6 Underrated Pieces of Advice From Dale Carnegie That’ll Make You Better With People in No Time

In May 1931, Police arrested “Two-gun” Crowley in New York from his girlfriend’s house.

Before getting caught, the notorious criminal “Two-gun” Crowley engaged in an hour-long shootout with the police. All of that started when he shot a policeman in cold blood who only asked for his ID.

Yet, after he was caught, can you guess what Crowley said?

“There’s a kind & tired heart under my coat — that doesn’t hurt anyone”.

After an hour of a shootout, he still believed he had a kind heart that wouldn't hurt anyone!

In one of his books, Dale Carnegie started the chapter with Crowley’s story. That was how Dale Carnegie used to write. He used examples of real people to nail his point.

And most of his points on communication, empathy, emotional intelligence, and understanding others are still relevant.

Here are 6 social interaction gems that will make you better with people.

Even a cold-blooded killer like Crowley didn’t believe he was a bad person.

Most of the villains in real life have reasons behind their wrongdoings too. In their twisted minds, they believe those reasons justify everything they do.

So, if criminals & human rights violators can find ways to justify themselves, you can imagine that every one of us also believes that we are (almost) always right.

That means, if you are to criticize someone, you’d be going against what they believe.

The first gem is — to stay away from criticizing others. If you want someone to improve, give them feedback in private & use the sandwich method to soften the blow.

Be interested in what others do

Don’t fake it. Or maybe fake it till you make it.

If you want real friendships and companionship, be interested in what others do.

Your spouse may not like the sports you love, but if they show interest in it, your love for them will increase. You may not be interested in your child’s school drama. But if she is taking part in it and you attend, she will be happy.

That principle stands in all aspects of life.

With colleagues, business associates, friends — if you have common interests, that’ll make your relationship stronger.

Show interest in what others do and love. If you ignore their lives, you also can’t expect any attention or respect from them.

A welcoming smile is worth a million dollars

How would you feel if you enter a room and see a lot of serious faces?

Would you feel the same if those faces had welcoming smiles instead of seriousness?

A welcoming smile makes others feel at home. By making others comfortable, you can bring the best of out them.

Your simple smile can change the day for someone. And that person would remember that.

Smile. It’s free and contagious.

Your name is your favorite word

Why do you think Starbucks takes your name while taking orders?

Yes, it makes it easier to keep track. But many other food joints give you a token and you can take your food when the token number is displayed on a screen.

It’s because we love our names. Especially when someone remembers them.

When a barista calls you by your name in a coffee shop, you feel a connection with that shop. You may even be interested in knowing the barista. More importantly, it’s very likely that you’d go back to that store.

In this multi-cultural world, it’s even more important.

You might encounter someone from a different culture and country. If you can rightly pronounce their name, you’d form a connection with them.

Try saying “John (their name), can you pass me the salt?” instead of “Hey, can you pass me the salt?”

As Heisenberg said, “Say my name.”

Listening is better (and rarer) than speaking

Did you know, 500 million tweets are sent every day?

Everyone has something to share. But, the number of listeners is less compared to that.

By actively listening to others, you can create a stronger connection, be perceived as a dependable person, learn new things, and even provide solutions to their problems.

You’d see that in classrooms, teachers often have stronger connections with students who participate in classes. Those students make the teachers feel safe and heard.

Like a teacher, others have something to share as well. Hear them out and that’d only help you.

A couple of “Yes” can convert a “No”

It’s easy to say no.

A person I know was quite adamant that he’d not take the COVID vaccine. He had kidney disease. He felt he’d die anyway and so he didn’t want to put more chemicals inside his body.

His son asked him, “ You like staying at home more than at the hospital, right?”. “Yes”, he answered.

“You like spending time with your family, don’t you?” “Yes, I do.”

“If you become COVID positive, you’ll have to stay away from family and might have to get admitted to hospital. Vaccines will reduce those chances. You want that right?”

“Yes”, the father said hesitantly.

“So, you’d agree it’s not a bad idea to take the vaccine to keep you far from things you don’t like?”

“Yes. Ok, I will take it.”

By reframing the questions, the son made the father say yes to his questions. Only when the father started saying yes, the son asked about the vaccine.

Make others say yes first. We are more likely to be consistent with what we’ve just said.

Final thoughts

Dale Carnegie’s writings advanced the field of human behavior & social interactions significantly.

Even after 100 years, they still stand true and can help you become a better person.

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