6 Things You Can Do To Have More Sex as a Parent

Don’t you miss afternoon sex?

Some people say it’s all right for parents to have much less sex; after all, they already had a fair amount, the kids being the proof.

I disagree. If anything, I want more.

Before family life, my partner and I had sex in the middle of the day. The light was flowing through windows and drawing sensual paths on our skins for our tongues to follow.

Now, on the good days, we’ve sex late at night, when the bed is singing like a siren, trying to lure us onto soft pillows.

Here’s what you can do as a parent to travel back in time and have sex during the day again.

Set Up an Alarm Clock

It’s 7:15 AM, and you wish cuddling could turn into spooning and then forking (spooning with more penetration), but no.

It’s 7:15 AM, and someone needs to prepare breakfast, children need help to wake up, and you’re already late for work and school as it is.

So you put an alarm clock one hour earlier to have time to explore your partner’s body before the day starts.

We call it the alarm cock.

But, of course, you can’t do that too often, cause, you know, you’re tired as fuck and want to sleep in the mornings.

On the plus side, the morning cuddling can build up the tension for later, end-of-day sex.

Get a Lock on the Bedroom Door

If you want to have a chance at worry-free sex while children are in the house, I recommend setting up a lock on your bedroom door.

It’s not perfect as it will be a lock that opens from the outside for security reasons. A lock that your children will quickly learn to open (from the outside) if they lost a sock or for other types of emergency.

But it’s also a lock that buys you the few precious seconds you need to put your clothes back on and avoid caught-in-the-middle-of-the-act stress syndrome. That peace of mind is priceless.

Playdates. Invest in Playdates!

An afternoon free is easier to pull off when you’ve only one kid. But, if you’re lucky enough, other parents could invite both your daughter AND her little sister at the same time.

Parents that organize multiple playdates are heroes.

From experience, having one guest, two, or three doesn’t make such a big difference. The noise level will be slightly higher, and you’ll need a bigger pan for the pasta; that’s about it. On the plus side, with two other couples in the loop, it means that you’re hosting playdates every third time. That’s a great return on investment: one afternoon spent keeping a (distant) eye on the kids for two afternoons free!

In the best-case scenario, playdates will turn into sleepovers.

Imagine taking a shower together with your partner without worrying someone will desperately knock on the door, wondering where you disappeared. And picture how romantic it will be to carry your naked partner to the bedroom afterward. In the beginning, you might even not reach the bedroom and start having sex in the middle of the corridor instead.

Get a Nanny and Rent an Airbnb

Granted, depending on where you live, it can be a costly solution. But it’s also absolutely worth the investment.

Instead of an expensive night out in a fancy restaurant, you could consider hiring a nanny and renting an Airbnb for a few hours in the afternoon.

Having sex in the middle of the day when you’re still full of energy is priceless. What a change compared to having sex in the middle of the night when all you want is to fall asleep on the couch.

For a romantic afternoon out, leave home around 3 PM and come back at 8 PM, assuaged and relaxed, for a late family dinner. Don’t forget to pack the sex toys with you, and maybe some chocolates or rose petals to throw on the rented bed while your partner takes a shower.

On the funny side, accustomed to crazy late check-out requests, your hosts will be happily surprised when you give them back the key at 7 PM. Expect some complicit smiles from receptionists.

Go for Quick and “Dirty” Sex

The quick part is quite self-explanatory when your child is watching a cartoon in the living room, and you just sneaked into the bathroom for a few minutes with your partner. It would be nice to take a shower together or watch your partner lie in the bath naked, but you have a limited amount of time.

Why does it have to be dirty?

On the one hand, we have the beautiful constraint that is family life, and on the other hand, a sexual desire needing to be satisfied.

As much as I like taking a shower before sex, I learned to get rid of this habit when needed. With all the constraints we have as parents, adding another one is particularly counter-productive.

It’s all for the best as it pushed us to explore and gave some new dimensions to our love-making.

Try Mutual or Comasturbation

That’s another dimension we explore and practice more regularly now that my partner and I changed our status from DINK to DEWK. (From Dual Income No Kids to Dually Employed With Kids).

One killer advantage to mutual masturbation: it’s easier to stop in the middle of the act and pretend nothing special was happening.

• You don’t have to be fully naked.
• It’s easy to keep it under the blanket.
• And, if the kids wonder what you’re doing in there, you can always answer that you were sagely lying in bed and trying to get extra sleep.

Comasturbation, when both partners are masturbating (themselves) at the same time, is somehow less fun but has the additional advantage of being quick.

For maximum efficiency, start with mutual masturbation and finish with comasturbation when the timer’s about to end.

Conclusion

As beautiful as family life can be, a trip down memory lane to younger and more childfree times will boost your energy. These were crazy times when sex happened whenever you wanted, not whenever you could, AND — still — had the stamina to do so.

Here’s a recap:

• Hide from the kids for dirty sex in the bathroom or behind locked doors.
• Set up an alarm cock for early morning sex or mutual masturbation.
• Put your social skills to good use and find other parents willing to take their turn in organizing playdates. Imagine the freedom of an empty apartment. Kitchen floor, here I come. Literally.
• Buy yourself out of the problem by hiring a nanny and renting an Airbnb for the afternoon. Don’t forget to ask for an early check-out!