6 Things You Should Say “No” To For A Happier Life
“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.”
Quite often, improving your life is not about having or doing more but about removing the things that suck you down. Sometimes, you don’t need to do, be, have, or think more but instead eliminate a few things that drain your energy.
While saying “yes” to one right opportunity can make a huge difference in your life, it’s also true that saying “no” to various redundant things can have a similar effect.
And contrary to common belief, prioritizing yourself and your own needs doesn’t make you a bad person. It’ll make you a happy and more balanced person who’s able to give back to others.
Imagine if we’d all live in alignment and only say yes to opportunities and people that genuinely excite us. We’d end up in a world where everyone could play to their strengths and use their full potential instead of fighting through their days.
As Steve Jobs once said:
“It’s only by saying “No” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”
If you aim to be everything, you’ll likely end up being nothing.
If you, however, practice saying no to the wrong opportunities and people, you’ll be able to focus on the few things that genuinely matter.
Ignore unsolicited advice
I’m a huge supporter of honest and critical feedback. I constantly seek coaches and mentors who help me take my personal life and business to the next level.
However, I can’t stand people who always put in their two cents even though they don’t have much to say.
That’s not because I’m close-minded but because most people love to talk, even if they don’t have much to say.
And the reality is that my time is my most precious resource and I don’t tolerate anyone who’s trying to waste it. That’s why I’m very careful about whose advice I take seriously.
I deeply appreciate getting feedback from people who are ahead of me or who at least know what they’re talking about. However, I’m unapologetic about saying no to people who just talk to talk.
Sometimes, getting feedback from inexperienced people can indeed be valuable, but in 99% of the cases, people who give unsolicited advice talk nonsense.
How to do it:
Next time someone’s trying to tell you what to do or how to do something, question whether they are eligible to give you tips.
If they didn’t achieve the results you want to achieve, you should probably ignore their advice and talk to someone more experienced.
Eliminate busywork
In the past three years, I supported hundreds of people to improve their time-management and be more productive. During my workshops, I conduct various exercises to help my attendees find out why they feel busy instead of productive throughout their days.
And one of the most frequent reasons is that they waste their time on busywork.
Busywork describes activities that waste lots of time but don’t lead to valuable outcomes.
Typical examples are meetings, notifications that distract you during work hours, constantly checking newsfeeds and social media, or being too focused on details that don’t move the boat forward.
If you want to live a happier, more productive life, you need to reduce busywork and spend your time and energy on productive activities that actually help you make progress.
How to do it:
If you feel like you’re not in charge of your time and your hours are just passing by, you might want to have a look at all the busywork you’re doing.
For the next 5–10 days, set a silent hourly alarm on your phone.
Every time your phone rings, note down what you’ve been doing at that moment.
After a few days, you’ll get a great overview of the redundant activities that waste your time and energy.
Alternatively, you can also use a time tracking app. I’m using Boosted to track all my productive hours.
Once you say no to all the busywork in your life, you’ll realize that you have way more time than you initially thought.
Kill energy vampires
People or activities that leave you feeling exhausted and drained of energy are considered energy vampires.
I’m sure you know at least one person who’s always in a bad mood and pessimistic about pretty much anything.
The problem with these people is that they have a negative influence on your mood too. And it’s hard to stay positive and cheerful if you spend lots of time with them.
That’s why you want to say no to all energy vampires — no matter if it’s people, places, or activities.
How to do it:
If you can’t fully detach from a person, at least make sure you spend less time with them.
Similar to the time tracking exercise, you can also take notes on how certain activities and people make you feel.
If you realize that a particular family member or client is constantly draining your energy, you might want to rethink that relationship.
Say no to negative self-talk
Most people dim their light because they lack confidence and don’t trust themselves.
But the truth is that you need to be your own cheerleader in life. Nobody can support you the way you can support yourself. And as Robert Holden once said:
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
If you want to be live a happier life, you need to start by trusting and empowering yourself.
How to do it:
Each time you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself or doubting your skills, stop for a second, take a deep breath, and replace your negative thoughts with empowering words.
Remind yourself of your achievements and all the successes you already celebrated. Think of who you want to become and how you could further improve yourself to be your best possible version.
To live your best life, you need to stay away from people who pull you down, but you also need to be careful about the thoughts in your own head.
Remember progress over perfectionism
The moment you start focusing on progress over perfectionism is the moment you set yourself free.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
— Maya Angelou
You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to explore life to the fullest and become your best possible version.
But the reality is that becoming your best self will be hard if you constantly try to do things perfectly.
How to do it:
Allow yourself to be a work in progress.
You don’t need to have everything figured out. You also don’t need to waste endless hours perfecting that Powerpoint presentation or editing your next blog post.
Choose progress over perfection and move fast. The more experiences you gain, the quicker you’ll learn.
Minimize late-night excitements
According to bestselling author Shawn Stevenson, there’s no facet of your mental, emotional, or physical performance that’s not affected by the quality of your sleep.
High quality sleep leads to a happier, more balanced, and more productive you.
Yet, most people make common mistakes that hurt the quality of their sleep. As a result, they wake up exhausted and lack energy.
By saying no to late-night excitements, you can ensure a better quality of sleep and increase your natural energy level.
How to do it:
The easiest ways to avoid late-night excitements are:
- Not exercising late at night
- No tv shows or movies that excite you
- No arguments with your partner or family members
- Not working on critical to-dos shortly before going to bed
Instead, make time for a relaxing evening routine that will help you sleep better and wake up more refreshed.
“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.”
— John C. Maxwell
Final Thoughts
Warren Buffett once said that really successful people say no to almost everything.
Now, you don’t need to be like really successful people, but there’s power in focusing on the essentials and removing certain things from your life.
After all, saying no is a skill. And even though the practice might sometimes be painful, it’ll be worth it.
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