64% of Women Writers Get Harassed Because of Their Writing
11% of men, in case you wondered
I was planning to review more writing books, so I opened Ray Bradbury’s Zen in the Art of Writing again.
There it was. Chapter one.
How long has it been since you wrote a story where your real love or your real hatred somehow got on the paper? — Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing
Well, Ray, last time my real hatred “somehow” got on the page, I lost count of the people who told me I’m wrong, deluded, or called me a feminazi.
Not to mention the men who told me what part of their anatomy to suck. Who talks that way to strangers on the internet?
It’s not unique to me.
According to a study by Writer’s Guild of America, 64% of women writers experience harassment as a result of their writing.
In case you’re going to say men get harassed for their writing, too ? I know. About 11% of men, according to the same study.
64% of women 11% of men
It’s not about the number, incidentally. It’s about the ratio. Gender bias is alive and well and far more reaching than we might realize.
If you’re a woman, fear of reprisal probably affects your writing. How much it affects your writing depends on the thickness of your skin.
But men are the tough ones, right?
Careful honey, the shame squad is watching
A large chunk of the world doesn’t want to hear about women’s experiences. If the angry backlash to #metoo didn’t show you that, I don’t know how to open your eyes for you. But it’s not just #metoo stories we slam women for.
It’s anything that comes out of a woman’s mouth.
Lest you be confused, it’s not just men harassing women.
Gender bias isn’t about men hating women. That’s misogyny. Gender bias is about a cultural belief regarding a woman’s “place” in the world.
Like the crab in a bucket story, women are just as fast to pull another woman back down where she belongs. Women can sling hate like nobody’s business. Gender bias was never limited to men.
If you write about sex, a lot of people will call you a slut, say you’re oversharing or decide if you’re worthy of doing. The more graphic you are, the more you’ll earn, but the more haters you’ll have, too.
Ask any feminist writer if she gets harassed and when she’s done laughing, you’ll have the answer. You don’t even have to ask. Read the comments. They’re ugly. Those comments are why they need to keep writing.
If you write about being fat or body shaming — you’re braver than me. The hate never ends. Don’t you know it’s unhealthy to be fat? Why are you promoting that? As if there’s shame in simply not hating yourself.
But if you’re skinny, don’t show off your body or you’re just bragging and using your body for profit, you stupid ho, and it’s “prolly Photoshop” anyway. If you’re fat, you lose. If you’re not fat you still lose. Haha.
And money? Omg. Men can write how to make money posts and get zillions of fans and build a fan base. But let a woman write about money and she’s going to get ugly backlash about “bragging” and such.
Even mommy bloggers aren’t safe…
There they are — doing what women are “supposed to” do. Writing about their kids and Mr. Wonderful, our “rightful” place in the world, and still — someone is going to come along and Mommy-shame. Almost guaranteed.
True story. A mom I know posted a picture of her 6-year old holding pink chalk and said she wants to put it on her hair. The vitriol was instant.
— What’s wrong with you? Who lets a 6 year old color her hair pink? She’s far too young for that. What a horrible mother you are to even consider it.
— What is the problem? Why are you even asking? It’s chalk. It washes out. Are you just attention seeking? What’s wrong with you?
— Why are you posting you 6-year old’s photo on Facebook? You know predators and pedophiles are out there, right? What a bad, careless mother you are.
Never mind that it’s all private. Not public. Those were her “friends.”
There is no right way to be a mommy. There is no right way to be a woman. Someone is going to shame you.
That judgement and shaming bleeds into womens’ writing.
I’m sure there are safe topics.
Birds, maybe. Photography. And nature. Those are probably safe. You can write poetry. As long as it’s not inflammatory.
But make no mistake, the men in those fields will still get more accolades. 85% of the top writers on Medium are men. Did you know that?
Men aren’t just better writers. Gender doesn’t define skill or aptitude for writing. We just have a societal preference for the male opinion.
Mostly, we don’t even see it.
We sure do love women being women.
Ever notice how we focus on how women celebrities look? What they’re wearing? How they’re aging?
Have you ever looked at the front of women’s magazines? How to get a man. How to keep him happy. Great dinner recipes. How to be a good wife or good mommy. How to lose weight. Get thinner thighs.
And we all know what a “real woman” looks like, right? Pretty, but not too pretty. Not so much that it’s going to go to her head. Sexy, but also discreet. Preferably holding a man’s arm. So she’s not a threat to other women.
When you don’t “woman” right, the world will let you know. Real fast. Both genders will pile on to let her know she’s stepped out of place.
All that societal crap bleeds into a woman’s ability to write.
Good writing comes from emotion
And of course it does. It’s a writing tip we shouldn’t even have to tell anyone. Essay writing shouldn’t read like academic writing or a user manual. There’s no shortage of writers telling us that we need to evoke emotion.
No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. — Robert Frost
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. — William Wordsworth
But when you’re a woman? You’re going to get backlash. That’s a promise. 64% of women and 11% of men get vitriol and harassment because of the words they write.
If you’re a man getting harassed, you’re in the minority. It still sucks, yes. But if you’re a woman? Whatever. Just another day on the internet.
Women write differently because of the backlash…
When you live in a world that doles out credibility by gender, is it any surprise that women often lack confidence? And we do. Not all of us. But too many.
Natalie Goldberg, author of Writing Down the Bones, shares her experience teaching writing to men and women.
Women, she says, tend to use more qualifier statements…
— In my opinion… — I think perhaps… — You know what I mean? — Well, what about if we…
Statements added to their writing to ameliorate the negativity they anticipate from people who don’t agree. It is important, Goldberg says, to make clear assertive statements.
Last time I wrote about this, women were stunned. They didn’t even realize they were doing it until I mentioned it. “Omg, I do that — and I didn’t know” was the most common response.
We are blind to the conditioning. Of course we are. That’s how conditioning works best. Most societal conditioning is covert, not overt.
Making statements is practice in trusting your own mind, in learning to stand up for your thoughts.” — Natalie Goldberg
We’re all good at different things, right?
Don’t we just love twisting the truth? I mean, that’s how brainwashing works. You can call it societal conditioning if you want to.
Culture tells us men and women are “good at” different things.
When I wrote about 85% of the top writers on Medium being men someone replied to say it’s probably because men are “better at” technology and business, and those are popular topics here.
A woman said that.
We buy into that kind of crap. Men have the analytical minds. The business minds. They’re better at tech. Better at math.
Women are good at “touchy, feely” stuff. Right?
Which is nonsense to begin with. If you take the brain of a baby boy and a baby girl, you won’t be able to tell which is which. But bring them home and the conditioning begins.
We teach women that they’re the emotional ones. The touchy-feely ones. But let a woman start writing, and that emotional quotient that society says she’s so good at will bite her in the butt.
True story.
Recently I had a woman tell me “clearly” I don’t know any “real” writers. Never mind that I’ve worked in publishing. Never mind that I’ve worked as an editor.
Never mind that I’ve spent my entire adult life in helping entrepreneurs, including writers, with their marketing.
Clearly, I don’t know sh*t. Because she disagreed with me. And I don’t use those gentle qualifiers that make women’s opinions less offensive.
This is how too many people react to women who write boldly. With rudeness, judgement and condescension.
Yes, men get it too. 64% of women. 11% of men.
So what’s the solution?
Good writing should give you the solution to a problem, right? Outline the problem, give the solution. That’s so oversimplified it’s painful.
Also, delusional. Not all problems have such easily defined solutions.
You want the solution for how to get on page one of Google? I can give you that. You want the solution for how to end gender bias? No freaking clue. It’s so deeply ingrained we cannot solve what most of us still can’t see.
Art is supposed to make you think.
That’s what good art does. And we need that, because we spend way too much of our lives on auto-pilot. We need auto-pilot because without it, we’d burn out. A lot of things, we don’t need to think about. Some, we should.
So here’s what I want you to think about.
If you’re a woman…
I want you to think about how often you hold back and tippy toe around what you write because of fear of reprisal. Fear of trolls. Also? Think about how you respond to other women. Do you bash them for things you don’t bash men for? Are you ruder to women than men? Do you read them but not follow? Do you view women as less credible, somehow? Do you question her motives?
If you’re a man…
I want you to think about how you respond when women tell their stories. Are you being condescending, patronizing or a little trollish? Are you a doubting Thomas, wondering if she’s “elaborating” for effect? Do you think she’s just being “emotional?” Do women’s emotions make you uncomfortable? Would you read that piece differently if it had a man’s name on it?
And for all of us…
Pay attention to who you follow and read. Is your following list filled with men — all over the internet? Do you cheer women, but give more credibility to the words of men? Do you read women, but follow more men?
We can never fix a problem if we’re denying it exists. We can never fix a problem if we can’t first see it.
The point of art is to make people think. And isn’t writing an art?
/rant
“To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.” ― Mary Oliver