6 Unpleasant Communication Mistakes That Can Ruin Relationships

Be aware of these next time you initiate a conversation.

Ever had someone say something to you, and it left you feeling like they were telling the complete opposite? It’s frustrating when this happens in a conversation. But when these miscommunications happen in relationships, they can have disastrous consequences.

This article discusses how to avoid these communication mistakes by being more mindful of our intention with each word we speak.

“My belief is that communication is the best way to create strong relationships.” — Jada Pinkett Smith

Part I: The 6 Mistakes

1. Talking too much and not listening enough

When we’re talking, it’s easy to get lost in our own thoughts and not actually listen to the other person. This creates a one-sided conversation and can make the other person feel unheard and unimportant.

This also goes for interrupting people. It’s essential to give the speaker time to finish their thought before jumping in with your own. It can also be helpful to ask questions throughout the conversation to ensure that you understand what the other person is saying.

What You Can Do Instead:

Slow down and take a breath before responding. Pausing helps to ensure that you’re actually listening to the other person, and it also gives them time to speak.

When you do respond, try paraphrasing what the other person said to make sure you understood correctly. If you need clarification on something, ask questions.

It’s also helpful to remember that active listening involves more than just hearing words. You can show that you’re paying attention by making eye contact and nodding your head occasionally.

If you find yourself getting lost in your own thoughts, gently remind yourself to focus on the conversation by saying things like “tell me more” or “I’m with you.”

2. Being defensive and not taking ownership of your mistakes

It can be tempting to get defensive when we’re confronted with something that we’ve done wrong. After all, nobody likes to think or admit that they were wrong.

But if you don’t take responsibility for your actions and own up to the mistake as soon as it happens (and not later), then you risk coming off as inconsiderate and disrespectful of other people’s feelings.

Not taking ownership of your mistakes can also give others an excuse to hold onto their anger towards you long after the situation has been resolved. You may have apologized, but because there was no remorse behind those words, they don’t feel like you’re really sorry.

What You Can Do Instead:

Be mindful of your intentions when speaking with others. Try to be considerate and respectful in each conversation you have by taking ownership of any mistakes or miscommunications you make.

While also being sure not to speak too much without giving the other person a chance to get their point across.

• “I’m sorry I made a mistake.”
• “That was my bad.”
• “You caught me! That wasn’t planned… Sorry!”

Checking in throughout conversations and asking questions will make it easier to avoid these communication blunders moving forward. Remember — relationships are about give-and-take.

Sometimes we need to take our actions if it means that the relationship will be stronger in the end.

3. Making assumptions instead of asking questions

We’ve all heard the saying, “assumptions make an ass out of you and me.” And it couldn’t be more accurate. Making assumptions is one of the biggest communication mistakes that can cause relationship problems down the line. Why?

Because if we assume something about what someone else said or did, then there’s a chance that our assumption may not actually be correct.

If this happens, then your conversation will likely end with both parties feeling frustrated because they’re upset at something that wasn’t even real in the first place.

What You Can Do Instead:

Be Mindful Of Your Intentions When Speaking With Others By Asking Questions Before Jumping To Conclusions

It will oftentimes feel easier to guess why someone might have done something or why they said what they did.

But it’s essential to resist the urge and instead ask questions about their actions and words so that you can get a better understanding of the situation at hand.

• “What happened?”
• “Can you tell me more about what was going on when this occurred?
• “I have trouble understanding.”

Asking open-ended questions gives people an opportunity to speak while also making sure that both parties stay engaged in conversation, which is especially helpful if one person might be tempted to jump down each other’s throats.

This way, we’re able to move past assumptions and into an actual dialogue where misunderstandings are easier resolved.

4. Judging others instead of trying to understand them.

It’s easy to judge others based on our own personal beliefs and opinions. We all do it from time to time, especially when we feel like someone is threatening our worldview or challenging the way that we see things.

But being judgmental towards other people will only distance them from us — it will make them feel like they can’t open up and share their thoughts and feelings with us because we’ve already made up our minds about them.

What You Can Do Instead:

Try to empathize with others and put yourself in their shoes. When somebody shares something personal with us, our natural reaction might be to start thinking about what we would say in response.

But instead of doing that, try to imagine how the other person must have been feeling when that event occurred.

• “I can understand why you might feel that way.”
• “It sounds like you went through a lot during that time.”
• “Thank you for sharing this with me; I really appreciate it.”

By showing empathy and understanding towards others, we’re telling them that we see them as people — complex individuals who have their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. And that’s really the first step in building any meaningful relationship.

5. Not following through on promises.

There’s nothing more frustrating than making a promise to someone and then not following through with it.

When we break our word, it sends the message that their feelings don’t matter or that they can’t trust us. It also makes them feel like we’re only in this relationship for ourselves, which is something nobody wants.

What You Can Do Instead:

Do whatever you say you’re going to do (or let the other person know if there are any changes).

Hold yourself accountable by keeping your promises even when things get complicated because doing so will make both of you feel valued and respected as individuals within the relationship.

• “If I said I’m going to call before dinner, I’ll definitely give you guys a ring.”
• “I know things have been really hectic lately, but I’m going to do my best to get the laundry done this weekend.”
• “I’ll be there at six-ish, is that okay?”

Making and keeping promises might seem like a small thing, but it’s actually a huge sign of respect. It shows that we’re willing to put in the effort needed to maintain our relationships. and that’s definitely something worth striving for.

6. Withholding love and approval when you disagree

If we disagree with what someone says or does, it’s natural to want to withdraw our love in order to show that disagreement.

But withholding love and approval is one of the most damaging communication mistakes because when people feel like they can’t be themselves around us, even if things are tense between them and us at times, then they’ll likely end up seeking out other relationships where their thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc.

What You Can Do Instead:

When somebody shares something personal with you (even when your opinions differ), try not to withdraw any affection until after you’ve had a chance to really think about why they might have said what did/felt how they did.

And remember that just because somebody disagrees with you doesn’t mean that they don’t love or approve of you.

• “Thank you for sharing this experience with me
• “I’d like to have some time to think about what you’ve said.”
• “Let’s talk more after things have settled down a little bit.”

Giving ourselves the space we need before responding further will make it easier for us to avoid withdrawing our love and approval once everything has had time to settle in.

In addition, by not doing so right away, both parties can feel free to be themselves around one another without worrying about any negative consequences afterward. This is how healthy relationships are built.

“Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.” — Rollo May

The Bottom Line

Making any of the six deadly communication mistakes can potentially ruin our relationships with others. It can be challenging trying to navigate through all the different relationship advice out there.

However, by being understanding, following through on our promises, and not withholding love and approval when we disagree, we can avoid them and build more substantial and more meaningful relationships in the process.

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Originally published at implementationofwisdom.com

This post was inspired by and researched on https://www.mindbodygreen.com

This content is for informational purposes only. It was not created to be a substitute for professional guidance, diagnosis, or treatment. Not all information will be accurate. Consider consulting with a professional or a specialist.