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Abstract

an?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Mimi Thian</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="bd09">2 — Focus on who you are talking to</h2><p id="0754">People love it when you focus on them and what they are saying. It makes them feel important and special. If you want people to feel they are important to you, pay attention to them. Watch their mannerisms and patterns of speech and mimic them. Put your phone on vibrate, or better, turn it off. And don’t break the conversation to talk to someone else that passes by you. Your goal is to make the other person feel comfortable and at home when they talk to you. And you do that by focusing on them.</p><h2 id="232d">3 — Be complimentary</h2><p id="3ab7">When you focus on people, you’ll notice things to compliment. Everyone has something that is positive. No matter what it is, vocalize your appreciation. Letting someone know that you’ve seen something special builds self-esteem. When you compliment someone, you create a bond. And it is vital to your being seen as likable.</p><p id="a4cc">But there is a risk. If you aren’t genuine, people know it. Instead of helping them like you, they will feel you are fake and untrustworthy. It’s better not to give a compliment if you don’t feel it.</p><h2 id="0c84">4 — Be a good listener</h2><p id="cba6">Being able to sit and listen to another person without interrupting isn’t easy. And the stronger we feel about an issue, the more we feel compelled to speak. But learning <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/guides/smarterliving/be-a-better-listener">How to Be a Better Listener</a> is vital if people want to be likable.</p><p id="4f76">Interrupting someone while they are talking to you is a good sign that you aren’t listening. And by breaking the conversation, you may not get the whole point or get to a question that the other person wants to ask.</p><p id="3645">When talking to someone remember that there is a point to the conversation. By interrupting the other person, the signal gets sent that their point isn’t valuable to you or that you’re disregarding it. When you concentrate on what’s being said, you make the o

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ther person feel important and connected to you. And if listen to and respond to their questions, you reinforce that the other person is interesting and that you are open to talking about their issues.</p><h2 id="b9c0">5 — Share the spotlight</h2><p id="02b2">The stronger the opinion we have on a topic, the more we demand attention. And once we get started spouting what we believe is true, it’s hard to share the stage with anyone else. But while we’re talking, we aren’t listening and we may end up driving people away.</p><p id="f1f9">If you want to be likable, let other people share their thoughts. And give them feedback so they know you’re paying attention. Intentionally give up the podium so someone else can talk.</p><p id="c2f6">When you are talking with someone, remind yourself to take a breath. Give the other person a chance to take part in the conversation. It’s important for everyone to share their views. If you insist on dominating the discussion, people will draw away from you. They’ll feel you are a bully or a hog. So limit how much you say so other people can speak. And always take part in the conversation. If people see you appreciate their passion, they will be drawn to you.</p><h2 id="acec">6 — Stay calm</h2><p id="cd3f">Listen to any religious or political conversation and wait for voices to rise. And the louder the voices, the more the resistance on both sides. You don’t have to avoid hot topics. But the more emotional the topic, the more you have to remind yourself to stay calm.</p><p id="815c">Raising your voice to drown out another person isn’t communicating. There is no exchange of ideas because the genuine conversation has shut down. And all that’s left is shouting.</p><p id="246b">People who dominate a conversation by raising their voices and losing their calm is guaranteed to leave the impression they are not likable. People respect those who can remain calm and express themselves clearly, even on emotional issues. When you feel your composure is slipping remind yourself that you respect other people and their views. Once the conversation cools down, you can then express yourself in a way that gets your point across in a likable way.</p></article></body>

Relationships

6 Ways To Become Irresistibly Likable

#5 — Be a good listener

Likable people establish a personal bond with people they don’t know within seconds. They do it by showing an honest interest in the other person, making strangers feel comfortable. And they present themselves as approachable and friendly, even to people they don’t know. By doing these simple things, likable people make new acquaintances feel they want to connect and communicate. It’s a useful talent if you are in sales, and it is a good way to live.

Being charismatic, charming, or fascinating is something you can learn and develop just like any skill. It takes conscious, daily practice. But, in time, being open and friendly will feel natural and you’ll do it without thinking.

If you work at it, you may become so likable that people will say about you, “If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him.” (quote from the most interesting man in the world).

Read my 6 tips on becoming a likable person.

1. Have an open mind

Likable people make themselves accessible to anyone. They approach topics and people with an open mind, and they listen without condemnation.

If you want to be a likable person, the place to start is being willing to have open and honest conversations with people. And share what you think in a non-threatening, safe, and comfortable way.

2 — Focus on who you are talking to

People love it when you focus on them and what they are saying. It makes them feel important and special. If you want people to feel they are important to you, pay attention to them. Watch their mannerisms and patterns of speech and mimic them. Put your phone on vibrate, or better, turn it off. And don’t break the conversation to talk to someone else that passes by you. Your goal is to make the other person feel comfortable and at home when they talk to you. And you do that by focusing on them.

3 — Be complimentary

When you focus on people, you’ll notice things to compliment. Everyone has something that is positive. No matter what it is, vocalize your appreciation. Letting someone know that you’ve seen something special builds self-esteem. When you compliment someone, you create a bond. And it is vital to your being seen as likable.

But there is a risk. If you aren’t genuine, people know it. Instead of helping them like you, they will feel you are fake and untrustworthy. It’s better not to give a compliment if you don’t feel it.

4 — Be a good listener

Being able to sit and listen to another person without interrupting isn’t easy. And the stronger we feel about an issue, the more we feel compelled to speak. But learning How to Be a Better Listener is vital if people want to be likable.

Interrupting someone while they are talking to you is a good sign that you aren’t listening. And by breaking the conversation, you may not get the whole point or get to a question that the other person wants to ask.

When talking to someone remember that there is a point to the conversation. By interrupting the other person, the signal gets sent that their point isn’t valuable to you or that you’re disregarding it. When you concentrate on what’s being said, you make the other person feel important and connected to you. And if listen to and respond to their questions, you reinforce that the other person is interesting and that you are open to talking about their issues.

5 — Share the spotlight

The stronger the opinion we have on a topic, the more we demand attention. And once we get started spouting what we believe is true, it’s hard to share the stage with anyone else. But while we’re talking, we aren’t listening and we may end up driving people away.

If you want to be likable, let other people share their thoughts. And give them feedback so they know you’re paying attention. Intentionally give up the podium so someone else can talk.

When you are talking with someone, remind yourself to take a breath. Give the other person a chance to take part in the conversation. It’s important for everyone to share their views. If you insist on dominating the discussion, people will draw away from you. They’ll feel you are a bully or a hog. So limit how much you say so other people can speak. And always take part in the conversation. If people see you appreciate their passion, they will be drawn to you.

6 — Stay calm

Listen to any religious or political conversation and wait for voices to rise. And the louder the voices, the more the resistance on both sides. You don’t have to avoid hot topics. But the more emotional the topic, the more you have to remind yourself to stay calm.

Raising your voice to drown out another person isn’t communicating. There is no exchange of ideas because the genuine conversation has shut down. And all that’s left is shouting.

People who dominate a conversation by raising their voices and losing their calm is guaranteed to leave the impression they are not likable. People respect those who can remain calm and express themselves clearly, even on emotional issues. When you feel your composure is slipping remind yourself that you respect other people and their views. Once the conversation cools down, you can then express yourself in a way that gets your point across in a likable way.