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is real. This piece is written directly from the first-hand experience.</h2><p id="8620">I annoy <b><i>all of my household members</i></b> these days. At first, it wasn’t intentional. When I realized which actions scared off the ones I love, I took notes. I repeated. I will repeat these annoying actions any time I need a break from now on, and you can do it too.</p><h1 id="30b8">This is how it is done.</h1><h2 id="a82f">1. Be a terrible listener.</h2><p id="3a94">When someone is talking, drift off into another time and space, mentally. Do it often. It usually takes only one conversation attempt to make the other half of the communication very irritated. Make sure to give the person who you are spacing out on false hope by saying “Oh wow!” in a dramatic tone. If they don’t notice that you aren’t listening you will need to get brutal. You will need to tell the person directly. Interrupt them to do this.</p><p id="7358">Say the following: <i>“Sorry to interrupt you but I forgot to keep listening.”</i></p><p id="eddd">Tilt your head in a sympathetic way, and ask the other party to repeat what you missed. If the person isn’t annoyed by this point, just wait until they are almost done describing the important topic for the second time and interrupt again. Say this: <i>“Oh my gosh I am so sorry, I was not listening again.”</i></p><p id="3190">Surely, your solitude will be near.</p><h2 id="53a8">2. Giggle nervously, often.</h2><p id="a426">There is just something about being jolly that makes cranky get crankier. Milk it by laughing at weird moments. This will irk the people within earshot. These are the people who you need to repel, so irk on.</p><h2 id="2ccb">3. Make everyone do everything.</h2><p id="3d67">Say “My bad” when you spill stuff and tell the younger household members to be “dears” and clean it up for “Old Mom”.</p><p id="89de">Complain to the kids that your legs are tired and make them go upstairs for stuff. When they come back let them catch you dancing or doing intense kick boxing moves. Teenagers nearby will be sure to roll their eyes an

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d point out the fact that your legs don’t hurt. Such geniuses suddenly when it’s time to do a little stair stepping.</p><h2 id="f256">4. Make everything about yourself.</h2><p id="f0aa">This is what everyone already does, but we all just fight back our heathen personalities and choose to display a more polite version for the world. Forget the polite version of you. When everyone is near you, declare how awesome you did on your cellphone games today. When two kids are fighting about batteries shriek dramatically and say “Quit fighting over me, I love you both the same!” They will be ready to hide from you soon.</p><h2 id="39a1">5. Pawn off responsibilities temporarily.</h2><p id="e66f">When the youngest household members ask for dinner/snacks/treats point to the other adult in the area and loudly say “Ask Aunt Sally.” or “Tell Dad.” While you say this, be moving toward the exit. You might need to make a run for it so be in your running shoes.</p><h2 id="81d7">6. Be too apologetic about things that aren’t your fault.</h2><p id="c0df">“Sorry babe that you don’t feel good. Are you sure it’s only heartburn? Maybe it’s that virus thing. We should call an ambulance.”</p><p id="2d75">Of course, you won’t call an ambulance for heartburn, but the goal is to repel the people away from you for a few minutes. This works.</p><p id="a323">Follow up all unneeded apologies with a sweet sentiment. For extreme measures, deliver those sweet utterances in goo-goo baby dialect. You will be alone in about 45 seconds.</p><h2 id="20e6">Look around. You did it.</h2><p id="2296">Once you have annoyed everyone in your household to the point that they scatter to all corners of the shared living space, take a moment to congratulate yourself.</p><p id="4b4b">You did it. You win. You are now enjoying the peace and quiet you so desperately crave.</p><p id="5305">Don’t worry, the side effects caused by the annoyance will wear off quickly. You will be snuggling with your people again soon.</p><p id="a7bd">Enjoy your victory while you can.</p><p id="b098">Cheers.</p></article></body>

Psychological one-upping. It’s too easy sometimes.

6 Ways To Score Alone Time By Annoying Your Household

Time tested methods to make people scatter away from you.

Sure, I get it. There are many ways to have a great day doing amazing things with your always-home-children and your seldom-gone honeys. Yes, a plethora of delightful fun awaits you and your posse. Just click randomly on the home page of any popular blog site for proof that life brings many opportunities for joy. There are perfect days with endless hours of togetherness. Can you hear my eyes rolling?

There are perfect days with endless hours of togetherness. And glitter. And happy, stinkin’ hobbies.

Woop-dee-doo, people.

Doesn’t anyone just want a break? I do.

If you are craving time alone, this post is for you.

Shortly after implementing these me-tested and me-approved annoyance techniques, you will be listening to the sound of sweet, golden silence. I cannot guess how long your break will be, but I do assure you — a break is what you will get.

This is not a roast-post. This is real. This piece is written directly from the first-hand experience.

I annoy all of my household members these days. At first, it wasn’t intentional. When I realized which actions scared off the ones I love, I took notes. I repeated. I will repeat these annoying actions any time I need a break from now on, and you can do it too.

This is how it is done.

1. Be a terrible listener.

When someone is talking, drift off into another time and space, mentally. Do it often. It usually takes only one conversation attempt to make the other half of the communication very irritated. Make sure to give the person who you are spacing out on false hope by saying “Oh wow!” in a dramatic tone. If they don’t notice that you aren’t listening you will need to get brutal. You will need to tell the person directly. Interrupt them to do this.

Say the following: “Sorry to interrupt you but I forgot to keep listening.”

Tilt your head in a sympathetic way, and ask the other party to repeat what you missed. If the person isn’t annoyed by this point, just wait until they are almost done describing the important topic for the second time and interrupt again. Say this: “Oh my gosh I am so sorry, I was not listening again.”

Surely, your solitude will be near.

2. Giggle nervously, often.

There is just something about being jolly that makes cranky get crankier. Milk it by laughing at weird moments. This will irk the people within earshot. These are the people who you need to repel, so irk on.

3. Make everyone do everything.

Say “My bad” when you spill stuff and tell the younger household members to be “dears” and clean it up for “Old Mom”.

Complain to the kids that your legs are tired and make them go upstairs for stuff. When they come back let them catch you dancing or doing intense kick boxing moves. Teenagers nearby will be sure to roll their eyes and point out the fact that your legs don’t hurt. Such geniuses suddenly when it’s time to do a little stair stepping.

4. Make everything about yourself.

This is what everyone already does, but we all just fight back our heathen personalities and choose to display a more polite version for the world. Forget the polite version of you. When everyone is near you, declare how awesome you did on your cellphone games today. When two kids are fighting about batteries shriek dramatically and say “Quit fighting over me, I love you both the same!” They will be ready to hide from you soon.

5. Pawn off responsibilities temporarily.

When the youngest household members ask for dinner/snacks/treats point to the other adult in the area and loudly say “Ask Aunt Sally.” or “Tell Dad.” While you say this, be moving toward the exit. You might need to make a run for it so be in your running shoes.

6. Be too apologetic about things that aren’t your fault.

“Sorry babe that you don’t feel good. Are you sure it’s only heartburn? Maybe it’s that virus thing. We should call an ambulance.”

Of course, you won’t call an ambulance for heartburn, but the goal is to repel the people away from you for a few minutes. This works.

Follow up all unneeded apologies with a sweet sentiment. For extreme measures, deliver those sweet utterances in goo-goo baby dialect. You will be alone in about 45 seconds.

Look around. You did it.

Once you have annoyed everyone in your household to the point that they scatter to all corners of the shared living space, take a moment to congratulate yourself.

You did it. You win. You are now enjoying the peace and quiet you so desperately crave.

Don’t worry, the side effects caused by the annoyance will wear off quickly. You will be snuggling with your people again soon.

Enjoy your victory while you can.

Cheers.