6 Unexpected Benefits of Releasing What Feels Like Staggering Responsibility
How it positively impacted my personal life and my business
For most of my life, I felt like I needed to do things myself.
Sometimes, it was because I thought I was best able to do it. Other times, it was because I felt it took more time to explain things to get the desired result than it took to do it myself.
And at other times when I outsourced, I still couldn’t completely let go.
In all cases, it was because I felt responsible — responsible for everything. My level of responsibility was suffocating.
Enter Covid — one of my greatest teachers
After being Covid-free for the first 2+ years, I got two strains within two weeks after the death of a loved one late June. I was so sick — in and out of the emergency department, taking so much medication just to be able to breathe.
The first month I focused on breathing and staying hydrated. The second month my focus was sleeping (usually 16 hours per day) and taking care of simple tasks with complete brain fog. Working was not an option.
Thank goodness I was no longer alone. I was called to fully let go, to surrender, to give our mission, our mission to bring healing for narcissist survivors, over to God and my team –Matthew, Kristine, and Chrischa.
They kept things going when I couldn’t. Even more, they stepped fully into their zones of genius and continued to serve those healing from narcissistic abuse all over the world.
I am so very blessed. And though long Covid still has me napping every day, with only a few hours of bandwidth (and a few hours of voice) each day, I’m back with the support of this indispensable team.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
6 Unexpected Benefits of Releasing Responsibility
- I realized the world didn’t stop because I was sick
Okay, I knew the world wouldn’t stop, but I was concerned my business would. No articles. No new videos for a YouTube channel that had just been monetized. No ability to do one-on-one or other meaningful work.
It didn’t. My business continued to grow. It seems the 200+ articles and 200+ videos I’d created were doing the heavy lifting for me.
2. I learned to focus only on the most important thing, the next right step
There were so many things I thought I “had” to do. They were all things that were important and meaningful to me. I’d let go of doing things because I “should” years ago.
These were business things, like serving my clients, being consistent with my writing, videos, and social media, keeping up with engagement.
For months, I had to let that all go. Sometimes the most important thing for the day was a shower.
3. I let go of the concept of “being behind”
This one was hard. Those things I let go of? For awhile, I felt I had to catch them back up — to avoid being behind.
Eventually I realized it was impossible to catch up with all of the Medium comments, Quora comments, YouTube comments. There were tens of thousands of them.
I had to come to peace with it, to know that in each moment I was doing the best that I could, and that in the future, I’d start fresh. (If you left a comment from late June until this week, I missed it and will likely never see it. Please know that it’s appreciated, just as you are appreciated.)
4. I spent more than a month being deeply present with my body
Okay, this was huge. For decades, my body was a vehicle to carry my mind around. I was annoyed when it got sick, needed sleep, even needed to use the bathroom — what a nuisance.
Next, I connected with it in kind of a half-assed way. I learned to appreciate its wisdom, for sure. I certainly listened to what it needed more than in the past. But by then, it was more an object to anchor my spirit to this world — and still, at times, a nuisance.
For week after week, my only focus was on my body — how I was breathing, whether I was hydrated, sensing my need for even more sleep. I ate the healthy foods it craved. I moved in a way that didn’t overexert. I slept until I woke up without an agenda.
For the first time in my life, it was first.
5. I learned to deeply surrender into the unknown
This one waxed and waned in difficulty. Initially, I surrendered deeply, letting go of the need to do anything other than rest. Amazingly, a tailbone issue that had plagued me the past year disappeared.
When I got the rebound, followed by a second strain, I surrendered deeply again and let it all go. I cancelled clients. I ran out of articles. I ran out of videos. It was all okay until a week or two later when I was still sick.
How long could I put off “meaningful” work? I’d struggle, then surrender again, then struggle again a few weeks later when I still wasn’t well. It was amazing when I got up to 2 hours of bandwidth per day. It was even more amazing when I got up to 4 hours. Then, it would be hard again — how can I get anything done when I only have 4 hours per day?
I learned to let go even after hoping that this was it, that I was finally well.
6. I realized that faster isn’t always better
This one kind of shocked me. It was one of those revelations that almost knocks you off balance.
I was familiar with Lynne Twist’s three indications of scarcity thinking, (1) There is never enough, (2) More is better, and (3) It’s just the way it is. I’d shifted my thinking on these over the last several years.
What I didn’t realize until this summer was that “faster is better” is the same as “more is better.” It’s a sign of scarcity.
In my case, my prolonged illness and recovery have given birth to a deep spiritual awakening — an invitation to slow down, to focus on the next right thing, to let go of everything else, including the need to know, to rely on others for support, to be deeply present with myself.
In this case, slower was definitely better.
Final Thoughts
The weight of responsibility has held me back my entire life. This awakening, my setting this weight down, was worth every moment of my ongoing struggle.
May you find this peace — without getting Covid. :)
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may help you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.