6 Traits of Overly Jealous People
Recognizing them will help you stay away from bad friendships
At some point in life, you have probably encountered a jealous person either at work or in your social life.
Jealous people usually are insecure and have low self-esteem. Their insecurity can manifest in many different ways.
Jealousy is very unhealthy and can affect the person who harbors jealousy as well as the person whom someone envies. It can scar him or her psychologically.
Research conducted by the University of California points out that the younger population aged under 30 are more jealous than the older population of people over 50. As Professor Harris, co-author of the research study noted: “the hold envy has on people diminishes with time.”
Jealousy can vary in intensity. Some people may experience mild jealousy; others reach extreme levels. For example, a person who is generally good-natured and feels slightly insecure about himself or herself may feel a little jealous.
They may for example throw you a compliment or pat you on the back when you share your success with them. Later, however, they may play down your achievements to others. Or they may throw you a fake smile and you’ll intuitively know something isn’t right.
In more extreme cases of jealousy, a person will manifest hatred or hold a grudge towards another. They may engage in bullying for example and bad name-calling.
A person may be jealous of another person’s success, social status, or accomplishments. They may also be jealous of their habits or lifestyle.
Here are some tell-tale signs of jealous people:
They are friendly on the outside and bitter inside
A jealous person may not appear jealous on the outside. They may have a friendly demeanor, but inside they may harbor envy. They may never exhibit hatred or hostile behavior, or even hold a grudge. Their mission is to crush you and bring you down, and you will never know about it.
A person may have good manners, but their insecurity does not let them be at peace. Often their insecurity will pour out and take the form of envy or jealousy.
“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”
They only admire you in public
Envy can lurk and manifest in subtle ways. For example, a person’s envy towards another can manifest in a simple reaction that is out of place. Even though they may not publicly humiliate you in any way — they will condone, respect, and compliment you — their envy may be insidious.
In social circles, these people for example can give you a fake smile. They’ll appear very friendly with you but behind your back may undermine your achievements by saying something negative about you.
Their behavior changes when someone throws you lavish compliments. They act opposite in private and become speechless and silent. They can’t be at peace with the fact that someone showers you with their compliments. Their ego is too fragile to accept that fact.
They are your copycats in disguise
Have you ever come across a person who looked up to you and tried to copy your behavior, your style, your habits?
Deep inside, they know you are their idol, but on the outside, they’ll criticize you and aim to weaken your reputation.
Be suspicious of someone who openly admires you and throws you compliments, but behind your back tells other people that you are an underachiever.
When jealous people compare themselves to others, it’s unhealthy and can lower their self-esteem. In the attempt to raise their self-worth, they set themselves on a path of destruction in an endless cycle of competition. The constant desire to compete with others can lead a jealous person to bad mouth someone or slander their reputation so they could raise their social image.
Psychologist Melanie Greenberg says: “when someone’s jealous they have a strong need to prove their superiority. As a result, people who are prone to experiencing regular fits of envy or jealousy also tend to be over-competitive.”
They think they deserve to be in other people’s shoes
Envious people assume your success is the result of your luck rather than hard work. Somehow they think that they are the ones entitled to all the praise, compliments, and rewards.
An example of their behavior will be them giving you thousands of reasons for your success. They’ll tell you how lucky you must be to get what you got. They’ll also say that your achievements aren’t a big deal and not worth to talk a lot about.
Anytime someone they admire celebrates their success, they dismiss it as “Oh, she is just lucky she got there,” or “If I was given the same opportunities, I would’ve been in the same place as she is.”
They engage in stereotypes and gossip
Have you ever wondered what do all gossipers have in common? They are usually anxious and unhappy. To make themselves feel superior, they go around and spread false rumors.
If they can’t find any flaws or mistakes in a person they admire, then their next tactic is to start attacking their traits. They may say something outrageous about their looks and appearance.
For example, a musician who holds envy for a prolific song-writer with no formal training may belittle his or her looks or style. They may criticize their manner of conversation, or pick on words he or she said to make a big deal out of them.
They scrutinize and condemn your intentions
Jealous people feel incredibly powerless. They gloat when someone they are jealous of has a slip of the tongue, especially in public. They’ll scrutinize every little action and every little word you say. When it’s time for them to shine, they’ll grab an opportunity to come out and condemn you.
They envy your success and celebrate your setbacks. Every time you fail, they rejoice deep down in their hearts.
That’s why you have to be aware of who you are friends with, and pay close attention to their behavior. A person who talks behind your back isn’t worthy to be your friend.
Final Thoughts
People who are secure and have high self-esteem rarely get jealous as they don’t depend on other people to validate them. They don’t need to bring others down to feel good or think that other people’s success can deter their accomplishments. On the contrary, they feel inspired by their accomplishments and use them to their advantage. They know their value.
It’s worthwhile to look at your relationships with other people and assess and evaluate their behavior patterns. If you see anything suspicious, it’s a good idea to distance yourself from these people as your relationship with them will not do you any good. It won’t be good for your mental health either.
Build friendships with people who deserve to be in your life. Being conscious of who is around you will help you live a better life. It will also help you to surround yourself with the right people — those that support you on your journey and do not covet your accomplishments or your social status.