitied myself. I even blamed others (including my partner) for my misery. I did not truly realize that I am among heroes until I’ve stepped back from the overwhelm of the situations and saw that everyone’s journey has obstacles — and so does mine.
For years I have been waiting, hoping, and wishing, but now I finally stopped dreaming of someday and took control of what was a cause of negativity in my life. I understood — I didn’t know how strong I was until I faced the challenges.
Rather than wait for life to inevitably test me with hardships, I can save a lot of time and pain by learning to be my own hero, in good times and bad.
What I Did:
I STOPPED waiting.
For a long time, I knew I had an alchohol problem, and I was sitting around waiting for something to happen. I would periodically stop drinking, enroll CBT therapy, read a book on alchohol addiction — but I would not put in a ton of effort. Back then, my sobriety lasted about 2 weeks before I slipped back into my old toxic habit.
It wasn’t until I fully understood that my addiction is not going away — that I enrolled myself into rehab. I got to a point when I finally realized: no one is going to save me. I had to take control of this myself.
Today — I am 6 months sober and I helping others tackle their addictions.
Whatever bad is happening to me — I know I can always do something about it.
I took ACTION.
I knew I had to make changes. I wasn’t getting anywhere but frustrated as I sat behind my desk in the Leeds while imagining my future in Prague. So I took matters into my own hands.
With my partner I left to see firsthand how our life might look like in Prague — we understood that we have daydreamed about our future for too long — we had to take steps. Our first step opened up other things in our lives, which have been lurking in the background, and have been harmful to us. If I never took that first step — other things would not come to light and I would have waited for years to live my dream.
Instead, I took action and did what I had to do to make things happen.
I understood that, trying and taking a first step is always better than doing nothing.
I NEVER gave up.
I am separated from my partner — he is in Leeds, while I am in Prague. To be together soon, we have to be apart now. I am suffering.
Sometimes the pain in life seems like too much to bear. There are days when I miss my partner too much. I cry in the despair talking to my deceased mother — asking her guidance.
On those lonely and desperate days, I feel like giving up on my dreams. I am exhausted — from waiting for my fairytale happy ending.
But then — I remind myself that the most worthwhile things are difficult.
I have spent so much time, heart and hard work into creating the future for myself. When I am thinking about quitting, I think about why I started — I focus on envisioning the day you I look back to this day and realize that pushing past the hard day was the best decision ever.
I know it will happen, but it can only happen if I do not quit. Anything is possible if I am ready to put in the hard work and never quit.
Maybe I am 1 day away from succeeding.
I am FEARLESS.
I realized that making dreams happen is hard. It’s supposed to test me repeatedly. So I keep going, even when I don’t see any change at all.
I believe in my dream, my vision, and I keep going. I am a warrior who faces the challenges and stays strong.
I can’t change the past, but I can design my future by dealing with the current challenges of life positively. I can face those challenges by taking a single extra step every day.
I am proud of what I have already achieved. Instead of being my worst critic — I celebrate myself and my accomplishments.
Looking back — nothing has happened in my life that I haven’t been able to get through. However, I didn’t think I have mental strength. Until I started exercising it — like a muscle. As a result, I can now approach challenges and look at them through a positive lens.
I NEVER LOSE HOPE
Just yesterday I felt like I giving up a fight — again. But the human spirit is so powerful, and there is only one reason I don’t give up. There is only one belief that sits in the back of my mind that keeps me going day after day.
Hope.
There is always something that I hope for. I hope for change. I hope for strength. I hope for love.
I hope that things won’t be as hard as they’ve always been.
To me, hope means not giving up. It means constantly seeking an alternative way. It means looking deep inside to find what exactly it is that seems lacking.
In becoming a new version of myself, there are moments when I doubt myself. However, I remember that tough times aren’t meant to destroy me. Rather, they are there to encourage me to rise up and step into my power.
Finding happiness isn’t a walk in the park. It is hard work.
If I can’t find a way, then I MAKE the way.
In the times of doubt and despair I remind myself:
